Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
JAXON/JAX
Then
Tangled Sheets & Mixed Cravings
We pretend not to notice the flames until the heat tastes like a promise neither of us can keep.
“What do you mean, you planned this?” I back away and calm my racing heart.
Livianna continues to advance on me. “I decided earlier that you were who I wanted to kiss when the clock strikes midnight.”
“Livianna…” Damn, that sounds like a perfect way to end the evening. “We both know that can’t happen.”
“Why?” She slides her palms up my chest and around my neck. “I’ve told you before I find you attractive. You’ve said some nice things to me tonight. That tells me you like me, too.”
I rest my hands on the curve of her waist. “Just because I think you’re pretty doesn’t mean I believe anything should happen between us.”
“Come on, Jax, let yourself live a little.”
“Like you do?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She steps out of my arms.
“Just that.” I motion up and down her body. “You’re destroying yourself.”
“What?”
“Look in the mirror, Livianna. You’re more altered than you think.”
“I am not.” She spins and stomps away. “Why do you always have to ruin a good thing?”
“Because stopping you from making a huge mistake is better.” I follow her.
She huffs, shoves the door open, and leaves the room. She might be angry with me, but at least she didn’t add more chemicals to her already altered mind.
“Livianna.” I reach her side. “I’m only trying to look out for you. This isn’t me rejecting you.”
“Really? Could’ve fooled me.” She gives me a side-eye glare and trips a little. She recovers well and needs no help from me. “Jax, why have you been spending time with me tonight if you’re not into me?”
I run my hand down my beard and release a heavy sigh. “I care about you. That’s why.”
“How so?” She stops, faces me, and folds her arms over her chest. “Explain to me what you mean because I’m tired of making an ass out of myself.”
I stand before her. “You’re not even twenty years old, Livianna.”
“So? What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m almost twice your age.”
She stares at me, seemingly considering something. “You’re not thirty-eight. And who cares if you were? We’re both adults, so what’s the problem?”
I try to hook onto something, but I come up with nothing. Hunter didn’t have an issue with her age and he’s in his thirties.
What is my hang-up around this? Her dad and his reaction flit on the screen of my mind.
I shift and look away. “It can’t work. I’m a family friend and that’s all it can ever be.”
“That’s what I thought.” She continues back to the party with an unstable gait. “You sure know how to make a woman feel fabulous about herself.”
“You’re a beautiful young lady. Please don’t doubt that.”
“Um-hmm.”
I slide my hands into my pants pockets and stew in silence. Nothing about this situation feels right.
My attraction to her, her reaction to me, her drinking and using drugs, me trying to save her from herself, it’s all wrong and there’s not a thing I can do to change it.
We get back to the table just in time for Gia to dismiss herself. When she does, she offers her leftover glass of champagne to Livianna. She happily accepts as she gives me fuck off vibes while finishing it off.
I keep a close eye on her, knowing she must be well over her limit. She’s now slurring her words and not finishing her sentences. If I had to guess, she’s on the verge of a meltdown, passing out, or falling on her face.
Sure enough, about ten minutes before the ball drops, signaling a new year, she stands to use the restroom and stumbles. Mateo reaches for her and stops her from toppling over.
Her eyelids tick down and she forces her unfocused gaze on him. “Will you be my New Year’s kiss?”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Livianna.” He holds her steady while keeping her at arm’s length. He sends me a tense look. “You know her better than I do. Can you help me out?”
“Yes.” I switch places with him and grab her purse off the table. “Mateo, please let Gia know I’ve taken Livianna to my suite so she can get some rest.”
“Will do.” He noticeably relaxes once she’s in my grasp. “Are you sure you’ll be okay alone with her?”
“Yes. She’s not…” I want to say spiteful, but I don’t know if that’s an accurate statement. “Fuck if I know, but it’s better than the alternative.”
He nods. “At least she’s not sick.”
“Not yet, anyway.” I pull her close to my side. “How about I get you to a place where you can kick off your shoes and lie down?”
“But I wanna see the…” She glances at the TV screen and sadness washes through her bloodshot eyes. “My brother’s mean.”
“Tell me what happened.” I turn and lead us out of the ballroom. “Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t. He’s already done the damage.” She leans into me. “Why do people hate me?”
“They don’t.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Livianna, why would people hate you?”
“Because I kill things. No, I killed them. Be careful, Jax. I might do you in, too.”
