Chapter 1 #2
For a strange second, she almost felt sorry for him. He’d thrown away something good and real for something flashy that wouldn’t last. People’s respect for him was going to fade enormously after this. Had he really been such a fool all along, and she hadn’t known?
She didn’t say anything to the cop in response. She was stunned into complete silence, her mind beginning to whir through memories of Clark coming home late or making bizarre excuses for having to leave the house to make a phone call. At that time, she’d never suspected anything.
I guess I should have, she thought, feeling as though there was an aching hole in her chest. I should have been more suspicious. But I trusted him.
Hot tears sprang into her eyes, but she did her best to blink them back and keep her voice steady.
“Thank you, officer,” she said. “I appreciate you calling.”
The officer murmured an awkward goodbye, and she hung up the phone. Silence buzzed in her ears, and for a few seconds she simply stared at the kitchen counter, feeling completely numb and dazed.
Then, somewhere underneath the numbness, something quiet and hard settled into place. She was going to stop thinking about him. As much as she could. It was time to move on, although she knew what a long and painful process it was sure to be.
Then her phone began to ring again, and for a terrible moment, she thought it was Clark.
She didn’t want to talk to him—possibly not ever again.
The man she’d loved, who she’d thought Clark was, didn’t exist. She would mourn him, but she didn’t want to talk to Clark about why he’d done what he’d done or suffer through any self-absorbed apologies he might offer.
A second later, however, she breathed a sigh of relief. The caller was her daughter, Michelle.
A rush of peace swept over Audrey. She had lost so much in the past few minutes, but she hadn’t lost her daughter. Her bright, brave, beautiful daughter was still in her life and always would be.
“Hey, hon.” Audrey did her best to swallow the sound of her crying, since she hadn’t told Michelle anything about her father’s disappearance yet. She hadn’t wanted to worry her, clinging to the hope that it would all work out fine and there would be no need to alarm her daughter.
As soon as she heard her daughter’s voice, however, Audrey wondered if Michelle had somehow heard the news. Michelle sounded distraught, and her voice shook as she spoke.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey. Are you okay, sweetie?”
That’s motherhood, Audrey thought with a wry smile. My world just shattered into pieces and now the first thing on my mind is wondering why my daughter is crying and hoping I can make it better.
“Not really.” Michelle took a shaky breath. “I have some really bad news.”
Audrey swallowed, wondering if Michelle was talking about Clark and his recent betrayal. “About what?”
“About work.”
“Oh.” Audrey let out a puff of air that was full of both disappointment and relief.
She didn’t want to be the one to tell Michelle about her father, but she was also glad that the gossip hadn’t been traveling like lightning—at least not yet.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I—well, I have some bad news too. ”
“About what?”
Audrey swallowed. There were some things that needed to be said in person. “Why don’t you come over, sweetheart? Can you? I think we should talk in person.”
“Oh my gosh. It’s really that bad?”
“Yeah.”
“Did somebody die?”
“No, nobody died.”
Just my marriage, Audrey thought.
Michelle sighed in relief. “Okay, I’ll drive over there now. Be there in fifteen minutes?”
“Sounds perfect,” Audrey said. “I can’t wait to see you.”
Her daughter had no idea how true those words were, she thought as she hung up the phone and set it down limply on the counter.
She looked around her kitchen, suddenly aware of how messy it was.
She felt a strange satisfaction at the thought of cleaning it, as if tidying up and scrubbing her space could wash away some of the bad feelings that had plagued her week.
She didn’t start cleaning, however, deciding to tackle that task after Michelle’s visit.
She went upstairs to her and Clark’s bedroom, where she avoided looking at his side of the bed, not wanting her tears to start afresh.
She kicked off her heels, enjoying the thunking sound they made on the wooden floorboards.
Why did she wear heels all the time, anyway? Who was she trying to impress? Clark?
She snorted a little as she pulled off her black slacks and her cashmere turtleneck sweater.
She left her dirty clothes on the floor and went over to her bottom dresser drawer, from which she took a pair of old fleece sweatpants and a hoodie that she’d bought at Michelle’s university and worn only a handful of times.
Audrey pulled on the comfy clothes with a sigh of satisfaction.
