Chapter 21
NINA
The cold November wind cut through Nina’s thin jacket, and she shivered. She should have worn a thicker coat, maybe a scarf and hat, but she hadn’t expected Jack to be delayed getting out of school. She was huddled next to the car, hoping fervently that no one would come talk to her.
“Nina!” Amanda came hurrying over, as if having read Nina’s mind. Her hair was perfectly curled, she wore expert makeup, and she didn’t seem at all cold in her pantsuit. “It’s been a while.”
It had been a while. Since Nina and Jack had moved out of Theo’s house, Nina had made every effort to pick up and drop off Jack without talking to the other moms. Today, though, her good luck seemed to have reached its end.
“Hi, Amanda.” Nina smiled, hugging her coat tighter and looking at the door of the school. Hopefully, Jack would come running out any minute. She wanted nothing more than to go home and rest. She’d been exhausted the last week and had a headache that wouldn’t go away.
“How are you?” Amanda asked. She laid a hand on Nina’s arm. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine.” Nina gave what she hoped was a bright, carefree smile. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, it’s just that some of the moms have been talking,” Amanda said. “And we’ve noticed that Theo hasn’t been coming to drop-offs or pick-ups anymore. I hope everything’s okay between you two.”
Nina’s blood ran cold. Though she wasn’t living with Theo anymore, she still needed to keep up the ruse that they were together. Otherwise, his deal might fall through, and he might decide to go back on his word about keeping Jack in school.
Theo had already sent a check — so large Nina had worried it was a mistake — as thanks for her help. It had come with a note, thank you, and nothing else. Nina hadn’t cashed it yet. She didn’t want another reminder that her time with Theo had been nothing but a business arrangement.
“Oh, things are great!” Nina said brightly. “Theo’s just been swamped at work. You know how busy his company has been.”
“Of course,” Amanda nodded. “My husband, Lucas, always talks about how hard Theo works. Good for him.”
“Yep.” Nina looked at the doors again. Please, Jack, let’s go.
“I just wouldn’t want anything to have gone wrong in your relationship,” Amanda continued. “I know Theo can be flighty, dating around so much. I’d hate it if he broke your heart. If you ever need someone to talk to…”
“Thank you,” Nina said, “but we’re fine. Theo’s a real treasure.” She hoped she sounded believable and not spiteful.
“Well, good,” Amanda nodded. She lifted a cup full of some dark green mixture and took a sip. Suddenly, Nina’s stomach turned. She fought to keep her lunch down. What was happening? She’d always found green drinks off-putting, but not this much.
“Are you well?” Amanda asked. “You’ve gone so pale.”
“I’m fine,” Nina managed to say, swallowing hard. She turned her head away, “It’s all good.”
Just then, finally, Jack came running out of the school. He screeched to a stop in front of Nina and smiled up at her.
“Hi, Mom! Is Theo here?”
“Not today.”
Nina was very aware that Amanda was still listening in. She didn’t care if people were gossiping about her, but she still didn’t want to give anything away. So, she just took Jack’s hand and got him settled in the car before turning to him.
“Remember, we don’t live with Theo anymore,” she said gently. “It’s just you and me.”
“It’s not fair!” Jack kicked the back of the seat, “I miss Theo.”
“I know, and I’m sure he misses you, too.” Nina wasn’t sure Theo even thought about either of them, but it was a white lie for her son’s sake. “But you’ll always have me, okay?”
“Okay,” Jack sighed. “Do you miss him, too?”
“Sometimes,” Nina said. This was a lie, too.
Every night, she lay awake on her sofa bed in the living room, staring up at the shadows dancing across the ceiling, missing Theo.
She missed his laugh, the way he’d held her like she was precious, and the way he’d made her feel safe every day — until he didn’t.
They’d only known each other for a little while, but he’d felt like the missing part of her family.
And when he’d kissed her, the whole world had stopped spinning, just for a moment. She missed him all the time.
She was angry with him, too. Furious. Nina wasn’t sure which feeling, heartache or anger, was stronger.
“Mom,” Jack shifted in his seat, “did I do something wrong?”
“Oh, buddy,” Nina twisted back to take his hand, “no, you didn’t do anything wrong. Theo’s just really busy.”
The car behind honked for them to move forward. Nina squeezed Jack’s hand, then let go.
“Let’s go home and do something fun, okay?”
“Okay, sure,” he agreed. But Jack still seemed sad. “He’s still coming to the concert though, right?”
