Chapter 29
I glance at the calendar, double-checking the mental countdown I’ve been sticking with for wrapping up Lauren’s dress. The designing and thinking part of it all takes more time than the autopilot tasks of actually making the dress. With the new machine Sawyer bought me, I work even faster.
I laugh at myself, still stuck in the old timeline. I had a different countdown to the completion date, but when my mother knocked over the dress and forced me back a few steps, I had to re-calculate the dress being completed. Going back and making it for a second time has helped me to improve on my original design with the help of the amazing new sewing machine Sawyer gave me. The dress is nearly there. All I need to do is put the finishing touches on it, and I grin at the calendar.
It still feels silly, but I put a smiley face on the day after Lauren and Aubrey brought me back from Vail. The day Sawyer gave me his mother’s ring. It seems like a lie to say he “proposed” that day, and it’s easier not to think about it when I wish he really had.
It stings that he didn’t just ask me for real, but I refuse to give up all hope on him. If he’s willing to go so far as giving me that shop space and pretending to be engaged, he has to care about me to some extent. I don’t know what holds him back. If we had a chance to sit and talk, I imagine I would have my answers, but we haven’t. We’ve been too busy, and like before, I grow convinced that he’s resorting to the habit of ignoring me and pulling away. I’ve hardly seen him over the last few days.
While it pains me to know he would rather stay away, I have to admit it’s half my fault. I should have been honest with him at the shop space. I should have owned up to my feelings and been open about how I want him.
As soon as we can both sit down and talk…I vow to do it. Hiding my true feelings won’t help either of us in the long run, and that’s where I see us. Long term. For good. If not as an official couple, then as friends?
I grimace at the idea of being friend-zoned. It doesn’t sound right.
Shoving my worries aside, I concentrate on tending to the final details the gown needs.
I don’t get far, distracted by Sawyer striding in.
Speak of the devil, huh?
I smile but lose the courage to look so light and happy to see him. He seems tense, worried even. He’s not rushing up to me with the intention to hold me or kiss me. A greeting doesn’t come either.
All serious and somber, he stalks inside and stares at me. I tense up, expecting him to tell me something bad. If he’s stuck in that seriousness, something has to be wrong. Before I can ask or say anything, he clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck.
“We need to talk.”
I blink, trying to think of how to reply. Yeah. Hell, yeah, we do. I was just thinking that and kicking myself for the way we either avoid communicating or simply have lacked the time to do so. Hearing him declare it intimidates me. Why does he want to speak with me so urgently all of a sudden?
As I stand there and watch him, my heart constricts in a bad way. My stomach knots up, and I brace myself for something awful. I don’t know how many more hits I can take, but it seems something bad is in store for me tonight.
“I love you.”
I hold my breath, replaying his words again in my mind. Did I hear him right? I raise my brows, mute and too stunned to reply. Of all the things he could have blurted out first, I hadn’t been prepared for that.
His simple, direct words pummel into me, and I almost knock the dress form over in reaction. I’m not going to faint. I’m not that kind of girl. I stumble, though, clumsy in body and mind as I try to accept what he has just told me.
I hurry to catch the mannequin shape and steady the dress. I use it as an anchor, too, keeping myself upright as I rely on it to stand.
“I’m sorry for being a dick.”
I open and close my mouth, shocked even more with his apology. Again, not at all what I was expecting to hear from his lips today.
“I…” He rubs the back of his neck again but doesn’t waver in maintaining eye contact with me. “I’ve never been in love before. Not real love like this. and I never want to be in love with anyone but you. Only you, Claire.” He licks his lips before adding, “The idea of losing you has been eating me alive for weeks, and I can’t stand the fact that it could happen.”
I smile, choking on a sob. I’m so close to bursting into tears, so near an overwhelming level of joy and relief.
Sawyer loves me.
He loves me!
For so long, I wished it could be true, and now, the wait and anxiety is over. I don’t have any doubt he’s speaking the full truth. He looks at me with such raw and real emotion, I don’t consider the possibility that he could be lying. It’s been hard enough to dissect and try to decipher what he really wants from me. One minute, he’s trying to save me from my mother, showering me with gifts and resources to go forward in my desired career. The next, he’s walking back an almost proposal to something that seems like a business agreement for show. I’ve wondered every night since that day—how he could bounce back and forth between such extremes, and since Lauren and Aubrey put the idea in my head that he’s trying to show me how much he cares for me, I’ve been letting this seedling of hope take root in my mind.
I sniffle and set the dress form up so I can step away from it. “I love you, too.”
