CHAPTER 26
Cal
It’s all I can do not to lower my lips to the top of her hair and kiss her there, let myself linger in the silky sweetness of her, inhale that flowery, rich scent of her skin.
It’s hard not to.
I’m hard.
This whole fucking situation is impossible.
Victoria is tucked snugly between my thighs.
I’ve got the reins to Trixie loose in my left hand while I reach around her body with my right, holding the reins to my trusted Paint.
Leroy’s gentle walk rocks us forward and back.
I feel the sensual sway of her ass up against me as we make steady progress back to the barn.
But it’s torture. Having her this tight and close and not being free to do all the things I want to do to her, it’s just flat-out fucking torture. Her breathing is changing, coming quick and shallow now, and I can tell that it’s torture for her, too.
What is happening here? How are we going to make it out of this situation with our agendas—and our hearts—intact?
As we approach the barn, Joe meets us and takes Trixie to her stall.
I instruct Victoria to gently hold Leroy’s reins as I dismount.
I reach up for her, and she spins in the saddle and dismounts into my arms. I don’t know if I’m doing it on purpose or if I have her help, but the front of her body slides down my front until her feet hit the ground.
Her eyes are full of hunger as she looks up at me—then she looks away, as if she’s embarrassed.
Joe clears his throat behind me.
“Thanks.” I hand Leroy’s reins to Joe. “What’s happening at the main house?” I ask him.
“Some kind of party.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Got me.”
I walk with Victoria to the house, and her hand brushes against mine. Yet again, I’m wondering—am I willing this to happen? Is it an accident? Is she hitting on me? And at this point, I’m not even sure it fucking matters. I grab her hand and lace my fingers with hers.
I was in high school the last time I was this nervous about holding a girl’s hand. What does that tell me?
I’m fucked. Royally fucked.
I want this woman more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.
As we draw closer, I get a better picture of what’s happening. It’s a full-blown MacLaine cookout, complete with party lights, music, and steaks and burgers on Dad’s beloved outdoor gas grill, a piece of equipment I’m pretty sure he loves as much as he loves his boys.
I already hear hootin’ and hollerin’ and laughter.
“Something smells amazing,” Victoria says.
It’s her. She’s what smells amazing, and I’m getting drunk on it.
“Steak.” I squeeze her hand tight. “But remember when you asked me the other day if it was always this crazy around here?”
“Yeah. You said that sometimes it’s even worse.”
“This is what I was referring to.”
She nods, smiling. “I can handle it.”
And that’s the worst part—I know she can. She’s shown me that she can go with the flow. That she’s able to handle any twist and turn. Why does that piss me off so much?
I drop her hand just in time.
“Yo! Look who it is!” Everyone turns to see what Special K’s yelling about. The crowd watches us walk up the stairs to the back deck.
“We were just about to send a search party to look for you two crazy kids!” Declan says, raising a beer in our direction.
Dad turns away from the grill, spatula in hand, just long enough to greet us. “Did you enjoy your ride, Victoria?”
“Oh, yeah. Absolutely. For the most part.”
Oh, shit. Dad’s wearing that ridiculous barbecue apron that says: This is a manly apron. For a manly man. Cooking manly food.
“Victoria! I’m so glad you’re here! We have so many snacks!”
Jasmine skips over and grabs Victoria’s hand, pulling her into the fray.
My niece has dressed up for the occasion, wearing some kind of pink fairyland creature costume complete with wings and a crown of pink-and-white flowers.
I guess she decided not to be completely grown up, after all. At least for tonight.
As Victoria gets dragged to the platters of veggies and crackers and shit that Phyllis has brought to the outside kitchen counter, I get backed into the deck railing.
“What the fuck happened, man?” Finn asks. “You’ve been gone for hours and hours.”
“It was supposed to be a friendly little ride, right?” Declan hands me a beer.
“Maybe it was too friendly.” Special K clinks his beer bottle to mine, which takes some effort since I’m holding it down near my knee. It only makes my baby brother laugh. “We get it, man,” he says. “Riding can sometimes go on for a while, am I right?”
“Only if the rider really knows what she’s doing,” Declan adds.
“Shhh,” Finn says, tipping his head toward Jasmine, who is too busy asking Victoria if she wants to borrow her wings to hear any off-color remarks by her uncles.
“Peeps!” A voice bellows from the house. “Let’s get this party started!”
