Chapter 22
A few days after our night out in Breckenridge, I couldn’t tell that a storm had ever come through the area. The tree that fell and just missed the house was gone. A messy pile of logs waited to dry out for Caleb to split. I wasn’t sure why he liked it so much. Being out here in the open air is invigorating, but it isn’t making me eager to audition for a lumberjack.
I could do with finding a gym around here, though. I miss the simplicity of exercising in an air-conditioned room with the familiar sounds and smells of a well-equipped weight room. Not having a gym to frequent is the only thing I miss out here, because all my other needs are basically met. I’m a city guy, but it’s amazing how much I can get done out of that area too.
Sitting back here in the shade, I enjoy a chance to catch up on some work. A couple of brokers want to chat. A real estate manager is due to call me in a few minutes, too, but first, I’ve got to get off the phone with my cousin. Claire is my only cousin, and with such a small family between us, she’s always felt like a little sister instead. It’s been a long while since we’ve caught up, though.
“Just outside Breckenridge?” she asks, then laughs. “I can’t picture you at a bed-and-breakfast at all, let alone way out in Colorado.”
I smile at the Goldfinch. “It’s really nice out here.” Nice enough I might relocate. Maybe.
“How’s Johanna taking it? She’s not outdoorsy at all.”
“Claire.” I furrow my brow. “Did you get amnesia on the flight to Paris? I caught her cheating on me a year ago…”
“Uh, yeah. But I thought I saw something online. Someone shared something about you guys being back together. I just assumed you were.”
“No.” I roll my eyes and scroll through an email as I chat. “She wants to get back together, but that’s never going to happen.”
“Ah. So you’re what? Hiding and hanging out with Caleb to avoid her?”
Sort of. “Enough about me. How’ve you been?”
“Well, I met someone.”
I raise my brows. “Really?” Claire has always been a go-getter, too busy with her fashion dreams to ever let a guy into her life. I’m sure her expectations are sky-high. Her mother is particular and choosy and that’s rubbed off on my cousin.
“Yeah. It just happened. And now that it looks like my gown designs might take off, maybe I’m due a chance to let a little love in for good.”
I widen my eyes. “For good?”
“I think…I think we might elope.”
My jaw drops. “No way.”
“Yeah. I really think we might.”
I scoff. “Will I be invited?”
“Owen has a very demanding schedule,” she explains, “and it’ll be spur-of-the-moment.”
“Is his schedule too demanding to allow room for you?” I chuckle. “Eloping is serious business.”
“Oh, don’t get all big brother on me. I know it’s serious, and Owen is exactly the kind of man who should be in my life. I’m twenty-two. Not five. I don’t need a lecture from you.” She gasps. “Shoot. I’m running late. We’ll catch up again soon, okay?”
She disconnects, and I’m left unsettled. Is this Owen guy the kind of man who should be in her life? That doesn’t sound right. Who’s to say who should be with whom?
“Hey,” Caleb says as he approaches. “You got a minute? I was waiting ’til you were off the phone.”
“Yeah, sure. That was Claire, not a work call.”
He sits across from me and grins. “Thanks for reminding me about her. Is she still designing wedding dresses?”
I nod.
“I’ll have to have her call Lauren soon.”
“You haven’t even proposed yet.”
“But I will. And I think Lauren and Claire would get along anyway.”
He’s not wrong. Caleb’s always considered Claire like an honorary little sister from a distance too. She’s been farther from us while studying abroad, but it sounds like that will be changing with her graduation.
“I wanted to talk,” he says.
I gesture with my hand for him to go ahead.
“Is something going on between you and Aubrey?”
I blink at him, surprised he’s asked me so straight like that. Closing my laptop, I give him my full attention, but the longer I look at him and debate how to reply, I feel certain that anything I say will automatically be relayed to Lauren. And whatever Lauren hears, she’ll repeat to Aubrey. I’d much rather talk to Aubrey myself about what we’ve got between us, but I can’t make up my mind how to view it all.
I close my mouth and slouch in my seat. “Um.”
Caleb nods knowingly, and I roll my eyes.
So much for choosing the right words. My non-answer is an answer, and it prompts me to just come clean. This is Caleb, my best friend. If I can’t tell him, then I really need to reconsider my actions.
“Aubrey’s been a surprise, all right?”
