Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Evan stared at his feet as they moved—one in front of the other, in front of the other, in front of the other—
Around him, the garden of Elaine’s mansion rustled with the sounds of a spring evening.
Birds sang short, high-pitched notes from the branches of the trees, and the wind rustled the leaves, making them sound like the swishing skirts of all the women who had lived in the mansion for centuries.
There was a peaceful atmosphere in the garden that was almost nostalgic.
Evan found himself wishing he lived in a home like the one behind him—one filled with warm, sweet aromas and the sound of music and laughter.
The golden lights of the mansion glowed out into the serene dusk, as beautiful as a painting of twilight.
Just open your mouth and speak, Evan, he told himself. The words don’t have to be perfect. All you need to do is speak.
It was the fourth time he’d given himself a similar pep talk, but he still hadn’t managed to open his mouth and start the conversation that he’d come there to have with Audrey.
He lived his life always trying to do the correct thing as much as he could, and in this case, he didn’t know what the correct thing was.
He knew what he wanted to say to Audrey, but he felt tongue-tied, wondering what the best way was to go about saying it.
He cleared his throat, feeling at a loss for words. He decided to start the conversation with something else, so that he could ease into the whole thing.
“Did you figure out a name for the mansion?” he asked.
Audrey, who had been strolling at his side with a quietness that was unusual for her, brightened immediately. “Yup. We’ve decided to name it The Birchwood House.”
Evan, feeling beside himself with distraction, hardly heard her. “Oh, interesting,” he said, trying to be complimentary but unable to keep his tone from being a little flat. “That’s a very innovative name choice.”
Audrey’s brow furrowed. “It’s actually quite logical, considering how many birch trees are in the front yard.”
Evan felt a twinge of dismay. Here he was trying to have an important conversation with her, and he’d just accidentally upset her. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said, feeling flustered. “I didn’t mean… well, the truth is, I’m a bit distracted and I’d rather just get out what I came here to say.”
“It’s okay,” Audrey said.
“What?” Evan asked. “So… you don’t want me to say what I came here to talk with you about?”
She shook her head, smiling slightly. “No, it’s okay that you said that the name was innovative. I understand that you meant well.”
He smiled back at her and took a deep breath, finally feeling the courage to get the words out.
“Audrey, I’ve loved spending time with you.
I thought our date was wonderful. It was the most fun I’ve had—well, in a long time.
I admire you and your determination a great deal.
I understand that you have reservations about becoming involved with someone after what you’ve been through, especially considering how recently it happened.
So I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything, but if you are interested in us pursuing getting to know each other further, I would love it if you would give me a chance. ”
Audrey’s lips parted, and she sucked in her breath. Her eyes were shining, but she wasn’t smiling.
What is she thinking? Evan wondered. It looks as though she’s tempted to say yes, but I can’t be sure.
“I…” Audrey’s voice trailed off and she stared into space across the garden. “I loved spending time with you too. I thought our date was very fun, and very… well uplifting, for lack of a better word. You seem like a very kind man, Evan McBride, underneath your grumpiness.”
He smiled, feeling his heat beating faster with hope. Was she about to say yes?
“I wish I could just say yes,” she said carefully, as if she was worried about hurting his feelings, and his heart sank.
“I wish that this whole thing was completely uncomplicated. But the reality is that I need more time to decide how much I can actually commit to offering you. I’m not sure if I’m ready to start dating right now.
Part of me isn’t sure I’ll ever be willing to date again.
And I don’t want to lead you on now if I’m going to end up deciding soon that I’m just not up for any kind of romance. ”
“I understand.” Evan nodded, his brain buzzing.
He felt as though he was in a daze, and he wasn’t even sure what his emotions were.
She hadn’t said yes, and that was disappointing, but she hadn’t said no either.
He felt as though he couldn’t process her words yet, and his emotions were caught in suspension, in the midst of falling and hoping to land safely.
“It’s not you,” she assured him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “It’s not that I’m not interested in you, it’s not that at all.” She smiled at him sweetly.
He felt his emotions land with relief and a flutter of hope and he smiled back at her. Although he still felt disappointed that she hadn’t said yes, he was content with her answer. It was certainly a much better result than her saying no!
“Well, thank you for saying that,” he said, his voice soft.
“I appreciate it. And that’s okay with me—your answer, I mean.
I’m not going anywhere. I’ll wait.” He smiled at her, and turned toward the street, where his car was parked.
“I guess I’ll head on home, then. Thank you for talking with me, Audrey.
” He took a step toward the street, but she stopped him by grabbing his hand.
“Wait a second,” she said, her voice breathless. She looked up into his eyes for an electric moment, and then she quickly looked away. “Would you—well, would you mind us kissing? I mean, right now?”
Evan’s eyes widened, and he felt frozen to the spot. She wanted to kiss him? Suddenly he seemed to have forgotten how to move properly.
“I understand if you’d rather not,” Audrey continued, talking rapidly as if she was nervous.
“I haven’t told you yes or no for sure yet, and I probably shouldn’t even have asked—actually, it was probably inconsiderate of me to ask—and I really don’t want you to feel bad at all if you feel like you need to say—”
Evan took her face in his hands, gently, and she let out a huff of air and stopped talking.
“I certainly will kiss you,” he said, and brought his lips forward to meet hers.
Their kiss was short but tender, and when it was over, Evan felt a kind of glow fill him. Audrey stared up at him smiling, and he heard her inhale a little shakily before she smiled.
He felt a bittersweet ache in his heart as he gazed down at her.
He wished with all his might in that moment that she would simply say yes and that they could start dating in earnest. He knew it would be difficult for him to hope that things would work out between them while having no idea if she would ever be ready to date him or not.
“Goodnight,” he whispered, forcing a smile that he now only partially felt.
“Goodnight,” she whispered back.
She squeezed his hand and turned around to hurry up the path toward the mansion.
He started to walk toward his car but paused on the sidewalk to look back.
She was standing on the porch, watching him, the light from the windows creating a kind of halo of light around her curls.
She lifted her arm in a wave and he waved back.
At least I got to kiss her, he thought, feeling his chest tighten. I’ll never forget that kiss. The two of us touching like that feels meant to be.
He continued on his way to his car, his heart aching a little. He wondered if Audrey would ever be ready to open up her heart to the possibility of getting to know him more deeply. What if she never was, and all the hope and longing he was feeling just went to waste?