We watch Phyllis hold open the back door as Evander arrives. Phoebe pushes him out in the wheelchair, his broken limb sticking straight out in front of him, supported by some kind of leg rest.
Evander breaks free from Phoebe and starts doing spins and wheelies in the middle of the deck.
“It’s the painkillers,” Declan says, exasperated. “He finally agreed to take some, and I think they’re working a little too well.”
Special K laughs, pointing at Evander. “You’re driving that thing like the submersible you nearly wrecked off the coast of Ethiopia.”
“‘Nearly’ is the important part,” he says with a nod. “Now you may go, but remember that, grass hopplah.”
“Can I ride? Can I ride?” Jasmine is already bouncing toward him.
Finn tries to intervene, but Evander waves him off. “Ah, c’mon, bro! Don’t clip your daughter’s wings. You gotta let her fly!”
“I just don’t want to see her fly off the deck,” Finn whispers.
A moment later, Jasmine is squealing with delight. She’s thrown her little arms around Evander’s neck as they spin around. At one point he almost crashes into the trays of snacks.
Victoria’s eyes catch mine. She’s smiling and laughing, and those beautiful green eyes of hers sparkle in the overhead party lights. I can’t help but smile at her.
“Holy shit, dude.” Declan is all up in my face. “Anything you want to tell us?”
I glare at him.
“That’s cool.” He steps away. Smart man.
It turns out to be a decent evening. I don’t usually enjoy these things, at least not like this. Tonight is different. Maybe it’s because we’re celebrating that Evander’s home and on the mend. Maybe it’s because it’s the first cookout of the spring.
Or maybe it’s Victoria.
She’s clearly having a good time. I see her laughing as she helps Phyllis and Summer bring out the side dishes of slaw, tomatoes and cucumbers, potato salad, baked beans, macaroni and cheese, and rolls.
I notice her helping Dad keep track of who wants what and how—steaks or burgers? Medium or rare? Cheese? Grilled onions? Both?
It makes me wonder if she does this in San Diego with her own family, which, as far as I know, is just her asshole father. I can’t picture it.
Maybe that’s why she’s having so much fun here tonight—it’s nothing like the world she lives in. It’s a novelty.
Nothing real. Nothing permanent.
I need to remember that.
After a fun and enjoyable meal, we boys clean off the table and get the dishwasher going. A messy ranch cookout is no match for Navy men with way too many years of galley duty experience.
The bigger challenge is the shit I’m getting from my own damn family.
“She’s too hot for you,” Special K says. “I bet she likes younger, better-looking men.”
When we’re done with cleanup, we return to the back deck to see Phyllis lighting candles along the railing.
Johnny Cash is playing from the outdoor speakers.
Dad is dancing with Victoria, and Phoebe is spinning Jasmine in circles.
Summer is propped on the outdoor kitchen counter, smiling and swaying to the music.
Evander is falling asleep in his wheelchair, apparently worn out from the festivities.
When the music switches to Vince Gill’s “Broken Road,” Dad waltzes Victoria in my direction and delivers her to me. “You gotta take over for me, son. I need some dessert.”
Victoria looks at me, the corner of her lips curled in a shy smile. And since I can feel everyone’s eyes on us, I do the gentlemanly thing and place my palm on her waist and curl her hand in mine. And I lead.
I feel her warm breath on my chest. “I love your family, Cal.”
I almost stop in my tracks. She sounds so earnest and true. I don’t know if I can trust that. I don’t know if I’m ready to trust that.
“They seem to love you, too.”
I pull her a bit closer and look over her head to see everyone staring at me in shock. Even Evander is awake and blinking in disbelief.
A big plop of water hits me square in the forehead. In a matter of seconds, the sky has opened and it’s pouring.
“Grab the desserts!” Dad says. The man has his priorities.
Phoebe wheels Evander inside. Phyllis and Jasmine grab the cupcakes and popovers and follow. The first crack of lightning flashes, and Summer is already running to the paddocks. Some of the animals must still be out. Finn, Special K, and Declan are right behind her.
But Victoria’s still in my arms. Her hair is already plastered to her head. Her cotton shirt is soaked. Rain pours from the tip of her nose down her perfect lips.
I’m frozen.
I want to kiss her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my fucking life.
“Go inside and get dry,” I say. I release her from my arms and run after my brothers, not sure if I’d just made a wise decision or the biggest mistake of my life.
I look over my shoulder through the rain. She’s standing where I left her, watching me go, the rain pouring down her cheeks.
I turn around and run back.