38. Chapter 33
New Year's Delight
Evin
N ew Year’s Eve had been more intense than Evin ever could have imagined.
The euphoria still lingered in her chest, that electric buzz of excitement, the tingling sensation that Bas had left in her veins. It was a feeling she hadn’t just enjoyed—it was one she had craved, far more than she was willing to admit. Far more than she ever should have.
It had been a long time since she had felt this alive.
After spending a few days without seeing her friends, the silence around her had started to feel suffocating.
She grabbed her phone and texted Milka:
We need to get out.
Shopping?
I need new stuff, and I’m sure you do too.
Evin grinned.
Clothes, her better half, and maybe a little snack.
That sounded like a solid plan to get back into the mode she had loved so much on New Year's Eve.
Her phone lit up with a reply:
Milka
I’m in! When and where?
She still felt high on the past few days, and she wanted to hold onto that feeling—to share it with Milka.
Milka and Evin stood in the cramped fitting room.
The air buzzed with excitement, a soft crackle beneath the rustling of fabric and the quiet clicking of hangers.
Milka glanced at Evin, who stood in front of the mirror, pulling the tight leopard-print dress over her slim frame.
"Damn, you look good!" Milka grinned, twisting in front of the mirror, adjusting her sparkly top.
Evin studied her reflection, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face.
She felt it.
That small, sharp rush of triumph. The past few months had taken their toll—emotionally and physically.
But in a twisted way, the nights with Sergej had given her something unexpected.
Before, she had struggled to finally drop below 130 pounds.
Now, she was down to 119.
The thought brought a small, bitter smile to her lips.
Milka shot her a sideways glance.
"What are you thinking?" she asked, throwing on a black leather jacket and shaking out her hair.
Evi n smirked.
"I lost more weight in the shortest time than I ever thought I could. Guess it all paid off in the end. Now the clothes actually fit perfectly."
Milka burst into laughter, as if she only half understood the weight of what had just been said.
"Oh, come on, you’re a fucking supermodel!"
She turned toward Evin, giving her a playful tap on the shoulder.
"Sergej might’ve been the biggest idiot ever, but if you came out of it looking even hotter… Well, cheers to that!"
Evin let the dress fall carelessly to the floor and stepped in front of the fitting room mirror.
Her gaze met Milka’s in the reflection—
and the uncomfortable silence settled between them like a heavy cloud.
Would telling Milka even change anything—or would it just make everything painfully real?
She opened her mouth, then hesitated, the words stuck in her throat.
Deep down, she already knew the answer.
"I have to tell you something…"
Evin’s voice faltered.
__________
Finally, she had told everything.
Every horrifying detail.
Milka sat in silence, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, but her eyes betrayed everything she was feeling—disbelief, anger, and above all, pain. Pain that she hadn’t seen it, pain that she hadn’t been there for Evin when it had happened, pain that she had never even suspected a thing.
“And you… you just kept all of this to yourself?”
Milka’s voice was quiet, careful, as if she was still trying to process the weight of what she had just heard. Evin simply shrugged, as if her words had carried no real significance, as if the past had already lost its power over her.
"Wh at was I supposed to say? That my first time was shitty? Everybody knows that already."
She forced a smirk, trying to push the topic aside with a light remark, but Milka wasn’t having it.
“That wasn’t just shitty, Evin. He—”
She cut herself off, shaking her head as if she was still searching for the right words, her frustration evident.
"That should have never happened."
Evin exhaled slowly, tying her hair back, her fingers moving with the kind of mechanical precision that came with avoiding a truth too painful to fully acknowledge.
“Maybe.” Her voice was barely more than a murmur.
“But it did. And talking about it won’t change anything.”
Milka watched her for a long moment, something raw flickering in her eyes, as if she was trying to hold herself together, trying to keep her emotions from spilling over.
“I should’ve noticed. I should’ve realized something was wrong.”
Evin turned to her then, meeting her gaze with an unwavering stare, her expression unreadable.
“No, you shouldn’t have. And it wouldn’t have made a difference.”
Her voice was calm, almost too calm, a carefully placed mask over something much darker, much more fragile.
“I let it happen. I let him do it.”
She let out a small, hollow laugh, one that didn’t reach her eyes.
"So what’s the point? The first time is never perfect anyway."
Milka narrowed her eyes, inhaling sharply, looking like she was about to argue, but instead, she sighed, pressing her lips into a thin line before standing up.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll respect that. But please—don’t act like what he did was normal. Or okay.”
Evin didn’t answer.
She simply reached for the next outfit, pulling it over her head without hesitation, keeping her eyes locked on the mirror, as if by changing clothes, she co uld somehow strip away the past, as if she could slip into a version of herself that hadn’t been touched by any of it.
Milka’s gaze was still on her, the weight of it pressing against her back like a silent plea.
“Are you really not going to tell him?” she asked, her voice quieter now.
Evin exhaled, shaking her head slightly as she adjusted the hem of her top.
"I don’t want him to see me differently. I can’t handle that. He’ll pity me, and that’s the last thing I need."
Milka scoffed softly, stepping closer, her hand resting lightly on Evin’s arm.
“Evin, this is Bas we’re talking about. You know I’m not exactly his biggest fan, but he’s been through so much shit with you already. And with the way he’s been lately—do you really think he’d start treating you differently now?”
Evin swallowed, her eyes darting away, her voice quieter when she spoke again.
“I don’t know… What if he doesn’t want me anymore once he knows? What if it ruins everything?”
Her voice wavered slightly, and for a moment, she hated herself for letting Milka hear it.
“I don’t want him to see me as weak. I can’t stand the idea of him looking at me differently.”
Milka sighed, her expression softening as she squeezed Evin’s arm gently.
“I get it, babe. I do. But Bas isn’t the kind of guy who walks away when things get hard… Okay, actually, he totally is. But not with this. You know he wants you. And if he was the type to leave over something like this, then he wouldn’t be worth your time anyway.”
Evin shrugged slightly, her body stiff, her chest tightening as she tried to push back the lump forming in her throat.
"I just wish it were easier," she admitted.
"But… I’m scared everything will change."
Milka didn’t hesitate this time. She simply wrapped her arms around Evin, pulling her into a hug, holding on just long enough to let her know she wasn’t alone.
"You’ll never know if you don’t try. But no matter what happens—I’m here."
Evin exhaled slowly, nodding slightly before pulling away.
“So… who’s this mystery guy you texted me about?”
Milka arched an eyebrow, but Evin was already pulling on her shoes, clearly eager to shift the conversation away from herself.
The tension between them eased as they grabbed their things and made their way toward the checkout, Milka’s voice slipping into something lighter, something easier to hold.
“Oh, I spent the whole night with him. His name’s Bellamy. He was there with a couple of his friends.”
Evin glanced at her, her brows knitting together slightly.
“Chris and Dominic showed up later too,” Milka added casually.
At Dominic’s name, Evin rolled her eyes.
“Oh, the whole night, huh?” she teased, nudging Milka’s shoulder with her own.
“You mean Bas’s friend Bellamy?”
Milka’s expression shifted, her brows raising in surprise.
“Wait, really? I had no idea.”
She rolled her eyes, but the small smile tugging at her lips gave her away.
“It wasn’t a big deal, though. We just talked… and maybe a little more.”
She shrugged, feigning indifference.
Evin smirked.
"Oh, sure. Just talked. Of course. You were probably way too busy to notice the rest of the party… So? Was it good?"
She shot Milka a knowing grin, tilting her head.
Milka held her gaze for a second before grinning back.
"Yeah… kinda."
And just like that, the weight of the conversation before faded into laughter.