Chapter 10 #2
“You come home from those sessions looking like you’ve been crying the entire time. Sometimes I think it makes you more depressed.”
“It does.” I sigh. “It’s not something I look forward to. Talking about that hellish stuff is hard.”
“Then why go?”
“Callum, Mom, and Dad all think I need to heal from everything that happened.”
“What do you think?”
I raise my head and turn, resting my leg on the bench and facing Bren. “It helps a little, but the pain is still there. That never goes away. I’ve just learned how to hide it from them.”
“Then why waste your time?” He fiddles with his cigarette case. “You’re young, Liv. Once you get older, you won’t have the same freedom you do now.”
I fake a laugh. “Some freedom.”
“Then start living. Beg Mom and Dad to let you get your GED. Stop going to therapy and enjoy your fucking life.”
“How? You know they wouldn’t let me do any of that.”
“Sure they would. Just make them believe you’ve got your issues under control.” He smirks. “I’ve taught you how to handle them. You just need to tap into your acting abilities and get them where you want them again.”
“Yeah, but you just come right out and tell them what you’re doing. They never get mad or stop you from doing anything. I don’t get that same treatment.”
“Bullshit. You’ve gotten your way your entire life. Go back to how you were before. Use the power you have and get them to flip.” He grunts out a huff. “I even watch you do it with guys. It’s kind of the same thing.”
“I don’t use any powers over men.” I push his shoulder.
He returns the favor. “Yes, you do. Cash was about to fight the guy you were flashing your cleavage to tonight. And let’s not forget when you told me you did it to Jaxon Crowne just to make him feel uncomfortable.”
“I can’t help it if men look at my boobs.”
“Come on, Livianna. You use your body as a weapon and you know it.” Bren takes out another joint. “Figure out what you can do to get Mom and Dad off your back and you’ll be able to do anything you want.”
“But—”
“No. You’ve pulled it off countless times. Maybe you didn’t realize you had, but you have. Just remember that and quit doing the things you don’t wanna do.” He lights his weed and inhales.
I consider what he said. He’s not wrong about me getting what I want with my parents. I do know how to do that but haven’t tried in a while for fear they’d make me stop seeing Callum.
Bren’s other point slaps me in the face.
I shrink a little. “I only give men a peek at my chest because it makes me feel in control.”
He tries to hand me the joint, but I wave it off.
He releases his drag from his lungs. “I don’t know how Cash deals with knowing you do that.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He’s the most jealous asshole I’ve ever met. When we were on the road, he would get all pissy just knowing you had a kissing scene you were shooting. Honestly, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten into more fights because of you.”
“Imagine how I feel. You guys have girls coming on to you all the time. You’ve shared women, for fuck’s sake. If he can’t handle guys finding me attractive, that’s on him and I won’t let you try to make me feel guilty for that.”
“That’s not what I was doing. I was only trying to get you to understand you have more power than you realize.”
“But I’m not going around and fucking them.”
“I know that, Livianna. And for the record, he hasn’t been with anyone since you. Now chill out and take another drag.” Bren shoves the joint in my face. “You’re more fun when you’re laughing.”
I take it from him and do another hit. He’s right once again.
Being high definitely makes me more relaxed. We finish smoking and I let my thoughts flow.
I peek around me to make sure no one else can hear what I’m about to say.
Paranoia much, Livianna?
I erase the thought and tap Bren’s leg. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“That depends. What have you done this time?”
“Nothing. I swear.”
He studies me with half-opened bloodshot eyes. “Then tell me.”
“I’m thinking about quitting the show.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve been getting more involved in designing The Ember line and it makes me feel…inspired.”
“Why?”
“It’s not about the brand itself. It’s about creating. Fashion is interesting to me. I think I’d be good at it.”
“You dress like you’re coming off the page of a magazine, so maybe it’s a good fit.”
“How do you think Mom and Dad would feel?”
He stands and strolls out of the room.
I get up and rush to his side. “Bren, I asked you a question. Why are you walking away?”
“Because we had this conversation already. Quit doing the shit you don’t wanna do. Figure out a way to do the stuff you do and start enjoying your life.”
I follow him down the hallway. “But this is different.”
“It’s not. You’re too high to understand that right now.” He glances at something. “Fuck, Livianna. It’s almost midnight. Cash is gonna kill me if we don’t get you to him now.”
I look over at the TV and realize there are only five minutes before the ball drops. I take a frantic sweep of the crowded room.
Callum isn’t anywhere and with that realization, the reason I left with Bren in the first place pegs me between the eyes. Zara.
Everyone here is jam-packed into the living room area to watch the countdown and she’s nowhere in sight. My blood pressure skyrockets.
Last year screeches into my brain. They were together.
Alone.
Not this year. I race down the winding staircase.
If she thinks she’s going to pull the same thing she did before, she’s got another thing coming.