Chapter 34
I return to Colorado with a small but growing sense of hope. It comes with some anxiety, too. I’ve given up my former life. I sold my company, I cashed out my stocks. I sold my office and my apartment, all to start over here.
Beginning something different is a challenge, but as I walk through the cabin I purchased just outside of Frisco, I realize it doesn’t have to be intimidating. Now that I’ve taken the leap to make a new life for myself, I’m excited to see where it will take me.
No more commuting, no more dealing with the thick traffic in the city.
I don’t have to consider frequent travels either, at least none far away. It’s amazing how much can be handled remotely.
In terms of working and having a purpose–those loftier things Caleb asked me about when he was recently in New York –I’m not worried. I now have the time to focus on my foundations even more, prioritizing any travel I need to do for them. Maybe I’ll lose money in the larger picture of my portfolio, but the good thing is I’ve got a lot to go around. Even if I were to lose it all, I’d be rewarding myself with a calmer, more balanced life here in Colorado and not being stuck in the grind in the city.
I check out the cabin, already aware of the amenities, perks, and upgrades. I viewed it all online, and Caleb did a video call with me as he scoped it out in person before I accepted the seller’s offer. It’s a far cry from the “home” I left in New York. It’s smaller and rustic, but it will work. I see what my friend meant when he said it’s cozy but not. I can see myself comfortable here with the peace and quiet the area provides, but I spot the modern touch, too. It’s a smart home, which I prefer, and the updated details suit my taste in a nice blend of contemporary and rustic.
I’m sure that I can be comfortable and happy here—with or without Aubrey in my life. I’m staying in the area because not only do I want to be near Caleb for our friendship, but I’m also eager to help him with business too. I’m retired. I want to focus on my foundations, but I know how it’ll go. That drive to be productive is hard to silence, and I’m sure by next year, Caleb and I will be true partners in real estate out here.
A grin covers my face, and when I spot it in the reflection of the fridge as I leave my new kitchen, I hope I’ll stay this spirited. I’m not going to get my hopes up. I can’t. My heart can’t take it, so with a measured dose of optimism, I leave to go see if Aubrey can help me complete my life now that I’m starting afresh.
It’s a tricky lesson, one I struggled to accept and learn. Now that I’m wiser about it all, I’ll tread more carefully. My biggest mistake with Johanna was letting her become my whole life. I dreamed of settling down and allowed the ideal of her consume me without stopping long enough to see that she didn’t want me, she wanted what I offered in terms of dollar signs and popularity. It took coming out here and seeing how Aubrey cared about none of that to understand the difference.
I want Aubrey to fulfil me, but I can’t lose sight of the fact I’m not a broken or lacking person, or less-than, if I am single. I have worth, and Aubrey always saw that.
I get in my truck and drive to the Goldfinch, hoping I’ll find her there and be the bigger person. I kept thinking and wishing she would have asked me to stay. In New York, I latched onto the idea that she must not feel as strongly for me as I did for her when she didn’t ask. Caleb helped me rationalize through that thought, though. He had me put it into perspective. We combed through what it could have been like for her to lose her parents, then everything else. She never had a chance to ask anyone to stay before. She hadn’t had a chance to ask her parents not to die. It just happened, similar to what I did when I flew away.
This time, I know it’s on me. If she’s the one I want—and she is—I’ve got to overcome my insecurities and tell her. I’ve got to make her understand what I want, and that contrary to what I did by flying to New York, I won’t be going anywhere. My new house is one part of proof in that intention.
I don’t find her at the bed-and-breakfast, though. It’s the weekend, so I figured she’d be here, not in town at her new apartment. It’s not a school day, so I counted on her spending her free time here with Lauren or Marian.
“Dalton!”
I turn at Lauren’s squeal of surprise. I pivot just in time to catch her hug.
“Welcome back!” She holds me at arm’s length. “Isn’t that cabin perfect?”
I smile, fighting back the nerves that hit me. She’s excited to see me, but I can’t shake the anxiety that Aubrey might not be, at least not like this.
“It is.” A slight pause carries on too much, and I wish I was better at speaking up. “Is…”
“Caleb’s out with Marian, arguing over a new truck.”
I raise my brows. “The old pickup died?”
She nods. “May it rest in peace. Meadow Lane got the best of it.”
I chuckle. “I was actually wondering if, uh…”
“Aubrey’s in town.” She frowns. “Didn’t Caleb tell you she got the teaching job?”
“Yeah, he did. I remember.”
“She’s got an apartment in town,” she adds.
I know this too, but hearing her say that so soon after asking me about my new home, I can’t help but worry. We’ve got our own places, so why should I cling to a hope that Aubrey will give up hers and join me at mine?
Again, the silence between us is telling.
“Dalton?”