In the midst of all her feelings of pain and confusion, she had to admit that there was also a feeling of freedom. She could do anything she wanted, now.
But what on earth would that be?
She was startled from her thoughts by the sound of Michelle’s car pulling into the driveway. Audrey hurried downstairs on her bare feet, thinking to herself that she wanted nothing more than to give her daughter an enormous hug.
Michelle pushed opened the front door a moment later, looking exhausted and worried.
Her brown hair was pulled back with a white clip, and her hazel eyes looked a little bloodshot, as if she’d been crying.
She too was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, and Audrey almost wanted to chuckle, thinking to herself that the two of them matched.
Michelle vaulted into her mother’s arms, and Audrey held her tightly, soaking in the feeling of love and peace that came from the embrace of her daughter. Michelle smelled slightly of mangos and vanilla, and Audrey closed her eyes, transported for a brief second back to happier times.
We’ll have happy times again, she told herself fiercely. I won’t let myself despair. This might be the end of my marriage, but it’s not the end of me.
“What’s your news, Mom?” Michelle asked, her voice a little raspy as if she’d been crying a lot.
“Come sit on the couch with me,” Audrey said, wrapping an arm around her daughter’s shoulder and leading her into the living room.
Michelle sat down on the couch next to her mother and took her hands. “Just tell me, Mom. You’re scaring me.”
Audrey thought of how she’d wanted the cop to blurt out his news about Clark, since she’d been so tired of waiting in suspense.
She suspected that Michelle felt the same way.
But would it really be right to just hurl information like that at her with no warning?
Surely Michelle had no idea that her father would ever do anything like what he’d done.
“It’s about your father.” Audrey took a deep breath, wanting to phrase it all as delicately as she could while still honoring her daughter’s request to tell her quickly. “He’s okay, but—well, he’s done something. Something that means he and I aren’t going to be married anymore.”
Michelle held perfectly still, not moving. Her eyes were wide. “He had an affair?”
Audrey nodded. “And he left with her. Just disappeared. I haven’t known where he was for the past two days—I’ve been frantic.”
That, Audrey thought to herself, was the worst part about it.
The infidelity was horrible, but the fact that he’d left and not given her any reassurance that he was okay?
It showed how little he cared about her, and how little he was thinking of her.
That made it more clear to her than anything else that their marriage was over.
“He what? He ran off with someone? Who?” Michelle’s voice was almost a whisper. She looked completely stunned.
Audrey grimaced. “Molly Taylor.”
“Molly Taylor? What? She graduated high school just a few years after me!”
Both Audrey and Michelle looked at each other, letting the truth sink in. Then all at once, Michelle started to laugh. She was a little hysterical, Audrey could tell, but a moment later she started to laugh with her.
I guess I’m a little hysterical too, she thought, but it felt amazing to laugh.
“Molly—oh my god, she used to be so annoying.” Michelle shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “She’s got that laugh. She’s always laughing like she wants attention.”
“Well, I guess she got it,” Audrey said, and she and Michelle continued to laugh.
Finally they stopped, wiping tears from their eyes. Audrey’s heart still ached, and she still felt as if the situation had punched her in the gut, but she felt better now that she’d laughed about it with Michelle. It was painful, certainly, but it also had some elements of the absurd.
“What are you going to do, Mom?” Michelle asked softly.
Audrey stared into space, thinking for a moment. She hadn’t even gotten that far, not really. She could do anything, now that her marriage was at an end. What was it that she wanted to do?
“I feel as though I need to get out of this city,” Audrey said, shaking her head.
“I’ve been feeling kind of suffocated and restless for a long time.
I’ve been slowly admitting to myself that it’s because your father and I have been growing apart.
I just kept telling myself that it was normal for the spark to be gone in a marriage that’s lasted as long as ours.
I kept telling myself we had loyalty, even if we didn’t have passion anymore.
But I guess that loyalty was one-sided.” She scoffed.
“I never in a thousand years would have thought that he would do this. But maybe, in the end, this is what I needed too. I need a change, and a fresh start.”
Michelle nodded. They were both quiet for a long time, and then Michelle softly said, “Yeah, me too.”
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, hon. I’ve made this all about me. What’s your news?“ Audrey wrapped an arm around her daughter. “You said it was something with work?”