“Oh, buddy, I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
Jack turned and leaned his head against the window. “He’ll come. He promised.”
A wave of anger towards Theo rolled over Nina as they drove away. How dare he become close with her son, then walk out of their lives? In that moment, the anger far outweighed the heartache, and Nina would have been happy never to see Theo again.
But she was even more angry with herself for letting it happen.
She and Jack had both gotten close with Theo.
But Nina should have known better and at least protected her son.
The small blessing of Jack’s father leaving before his birth, was that Jack had no memory of it, so he could never blame himself.
Now, Theo’s leaving would remain a memory for Jack, and Nina worried about what that would do to her son.
But she couldn’t show any of her anger, not to Jack. He couldn’t ever think he’d done anything wrong. And he couldn’t ever think that Theo had disappeared from their lives because he didn’t want to be around Jack.
At home, Nina prepared a snack for Jack, who was drawing at the table.
Their apartment was tiny compared to Theo’s mansion, yet it felt strangely empty with only the two of them in it.
Nina set the plate of apple slices and peanut butter in front of him, wishing her nausea away.
For some reason, the smell of the peanut butter made her stomach turn over.
“Thanks, Mom.” Jack held up the picture he’d been drawing, “It’s you, me, and Theo. Can I give it to Theo at the choir performance next week?”
“Next week?” Nina blinked. How had the weeks gone by so quickly?
It felt like just yesterday that she’d left Theo’s house, and now it was already time for the concert.
That wasn’t the important thing, though.
She sat down across from her son. “Theo probably won’t be able to come,” she explained again. “He’ll probably have to work.”
“He’ll be there,” Jack said firmly. “He told me he would.”
Nina ruffled his hair. “I’m sure he wants to, but people can’t always do what they want. Work on your drawings and eat your apple, okay?”
“Okay.”
With Jack busy at the table, Nina slipped into the bathroom.
The concert had really sneaked up on her, and with it came a concerning realization.
She was late. Her last period had been more than five weeks ago.
With all the stress of moving out and rebuilding her life with Jack, Nina hadn’t thought about the days passing.
Yet now, here she was, late and nauseated.
She’d only ever been late once before.
Nina took a deep breath and met her own gaze in the mirror. As much as worry threatened to overwhelm her, she couldn’t show anything to Jack. She’d promised him a fun evening, and they would have one.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Nina and Jack went to the park, made a special dinner, and curled up together to watch one of Jack’s favorite movies.
Once Jack was sleeping in his room, Nina slipped out and practically ran the two blocks to the nearby convenience store, where she bought a pregnancy test.
Back at home, she took it and waited. Her heart raced in her chest, and her breath came shallowly. No matter how many times she told herself not to jump to conclusions, she already knew the answer. She’d been here before.
Sure enough, when she turned the test over, it was positive. She was pregnant. Again.
Strangely, her first thought wasn’t fear or sadness.
It was joy. She’d loved Jack as a baby, rocking him to sleep through those long newborn nights, watching his first steps and first word and first Christmas, watching him become his own person.
A new life was growing inside her, and she couldn’t wait to meet her next baby.
She couldn’t wait to see Jack as a big brother.
She couldn’t wait to be a mother all over again.
Then the panic began to set in. She was about to become a single mother to not one, but two children.
Jack’s baby years had been a bubble of joy and baby powder, but they’d also been the hardest time of Nina’s life.
She’d worked day and night to provide for her son and raise him, often running on just three or four hours of sleep.
How would she ever do it again, this time with a baby and a kindergartener?
Then Nina thought of Theo. He’d always been clear that he had no interest in having a real family, but he’d also been wonderful with Jack.
And this was his child. He deserved to know about the pregnancy.
Yet the last thing Nina wanted to do was tell Theo that she was carrying his baby.
Odds were good that she’d be rejected all over again.
You have to tell him, Nina told herself firmly. It’s the right thing to do. Theo would probably brush the whole matter aside, but she could take the rejection.
She would just wait. Until the right time.
Once her aching heart had healed, she’d face Theo again and tell him about the baby.
Theo had cast her and Jack aside like a used prop from a high school play.
So, if Nina took her sweet time telling him he was going to be a father, that was her right.
She needed to wait until she could see Theo without her sadness and anger threatening to drown her.
Until then, she’d handle this pregnancy the way she’d always handled everything: on her own.