“Hmm?” I look up at her, and I see how she’s sympathetic toward my uneasiness.
“She told me she was going to a coffee shop for lunch. She’s already so busy with grading papers, and she needs a chance to eat without working at the same time. She might still be there.”
“The one with the cranky old guys who play chess?”
She smiles. “Yep. That’s the one.” Then she purses her lips, scolding me. “And they’re not cranky. At least Earl isn’t. He’s sweet once you get to know him.”
I laugh once. “I’ll take your word on that.” I’ll never forget when Caleb and I ran into Earl and Ken on our fishing trip. They couldn’t stop laughing at how I mishandled my fishing pole.
At least they didn’t call me a fancy rich guy like the construction idiots. I suppose that’s polite of them.
I leave Lauren at the Goldfinch and drive like hell down Meadow Lane. It’s no mystery why Marian’s ancient pickup puttered out. The path is rockier and bumpier than I remember it being, but that doesn’t entice me to slow down. I speed all the way down the mountain, through the small town, then enter Breckenridge. I spot the coffee shop with ease, and I rush to park in the first spot that’s open. It’s not close, so I jog until I reach the doors to the coffee place.
I don’t slow, bursting through the doors and scanning the place frantically. It’s packed, and I see several familiar faces.
Hayes is hitting on the barista. Another crew member is tapping his foot in line, waiting for his coffee. Over there is the teenager who works at the gas station. Next to me, at the front are the grumps.
“Hey, you looking for that rod still?” Ken chuckles.
I ignore the old men at their chess table.
I keep looking, searching through the crowd, until I spot her. Aubrey is still here, and at the first sight of her, I swear my heart skips a beat.
She’s as gorgeous as ever. Her long hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and the light-blue shirt she wears makes the brightness in her eyes pop, even from this distance separating us across the room. Her lips tip up in a smile, but it doesn’t fill her face. I hear her laughter, and I focus on that sound above all the din and chatter throughout the coffee shop. I zero in on her, then the man she’s sitting across from.
She continues to laugh, amused by whatever the man said. He’s still speaking animatedly, and all that registers is that it’s not me. I’m not the one seated across from her telling jokes. It’s not me she’s looking at and smiling with.
Someone else. My heart cracks all over again, but with the pain of losing her, I have to deal with the self-loathing that fills me. I shouldn’t have waited. I should have spoken up. I will always regret that I lost her when I could have just handled things differently.
Now, she’s with a new man, and the worst of it is how damn happy she looks.
My stomach tightens and my heart plummets further as I know what I need to do.
I don’t want to ruin her life. If she’s happy, then that’s it. All I wanted was to see that she’s happy, and if someone else can do that better than me, she deserves it.
I back out of the coffee shop. Despair trails after me, but I know I can’t get in the way of her happiness and success. It wouldn’t be right of me.
I pull out my phone to text Caleb and tell him I’m not in the mood to come to dinner at the BB tonight. After seeing her moving on from me, a solo night of drinking sounds smarter. It’ll give me a day or two to come to terms that Aubrey and I won’t be together.
I scroll past my notifications, mildly curious about Claire’s texts and voicemails. I’ll tend to them later. I need to secure solitude so I can lick my wounds in privacy for the rest of the day.
“Dalton!”
I pause in my steps, wondering if I’m imagining it.
“Dalton!” she shouts it again, using that no-nonsense voice like I’m a dog—or child—she wants to heel.
I slowly spin around, watching as she walks in my direction. A couple of storefronts stand between us. She doesn’t stop, but she slows her approach as we stare each other down. So much hangs unsaid between us, and at the hint of emotion on her careful expression, I forget about my plan of not getting my hopes up. I do. Because the way she’s looking at me has me thinking one thing.
“I missed you,” I say as she tells me, “I was just thinking about you.”
I smile, finding it ironic that we struggled to communicate with each other before I left, and now that I’m back, we’re talking over each other.
I try again. “I wanted to see—”
“I was hoping you’d—” She stops when I do. We’re both cutting each other off and getting nowhere.
She smiles and rolls her eyes. When she gazes at me again, I see the hope there as she gets teary.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you once, Aubrey,” I tell her carefully, glad that she’s letting me get this out. “And I couldn’t wait to come back.”
She chokes on a sob and runs. I hurry toward her, too, catching her as she reaches for me. I lift her in my arms, spinning her as she throws her arms around my neck. Once I’ve scooped her up and off her feet, I hold her tight, never wanting to let go again.
“I love you,” I say as I rest my forehead against hers. “No matter what.”
She sniffles and smiles as she leans back to stare in my eyes. “I love you, too.”
She said it. She took that step that had to be so hard for her. And I fall into the magic of her promise, lowering my lips to hers and finally feeling home with this sweet kiss I’ve dreamed of.