Chapter 32 #2
"Well," she says, her eyes softening. "People don't jump in front of bullets because it's on their list of things to do that day.
They do it because they care about someone more than they care about themselves.
The love is so strong it pushes the fear away.
It makes their own life feel small next to the person they're saving. "
I swallow hard, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Why couldn't she choose us? Choose to stay alive?
" I run my hand through my hair, searching for words.
"It reminds me of that trolley problem. You know the one—train's coming, can't stop.
Eight people tied to one track, one person tied to another.
You're standing at the switch. Do you let it keep going, kill the eight?
Or do you pull the lever, divert it, kill the one?
Either way, you've got blood on your hands. "
Lilith's eyes soften. “Utilitarian theory - the greatest good for the greatest number," she murmurs. "But Roman, what if she couldn't bring herself to flip that switch? What if she already felt that baby's heartbeat as part of her own?"
I lift one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.
"Some things just don't have good answers.
" My chest feels heavy, and I need to steer us away from this topic.
"What are your thoughts on the eco-resort concept?
" Lilith saw some of the concepts integrated into my resort.
I wonder what she thinks about the entire project.
Lilith's eyes light up. “Like I said, it’s brilliant! And I’m so excited about some of the alternative spa therapies your father might provide that are based on ancient practices.
But what really excites me is the sustainability aspect.
Reducing the carbon footprint while connecting hospitality to nature's rhythms?
That's exactly what the industry needs. Is the location near any natural spaces? "
I drum my fingers against the edge of the desk.
"Laguna Beach. Prime location—ocean views with the canyon right behind it.
" My jaw tightens. "That is, once it's built.
Dad's eyeing one of my existing properties.
A boutique hotel I acquired last year but never personally managed.
His big plan is to buy it from me, convert it into complete eco-friendly and rebrand it as his signature resort. "
“Laguna is perfect!" Her smile widens. "Forest bathing is transformative—barefoot on the earth, pine-scented air filling your lungs, leaves crunching underfoot. And with ocean access too..."
I manage a tight nod, my thoughts drifting elsewhere.
She studies my face. "Are you considering reaching out to your father about collaborating on this?" Her hopeful expression makes me want to promise her I'll call him immediately. But I can't bring myself to offer false assurances.
I hold up a hand. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
" Then I pause, realizing something. My father's face flashes in my mind, and my jaw doesn't clench.
My fists don't ball up. The thought of him doesn't trigger that familiar surge of heat behind my eyes.
I still don't want to see him, but the murderous impulse has faded to a dull ache.
Is it Lilith's presence? Something about her melts the ice in my veins. Or maybe it's the work I've been doing, the mental reps of imagining a conversation where I don't launch myself across the table at him. Baby steps.
I lean in and kiss her. That same jolt runs through me. Strange how just talking with her calms me down, like sitting by the ocean. But when her lips part, that calm vanishes. My heart pounds, and I want more of her.
I lift her into my arms—Christ, she weighs nothing—and carry her to her bed, sheets already a mess from earlier.
She smells like that hippie shop of hers, jasmine and salt air, and I can't get enough.
As I devour her mouth, worship between her thighs, and finally drive into her with savage need, I burn every curve into my memory like a man possessed, mapping uncharted paradise.
She rakes her nails down my back, drawing blood, marking me as conquered territory—her territory—and I surrender completely to her claim.
Hours blur. Moonlight cuts across her back while she rides me and I drive into her again and again…Dawn's coming, but I don't give a damn. I want her again. And again. And again. Like some addiction I never saw coming, this need to taste every inch of her skin.
We finally lay in her bed, both of us sated for now, her in my arms as I stroke her hair and kiss her forehead lightly.
Lilith's dark hair spills across my chest, the green streaks catching the moonlight that filters through her bedroom windows. Her skin is warm against mine beneath the sheets.
"You know what I learned in my retreat in Big Sur," she says, tracing circles on my bare shoulder.
"What's that?" I watch her lips move, still swollen from our kisses.
"Well, there's a way to heal intergenerational trauma. It's something that anybody can really do, even people who don't believe in the things I believe in."
"And what's that?" I brush a strand of hair from her face, my dark eyes meeting hers.
She takes a deep breath, her chest rising against mine. "Visualization. Meditation. You focus on the trauma as if it's alive, breathing..." Her fingers dance in the air between us. "Then you surround it with white light until it turns to black smoke that just... disappears."
I smile as I thread my fingers through hers, feeling the delicate bones beneath her soft skin.
"I could try that," I say. I'm humoring her, but not really - I'm willing to try anything and if it helps to picture the trauma of losing my mother so young and having my father bolt for so many years as something bathed in white light until it turns to black smoke and disappears into the ether, then why not?
"I hope you do," she says, looking at me with those topaz-jade eyes that seem to shift color in the sunlight streaming through her windows.
"And there's always something else that helps, too," I say, tracing the curve of her collarbone with my thumb. "My MMA training. What do you say about coming to my charity match? I'll be raising money for breast cancer research, the same thing our family always raises money for."
I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her lavender shampoo.
This isn't something I share with just anybody.
I've been in charity tournaments before, and I've never once thought about inviting whatever woman I happened to be dating at the time.
But this is different. I'm realizing that I need Lilith like I need air.
"I'd love to go," she says, kissing me, her lips tasting faintly of the herbal tea she'd been drinking.
We make love again, slower this time, my hands mapping every curve and hollow of her body as if committing it to memory.
Neither of us have anyplace to go today, as it's Saturday and I always take Saturdays off to surf.
Surfing will happen today, of course, as usual, the Pacific waves calling to me like an old friend. But later on today.
For right now, there's just the two of us, drowning in each other in Egyptian cotton sheets that feel like clouds against our skin.