Chapter Four
I made it to thirty-one before making the biggest mistake of my life and now I’m living in the aftermath of it.
Phoebe was in my arms, and I let her walk away. I’ve never been so angry with myself.
At the moment, I thought I was doing the right thing. But now I don’t give a shit about the right thing. I want her back.
I have half a mind to jump on a plane and fly to her today. But she has school and I have work.
The last thing I want to do is disrupt her life. She made it abundantly clear we were fucking and parting ways. I don’t want to be desperate. Or I guess I don’t want her to know how desperate I am.
Still, I can’t help wondering if the way she hesitated after she told me she had to leave in the morning was a missed opportunity for me to beg her to stay.
I’m not used to begging, but damn, I would go back in time and figure out a way to extend what we had, whatever it took. I’d never keep her from going back to Connecticut, but I would have planned something for the future. Anything to keep our conversation going.
A copy of It’s in His Kiss on the corner of my desk catches my attention, and I clutch it like a lifeline.
It’s so obvious.
I’m about to text her some ideas for the next book we can read when Elijah walks into my office.
“I need those copies for the Rodriguez project by tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.” My cheeks prickle and I struggle to meet his eyes.
“Everything okay?”
Before I can answer, he sits across from me and tents his hands on my desk. His eyes are gray, like Phoebe’s, but they do nothing for my heart.
His hair is a darker shade of her red than hers—something I’ve always known, but never really noticed.
He quirks his brow and watches me watching him.
I clear my throat and plaster on a smile. “Still feeling a little hungover from the wedding.”
“You could’ve taken today off—”
“Yeah, but the deadline with the Rodriguez project has me losing sleep.”
He sighs and leans back in his chair. “Same. The downsides of owning a business, eh?”
I smirk and shuffle some papers on my desk to appear more natural and not like I’m picturing his sister with her skirt hiked up right before she took every inch of me.
He’s right. Owning Trees of Steel comes with a lot of rewards and benefits, but some days are hard, like this one. We’re here doing paperwork on a Sunday while the rest of Clover Creek enjoys another day of sunshine.
It beats sitting at home pining over someone I can’t have, though.
“I need to make a few changes to the diagrams for the second floor and then print the final copies. I’ll have it on your desk by tomorrow morning.”
Elijah gets to his feet, and I have to talk or fill the space somehow before he asks me about Phoebe and how we danced a little too long and a little too close all night.
“How’s my brother?”
He snorts and leans against my doorframe. “The one who’s enjoying the first day of a month-long honeymoon?”
“Ha. I’m sure that guy is fine.” I shake my head and get to my feet. “No, the one you had to carry up those damn concrete steps after the wedding.”
“Yeah, a little help would’ve been nice.” Elijah scoffs, but his face softens instantly. “He’s tucked into bed with a fluffy blanket and enough electrolyte drinks to keep him hydrated for the rest of the year.”
“Thanks for looking out for him.”
“Always.” Elijah’s face twists into a small smile before he ducks out of my office.
It seems like my brothers have everything sorted out. It’s a weird feeling. Usually I’m the one putting out fires or making the peace, but no one needs me.
My sister Mila and her husband Tobias are doing well—well enough they thought it was completely fine to tell everyone they’re trying for a baby. Thanks for letting me know you’re getting cream pied by one of my best friends every night, sis.
My youngest brother, Beau, is living with his platonic soulmate, being pampered like a princess as he nurses a hangover. He can get away with not coming into the office until he’s better. Elijah will take on whatever workload he has to in order to keep Beau cozy.
Liam and Felicity are literally embarking on a month-long trip around the states to see all the places they’ve wanted to see but have been too busy to visit.
And where does that leave me?
Sitting in my office on a Sunday, tweaking some diagrams before sending them to a client. Answering the emails my assistant, Gwen, forwarded to me.
Sometimes I feel like this isn’t my dream anymore. And then I wonder if it ever was my dream. In the beginning, I fought Liam about moving to San Francisco, even though he showed me the numbers he’d run, proving California would be a better place for us to start. I wanted to stay in Washington. I wanted to let my roots keep growing where they were originally planted, but that wasn’t his dream.
We had a shared dream for Trees of Steel, but I was happy to keep it in Clover Creek. Obviously, Liam’s vision about exponential growth was correct. We wouldn’t be as successful if we had started out in our small town.
But now, I’m not so sure we need to keep going like we are.
Everything I’m doing on this CAD software could be done by someone else who wants to be here. Someone who enjoys the nuance of getting a blueprint just right.
I’m in this weird in between place where I know I’ve outgrown Trees of Steel, but I’m not sure what I would do if I wasn’t here.
I save the diagram and hit the print button, my mind heavy with the future and what I’ll say to Phoebe when I finally have a chance to message her.
An error message flashes across the computer screen, and I try it again.
Nothing.
Peeling myself out of my chair, I stare at the printer for a few seconds before I remember the rebooting sequence.
Two copies of the plans shoot out before I can cancel the second. I roll them up, my mind elsewhere as I head to Elijah’s office.
Right outside his door, my phone buzzes, Phoebe’s name flashing across the screen.
We normally keep our conversations to text. My pulse thunders in my ears as I answer, diagrams forgotten.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ben.” Her voice takes me back to last night, and I hate knowing she’s thousands of miles away.
I breathe her name and debate begging her to come back to Clover Creek. Or to let me move to Connecticut with her.
My mouth opens, but she saves me before I can embarrass myself.
“This is off-the-wall crazy, but would you be my date to a Regency Ball? I kind of told my sorority sister you were my date because she wouldn’t leave me alone…” She keeps talking, the nerves clear in her voice as she explains her situation.
“I would love to,” I cut in.
“You’ll do it?”
“It seems like a perfectly logical thing for us to do.”
I mouth the words perfectly logical and mimic gagging. Who am I?
“Great.” I can hear the smile in her voice as she goes over the details and says goodbye.
“Was that Phoebe?”
Elijah’s tone holds nothing I can read.
I have two choices. One, lie to my best friend and bury myself deeper with each lie. Or be honest and let things fall how they’re meant to fall.
“She has a Regency Ball coming up—”
His face lights up and he takes the plans from me. “Phoebe told me about that. She planned the whole thing.”
“And she asked me to go with her.”
Elijah’s smile only grows. “Great.”
“Great?”
“Yeah? The two of you won’t shut up about those books. A dance where you can nerd out about it sounds great.”
I eye him. “You’re not weirded out?”
“Do you want me to be weirded out?”
I shake my head and back out of his office. “Not at all.”
His laughter rings through the hallway as I rush to my desk to plan. I type out a detailed list for Gwen to take care of while I’m gone and contemplate scrapping the whole thing. She knows what to do and I’m pretty sure she’d have an issue with me coddling her with a paint-by-numbers task list.
I need to put all my focus on Phoebe.
The dance is in a week, and this is my chance to make up for letting her walk away yesterday.
I won’t screw it up.