Each step I take toward him feels like a new beginning. For the first time, I do chase a man. This man. And as I hurry across the room to him, I’m propelled with an urgency that I hope will never fade. I run to him, assured after this moment that I will always be confident that I can overcome any threat of losing him.
He clutches me to him, catching me with those thick, strong arms I’ve come to rely on. He’ll hold me when I need comfort; he’ll hug me when I seek his affection. In his embrace, I never need to question my worth or the depth of our connection ever again.
“Claire,” he utters my name with such elation and excitement, I can tell he was worrying about how I would take this news. I loathe the possibility that he was afraid I wouldn’t reciprocate and give him my heart, too, but no more. We only have the future to remind each other as often as we please just how much we matter to each other.
“I love you, Sawyer,” I repeat before he crushes his lips to mine.
I stand up on my toes, eager to push back up against him and prove with my actions how badly I need this kiss and want him with all my soul.
He breaks away, breathing hard before me as he smiles with such a sweet contentment I want to make it my daily promise. That with each morning that rises and before every night falls, I’ll put this amazing smile on his face.
“And I love you.” He seals it with another tender brush of his soft lips over mine, and I sigh into his kiss.
“But…” He sighs, heaving his chest against me. I cling to him, draping my arms over his shoulders as they slump.
“No.” I shake my head. “No buts.”
He sobers, losing the smile. I hold on fast to the fact that he doesn’t release me. If anything, he hugs me closer, like preparing to brace me for a hit and wishing he could shield me from it coming near us at all.
I shake my head harder, wanting to pout. “No. Uh-huh. You can’t be serious. You’re not allowed to tell me you love me and then say but.” I refuse to accept it. He cannot be planning to declare his love and follow with an ultimatum or threat! It’s impossible to think I can go from such a sweet high and sink to this deep low of whatever has him so stressed out.
He nods, then kisses my nose. “I have bad news.”
“About what?” I grip his shirt and shake my fist once.
“The estate. Your estate.”
I go still as I understand. Something about my mother. I should have known. With all the trouble she’s caused in my life, and all the strife she’s stirred up recently, my mind should’ve gone there first.
“Oh.” I deflate, but not in a bad way. Knowing he’s merely concerned about the drama with my mother allows me to lose some of the tension that set in when he said that damned but.
“She’s determined to change the documents. Dalton just informed me. She’s hurrying her lawyers to change it all, so you’ll never see a cent of your inheritance.”
I open my lips, but he plows on, “The only way you can secure it is to be married now. Being engaged is nothing but anteing up the stakes for her, and it seems she’s determined not to lose.”
I snort. “Well, I could have told you that.” I frown. “I did. I did tell you that she’s driven to keep control of the money.”
“Which means us being engaged won’t pack much of a punch anymore.”
I shrug. Honestly, I don’t give a damn. I don’t care what my mother does. To hell with the money. I’ve faced a convoluted way to get here and know this, but I’ve found love. I gave up on the idea of marrying for love, let alone seeking it anywhere, and it’s exactly what I’ve found in Sawyer.
“I…I don’t care.” I shake my head to back up what I say.
For so long, I’ve focused on getting my funds so I could have the means to start my business. Sawyer has seen to that now, and even if he didn’t, if he didn’t have that shop space to give me or own that building, I still would have found my own way. I would make dresses and scrimp and save. With his love, I feel like I can do anything, and I’m no stranger to working hard for what I want.
“It doesn’t matter to me. That trust, the money my mother wants to keep out of my reach and control, it’s not important to me.”
“No,” he argues quickly. “That’s not right, Claire. You can’t give in and just let her win.”
I smile, leaning up to kiss him and reveling in the way his hands hold my sides in a possessive, strong embrace. “Love wins. We win with each other.”
He growls against my lips, fisting the back of my shirt as he kisses me deeply. Against my lips, he sighs and says, “No. I want you to be treated fairly. If we need to get married to beat her at this stupid, manipulative game she wants to play, so be it.” He rears back to look at me seriously. “I meant it when I said I’d give you a divorce, but I want you to know that’s something I will never want.”
I roll my eyes and thread my fingers through his hair to pull him back down to me. “Didn’t you hear me? I love you. A divorce would be the very last thing on my mind.”
He gathers me closer in a firm hug. “I love you, too.”
“I don’t want to marry you because you feel like you have to.” That would be the lousiest start of a marriage.
“I want to marry you because I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”
I beam up at him, rejoicing in his words.
“We can deal with whatever happens next—together,” he adds.
“Then it’s settled.” I lurch up to kiss his full lips with excitement and awe.
“We’re getting married,” he agrees with a wide, cocky grin.
I nod. Even if the shock hasn’t sunk in yet.