“A good one?” Caleb chuckles. “I mean, we heard you the other night.”
I go still.
“Not here.”
Right. He wouldn’t have. Aubrey and I haven’t talked much since sharing the room in Breckenridge. And since Caleb and Lauren are staying in the cottage on the property, Aubrey would need to be much louder for sound to carry that far.
“At the hotel.”
I shrug. I did tell her to keep it down, but then I failed there too. She just felt too good. She still feels good, her presence and seeing her smiles, it all makes me feel better.
“Whatever’s happening between us wasn’t planned,” I add.
“No kidding. I figured you’d give up on women forever after Johanna.”
I smirk. “But Aubrey makes me feel something I’ve never experienced before.”
He raises his brows. “Not even Johanna?”
I shake my head. Nope. And I was ready to propose to her. “It’s messing me up, dude. I don’t know what to do.”
“About Aubrey?”
“Yeah. I’m supposed to head back to the office soon. If I leave things alone and return to New York without knowing for sure if something real can continue with us, if she’s got something real for me, I’ll regret it.”
He nods. “Yeah. I can see that.”
“But at the same time, the thought of Aubrey rejecting me and not feeling the same as I do sounds painful enough that I might be better off without ever knowing.” What compounded that fear was how she’s already giving me signs of not reciprocating the same emotions that have struck me. She’s already shown her distance, and while I know she’s got her own issues to work on, her own baggage, I wonder if it’s just not in the cards for us to be together.
And I could solve some of her issues.All it would take is a simple conversation with this guy right here. If I told him Jeremy screwed Aubrey over with her job, he’d redirect his legal team to go after the punk and make him pay. Between Caleb and me, our lawyers could fix Aubrey’s loss of a job. She could teach again. Her life wouldn’t be so miserable anymore. But I also understand why she wanted to keep it quiet. She asked me not to tell Caleb or Lauren, and I refuse to betray her trust like that. Still, the idea isn’t far from my mind. Besides, what good would that do, anyway? If Caleb or I could make it so she could teach again, she’d go back to California, even further from New York. I feel selfish to think that way, but the bottom line of it all is that it isn’t my place to meddle.
“You want my opinion?” Caleb leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he folds his hands together.
“You’re going to give it to me whether I want it or not.”
He smiles. “I think you should tell her the full truth. How you feel, your concerns about your feelings. Even Johanna. I’ve heard your phone ringing, and I know she’s been blowing up your phone. She’s even contacted some of my office staff in the city asking about you.”
Whoa.
“I recommend blocking her, once and for all. If you’re done with her—”
“I was done with her a year ago. When I caught her cheating.”
“Yeah, a year ago. When you were ready to propose.”
His different perspective on the situation bothers me.
“If you were done with her a year ago at the same time you were ready to make her your woman forever…”
I sigh and rub my face.
“Why haven’t you blocked her yet? If you say it’s over, then you should be able to cut her out of your life.”
I look away, not wanting the full brunt of his gaze. He’s putting me under pressure, and I hate the feeling of having to answer. “I know it’s the right thing to do.”
“So…”
I glance at him and scowl. “So…I don’t know.” For whatever reason, part of me is stuck in the past. She hurt me that bad, it’s not so easy to just get up and wash my hands of her. I don’t miss her, but with how long we were together and how committed I was to her, I almost feel like she owes me a damn answer after all.
An answer I won’t listen to.
She has been reaching out to speak with me. For the sake of closure and moving on, it would be a brilliant move to hear her out. To put her in her place and wait for her to apologize and explain her infidelity. I’m owed that much. At the same time, though, I know that’s not why she is so stubbornly contacting me.
Each time she leaves a message, it’s with a hint of wanting me back. Of going back to what we had. Every time she reminds me of “how good we were,” she’s giving me the opposite of closure. And that won’t do. Her persistence has been nagging at me for a long while now, and with how quickly and deeply my feelings are growing for Aubrey, I wonder how long I can keep myself—and her—in limbo until I make up my mind.
It’s the fear of it all. I only touched the tip of the iceberg when I told Caleb I worried about Aubrey rejecting me.
I know blocking Johanna would enable me to move on, presumably to move on with Aubrey.
But if Aubrey isn’t in sync and doesn’t want a future with me, I’m not sure how I’ll move on after that.