19. Ria
CHAPTER 19
RIA
R ia jogged through the winding suburban streets of the Robinsons’ neighborhood. Sprawling ranch houses, towering palm trees, and expensive cars rolled by as she picked up the pace, her heart rate rising. The air smelled fresh and citrusy, with just a tinge of salt, and the sky was still streaked with early morning pink. Despite the early hour, it was already hot. July in LA was a scorching time of year.
It had been a few weeks since she had relocated to LA, and so far everything had gone very smoothly. Callum was a sweet and intelligent little boy who loved to draw, play with toy cars, and go for bike rides around the nearby park. He went to a morning kindergarten session, so Ria had a lot of free time when he wasn’t home.
Callum’s parents were wonderful, too. They were incredibly welcoming, often offering to have Ria join their family for dinners out or weekend trips to the mountains or the beach.
When Ria was building sandcastles with Callum on the beach or trying hibachi for the first time with the family, she could stay present. Yet in the quiet moments, when Callum was in school and his parents were at work, or after bedtime, her thoughts always drifted back to Tristan and the kids. She wondered how they were doing and if they missed her.
As more time went by, Ria felt like her questions were answered. Tristan and the kids must not miss her. After all, she hadn’t heard anything from them, even though Tristan had her phone number. She could have called Tristan too, she knew that, but after the way they’d left things, she didn’t think he wanted to hear from her. The more time passed without him reaching out, the more certain she was about that.
Ria’s time with the Wests began to feel like a dream. It had been a beautiful dream, certainly, but it couldn’t have been real. Sometimes, she remembered dancing with Tristan in the kitchen or sitting with him on the stoop while the kids played. She thought of the way he smelled, like aftershave and peppermint, and those silly glasses he’d worn when they first met. She thought of his morning turmeric-and-lemon drink, which the Robinson parents had each morning as well. She thought of how he’d grown into his role as a father, and what a joy it had been to watch that happen.
And then she remembered that her time with Tristan and the kids was in the past. Dwelling on the past wasn’t going to help her. It wouldn’t help anyone. Ria picked up her pace again, her feet flying as she raced down a slight hill.
After all this, after almost a month had passed, Ria had gotten a text from Tristan last night. Her heart had skipped a beat when she saw his name pop up on her phone. Was he asking for parenting tips? Was he, just maybe, telling her that he’d made a mistake and that he wanted her to come back? Or was it a pocket text?
But it hadn’t been any of that. Instead, the text had an attachment. It was an invitation to the triplets’ third birthday party in two weeks’ time. Ria had been confused when she’d seen it, and she was still confused now.
Ria slowed to a stop, her heart pounding, and put her hands on her hips as she recovered. With her thoughts on Tristan, she’d pushed herself too hard. She needed to get her heart rate down again.
Ria wanted to go. Of course she wanted to go. She wanted nothing more than to see the kids again and make sure they were all right. And she wanted to see Tristan, too, despite how they’d left things. Her heart ached at the mental image of him opening the door and welcoming her inside.
The problem was that she wasn’t sure she was strong enough. Seeing Tristan and the triplets might break her heart all over again. If she set foot back in that house, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to leave.
Ria started to walk back towards the Robinsons’ house, breaking into a light jog once she’d recovered a little. The other problem was that she didn’t know what Tristan had meant by the invitation. Had it been a peace offering? Did he even expect her to come? Did he want to see her again as much as she wanted to see him? Had it been an accident? Had he just sent the invitation to all his contacts? There hadn’t been a message with the invitation, so there was no way for Ria to know. Since she’d first seen the message last night, it had been all she could think about.
The Robinsons’ house came back into view. Ria had another few hours before she needed to pick Callum up from kindergarten, so she took a shower and put together some lunch for herself and her young charge. As she did so, she kept thinking about the invitation.
It would be hard for her to see the little family again. And it would be silly to fly all the way back to San Francisco for a one-day event. She’d need to take time off from her brand-new nannying job. Worse, she’d need to walk back into the house she’d called home as a guest. And worst of all, she’d have to shake Tristan’s hand as though he’d never been anything more than her boss when, at one point, she’d imagined a future by his side. More than once, she’d pictured him taking her into his arms for a slow, deep kiss. She’d imagined him lifting her onto the counter in the kitchen, forgetting everything else in his desire to be near her. She’d imagined simpler things, too: evenings curled on the couch with her head on his arm; holding hands while walking with the kids; or waking up beside him in the morning.
It broke Ria’s heart to let go of her daydreams. But practical, cool, sweet Tristan would never show up with a bouquet of red roses and an apology. He would never show up at all. If Ria decided to see him again, it would be as nothing more than a family friend, and she just wasn’t sure she could handle that.
Yet she also wasn’t sure she could handle never seeing Tristan or the kids again.
Ria tried in vain to distract herself, first with a book, then with a TV show, and finally with a deep clean of the kitchen. Nothing worked. Eventually, it was time to pick Callum up, so Ria walked the half mile to his school, pulling the wagon the little boy liked to ride in. Callum came flying out of the school, all smiles and stories.
“Hi, Ria!” He jumped into the wagon. “School was so funny today.”
“What happened?”
Callum launched into a story about his teacher doing a dance to teach them phonics. Ria listened attentively, laughing in all the right places. For the first time since she’d gotten the birthday invitation, she was able to drag her thoughts away from Tristan West and his kids.
At home, Ria and Callum spent the afternoon painting with watercolors, playing hide-and-seek, and working on Callum’s “homework” of finding sticks, rocks, and leaves in particular colors outside.
“Look, Ria.” Callum pointed into a tree. “The squirrel is brown, too!” He was looking for something brown now and wasn’t entirely satisfied with the stick he’d found.
Ria’s heart skipped a beat as she remembered other young voices calling out about squirrels. Were the triplets still as excited about squirrels? She remembered how their faces lit up when they saw squirrels and how she would do anything to see them so happy. Perhaps Tristan had invited her to the party to make the kids happy, not because he wanted to see her. Ria wasn’t even sure what to hope for.
“Are you okay?” Callum asked.
“Of course.” Ria bent down to his level. “The squirrel is very nice and brown, but remember, we can’t take any living creatures into school.”
“Right.” Callum stuck out his lip. Then his face brightened. “What about dirt?”
Ria chuckled. “Let’s see what we can do about dirt.”
After the afternoon with Callum, Ria ate dinner with his parents and had an early night. It should have been a beautiful day, but it was hard to enjoy it fully with thoughts of the birthday invitation constantly drifting back into her mind. She was almost ready to curse Tristan’s name. When she’d finally been able to get him out of her head, he’d popped back in with this invitation.
Maybe the best thing to do was delete his number and forget all about the man who’d stolen her heart. In fact, the more Ria thought about it, the more certain she was. This was her life now — sunny picnics with Callum, trips to the beach, and being included in a new family. She had to enjoy it. She couldn’t let herself live in the past with Tristan.
Ria wouldn’t go to the party. It was better that she stayed here and embraced the life that was now hers — a life she would have dreamed of just a year or two ago.
Ria grabbed her phone from the bedside table. She was ready to delete Tristan’s number and the invitation. She was ready to put that chapter of her life behind her. She pulled up the message, tapped it, and reached for the delete button. Yet, instead of pressing it, she hesitated, her finger poised above the screen. Then she locked her phone and set it back on the bedside table.
For all her bravado, she wasn’t quite ready to let go yet.
Maybe she never would be.