23. Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Three
Licia
It had been a while since I allowed myself to unwind just for the fun of it, rather than to clear my head or run from my troubles.
But I had come to realize that my life was never going to be free of drama, and there was no escaping it. The best I could do was come up with new coping mechanisms to deal with them as they came, one at a time.
I hadn’t been able to free myself from the feelings that haunted me since Kevin's visit the other day at the hospital. I didn’t want to think about everything he said about his son, Chloe, and the complicated situation they were in.
Yet, it had been all I could think about for days. It was as if I was caught in a never-ending loop: one minute, I was pulling off a perfect act, pretending to be fine, convincing myself that I was finally getting over him.
Then, in the next minute, he would show up, and my defenses would come crashing down like a house of cards.
Taking a walk in the park by myself didn’t seem like a bad idea, given the solitude that came with it. I closed my eyes, leaning back in the bathtub, and painted soothing pictures in my head.
I imagined families having their little picnics on the lush, well-mown grass; people walking their dogs; mothers wheeling their babies around in strollers; lovers on secret rendezvous, nestled comfortably in each other’s arms.
I could almost feel the rustling of dry leaves under my feet as I walked across the path, hear the creaking sound of rusting nuts from the old wooden bench.
A small smile tugged at my lips in anticipation of this peaceful escape.
On the other hand, I could embark on a shopping spree with Joey. If there was one thing Joey loved, aside from raking in millions of dollars in real estate deals, it was spending my money. In her words, it would be a disservice to me if she didn’t encourage me to be carefree now and then.
What I needed was to drown out the tumultuous thoughts in my head. Anything that could help with that was worth my while, even if it meant being dragged along by Joey.
I picked up my phone and typed out a quick text. After reading it over with a smile on my face, I sent it to her.
*Hi, Jo. Are you free for an all-expense-paid shopping experience?*
I hadn’t even placed the phone back on the table when her reply came in with a blushing emoji.
*Of course. Where do we meet up?*
I smiled, shaking my head. So typical of Joey. I knew she would jump at it.
*Meet me at the park by 4 p.m. We’ll take off from there.*
Three dotted lines appeared on the screen, indicating she was typing a response. I waited.
*Who’s sponsoring this? Avery or you?*
I knew why she was asking, so I answered honestly.
*This rendezvous is courtesy of me, Joey. Happy now?*
She responded quickly this time.
*See you by 4 then, dear friend.*
Joey and I had an amazing time buying as many things as we wanted, without paying any heed to the cost. Not that we needed that much stuff , but it wasn’t every day that I indulged in such extravagance. Today, however, I was happy to do so.
I picked up two different pairs of shoes. “Beige or mauve?” I lifted them alternatively for Joey to help me choose.
She tilted her head, her fingers steepled in front of her lips. “Hmm, I think I like beige better.”
I dropped the mauve shoe and completed the beige pair without any questions.
“Do you need more things?” I asked Joey as she rolled the cart to the cashier to make our payments. I had just laid eyes on a cerulean purse I thought she might like.
Joey gave me a suspicious look. “Licia, are you dying tomorrow or suffering from a terminal illness I don’t know about?” She asked, her forehead creased with concern. “I know I can be a lot, but please don’t die on me. I still need you.”
I laughed, a genuine, hearty laugh. “How in the world did you come up with that? I only asked if you wanted to get more things. That purse looks really chic,” I emphasized, pointing to the purse that had caught my attention earlier.
“This is already a lot of shopping for one day, Licia. We’ve gone from the spa to the jeweler, to designer fashion outlets, and now we’re here. Don’t get me wrong; I love the treat, but you’re not usually this spendthrift. So, how else could I explain it?”
“True, it doesn’t happen every day. Why don’t you just enjoy the moment?”
“I am enjoying it, but there’s more to it, isn’t there? Am I right?”
I sighed. Joey always had a way of reading me like a book. “Well, I needed to let off some steam, but it’s nothing linked to death or illness. Don’t worry, I’ll be around for a long time.”
“So there is something, after all,” she asserted.
“Yes, there is. Let’s just do what we’re here to do, and then we can talk about it later.”
“If that’s the case, I think I’ve gotten more than enough. We can pay for these and head out.”
There was no winning an argument with Joey. She always found a way to have the last word.
“Fine by me.”
I settled the bills, and we proceeded to load the items into the car. I took a moment to check out all the purchases. The back seat of the car was filled with bags.
“Now do you see what I’m talking about?” Joey asked, seeing my reaction to the mountain of items we bought. “It’s a crazy amount.”
I chuckled. “I know. I just had to distract myself from my chaotic thoughts. Thanks for walking with me through it.”