Fantastic. I see we’re at the rambling nonsense stage. I get to the elevators and reach into my pocket for my key card that will allow us onto my floor. Then I press the call button and wait.
The doors slide open and I usher her in. “Well, I like you and don’t believe you’d hurt anyone.” Except yourself.
“I have a strange feeling I’m not done ending people yet. Do you know how awful that is? I’m scared to death about it.” She rests her shoulder against the wall, scratching at her wrists. “If I didn’t do that, he wouldn’t despise me.”
“Who?” I swipe my key card and hit the button to my floor. The doors close and we ascend.
“The guy who wants to burn me to the ground.” She rolls to her back and peeks up at the ceiling. “He said you’d watch over us, but you didn’t. I don’t blame you, though. You’re mad at me, too.”
I stand and analyze who she’s talking to because it isn’t me. She trips to the side and steadies herself by holding on to the safety bar.
“That little guy bled out of…” She keeps staring at the top of the elevator. “That’s when he started closing down on me. Did you guide him to do that? He said you saved my life. I didn’t thank you and that’s why you’ve been punishing me. I’m sorry.”
“Livianna, who and what are you talking about?”
“I don’t know his name.” She brings her sad, dazed expression to me. “Oh, yes, I do. It’s Pops.”
Maybe that’s her grandfather. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter.
“Okay, Pops just got done telling me he isn’t angry or upset with you.” I step closer to her, wanting to hold her and take this agony away from her. “He also told me you weren’t responsible for causing harm to anyone.”
“Really? He said that?”
“He did.” I grimace inside, knowing I’m somehow validating whatever disjointed belief she has going on in that beautiful head of hers.
Thankfully, she stops scratching her skin. “Then why did it happen?”
“Sometimes fate has other plans for us.” The elevator doors slide open and I lead her out.
She hangs her head and leans into me. “Tell me about this fate thing. Nobody has ever brought that up to me.”
“Well, it’s my belief that we all have a destiny.” I squeeze her tight and direct us in the direction of my room. “Whatever is meant to happen, will.”
“So I don’t have any say in the matter?”
“You do, but that’s more about the road you take to get there. There are more ways than one to get to the final destination. Some easier than others.”
“I don’t get it. How do I know what path to take?”
“You follow your intuition.” I stop when we get to my suite, open the door, and show her in.
I put her purse down, take off my jacket, and loosen my tie.
She staggers as she bends over and takes off her strappy heels. “What if I don’t know how to do that?”
“Most people don’t.”
“Then that means nobody gets to make their own decision about their life.”
“No. It means one has to learn to harness their internal guidance system. Everyone can do it. They just need to believe in themselves more and listen to those little nudges inside themselves.”
She studies me for a moment as I organize our belongings on a table near the entryway of the room. I take her by the elbow and into the living room.
“I like the way you think, Jax.” She sits on the sofa and tucks her legs underneath her.
“There’s a first.”
“What?”
“You liking something I’ve said.” I take out two bottles of water and hand her one. “Here, drink this. Otherwise, you’re going to have a massive headache in the morning.”
She takes it from me, twists off the lid, and gulps most of it down.
I find a seat in the corner of the couch she’s on. “If you need more, just let me know.”
Through the window of my room, fireworks boom and pop. People yell and holler in the areas around us.
She turns toward the night sky. “I guess that means it’s New Year’s.”
“Happy New Year, Livianna.”
“Happy New Year, Jax.” She faces me with a gleam in her eyes. “We’re supposed to kiss now.”
After nearly falling into Livianna’s seductive invitation to make out with her at midnight, she promptly got sick from guzzling so much water.
I’m sure it has more to do with the alcohol and drugs she’s put into her tiny body, but either way, I’ve spent the last hour holding her hair as she empties the contents of her stomach into the toilet.
I can add this to the reasons why I should stay away from her. “Livianna, I’m going to try to carry you off the floor and into bed. Do you think you can make it?”
“Um-hmm, but I’ve got to brush my teeth.”
“You can do that in the morning.”
“No, now.” She lifts her head off the rim of the bowl. “Pretty please.”
“Can you stand?”
“I think so.” She tries to push up but slips.
I pull her up by wrapping my arms under her armpits. “I’ll help you to the counter. There’s an extra toothbrush in a plastic wrapper by the sink.”
We wobble through the en suite. I determine she’s not going to be able to do this on her own, so I sit her on a vanity chair and help her get ready for bed. If I felt too old for her before, this is the nail in the coffin.