“Save the thanks for later. Tell me, what’s the matter?” she probed, securing her seat belt after shutting her door.
“At this rate, I think I have the weirdest love life and deserve a world record for it.”
“How so? I thought Avery was doing amazingly well at winning your heart. You barely have time to talk to me anymore.”
“Why are you so petty? I thought I explained why I couldn’t make it to your house the other day. Why are you still hung up on it?” I was laughing uncontrollably, but I kept my eyes on the road. I was wary of car crashes.
“I had totally forgotten about that!” she raised her hands in mock surrender.
“Pinocchio… Anyway, Avery isn’t the problem. I think I am.”
She giggled. “Explain.”
“How does it make sense that I’m madly in love with the man who breaks my heart at every turn? Or at least, I feel like he does.”
“Kevin?”
“Yes. Who else, if not him? Isn’t that considered toxic? Why can’t I seem to move on from him? I don’t want to break Avery’s heart. He’s too good to go through that.”
“A heart in love can be blind and deaf to reason. I know that feeling. I can’t tell you what to do because it wouldn’t make sense. You know what you feel, and it’s very valid, but think it over thoroughly.”
“How could I be running toward someone I should stay away from? It baffles me. It defies all logic.”
“So, what are you going to do about Avery now?” Joey always liked to explore all aspects of a situation, no matter how uncomfortable it was.
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I feel compelled to call it quits with him before it gets too difficult to do so. He has been nothing but sweet, supportive, and patient all this while, but I can’t punish him by staying with him when my heart beats and longs for another.”
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t trust my judgment, but I will stick to my so-called clairvoyance.”
“Anyway, I’ll support whatever you decide.”
I smiled sadly. “As if you had a choice in the matter. How’s Enzo, though? It’s been a while since I saw him.”
“He’s good, and things are going really well between us, except for the minor bickering over preferences. You wouldn’t believe what Lorenzo thinks of mac and cheese! My God, we literally argued about the authenticity of pasta and how we’re abusing it.”
“I can picture how red you were with fury.”
“He blew my mind with how seriously he took the whole thing, even going as far as rambling in Italian.”
Just when I thought I had the craziest relationship…
“Lucky you. At least he didn’t spring a surprise child on you.”
“That’s a whole different level altogether, but I don’t think I would mind, though.”
“How about we drop by his café? I suddenly crave those amazing cupcakes.” The real intent was to tease the couple, not for the cupcakes, per se.
“I’d rather take a rain check on that. I just need to crash at your place. My feet really hurt from walking through all those stores.”
“You can do that later.” I wasn’t going to let her trick me.
Before Joey could protest further, I was already veering onto the other side of the road. Our day was far from over, and more so, I couldn’t pass up this rare opportunity to tease Lorenzo about mac and cheese.
***
I felt a wave of uncertainty as I pressed Avery’s doorbell, quietly counting down in my head. When I blurted out over the intercom that we needed to talk, I thought I had everything figured out, but it was proving much harder than I’d imagined.
Avery finally opened the door after forty-five seconds—yes, I’d been counting to distract myself. He wasn’t smiling like he usually did, but he wasn’t giving away any emotion either. It was hard to read what he was feeling.
“Come in,” he said, his tone neutral.
I considered suggesting we sit at the small shelter beside the main building to keep things more casual, but I didn’t want to make things even more awkward, so I followed him inside.
“Avery…” I began slowly, feeling the weight of the painful conversation ahead.
He cut me off right away. “If you’re about to apologize for what you’re going to say, please don’t.”
“You deserve better,” I said softly.
He chuckled. “Licia, I know what I deserve. It’s a shame we didn’t work out. I had my doubts from the start, but I took a chance because you made me believe in love again. The way I love you is intense, and I want to hold on to that. So, please, don’t tarnish the memories we have with apologies or regrets.”
“I feel like I led you on, only to leave you in the lurch.”
“I volunteered to be your rebound guy, remember? I’m still committed to your happiness, even if that doesn’t mean being with me.”
“What kind of man are you?” I asked, a mix of admiration and confusion in my voice.
“A rare breed, I’d say,” he replied with a smile. Finally, he was smiling.
The way he kept finding ways to make this easier on me, even as I was ending things, was heartwarming. If I hadn’t already been in love with someone else, Avery might have been the one for me.
“You truly are one of a kind,” I said.
“Since you’ve gone to the trouble of coming all the way here, would you at least do me the honor of sharing a last supper?”
I nodded, smiling wistfully. “I’d be happy to.”
He studied me for a moment with an intensity that made me feel both curious and a little self-conscious.
“You’re staring, Avery,” I said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah… I’m just going to miss you.”
I relaxed, feeling a bittersweet ache. “Same here. I already do.”