Chapter 21
“Charity, do you have a moment?”
Duncan approached Charity the next day, startling her. She looked at him, flushed.
“At this moment?” she said. She had been thinking about him all morning, but now that he was here in the flesh, she felt her nerves return.
“Yes,” Duncan nodded. “If you can spare a moment, I know you’ve been busy with your guests.”
“No, it’s fine,” Charity nodded and followed him outside the estate. Duncan had done a wonderful job of accommodating all of her friends, giving them all a place to stay and the highest level of hospitality.
Neither of them spoke until they had reached the garden. Charity could sense a nervous energy emanating from, which was rare. In turn, it made her nervous as well.
What does he want to say?
“I hope that you have been well,” Duncan began, not meeting her gaze. It felt impersonal, as though he was meeting her for the first time.
“Why are you being so formal?” Charity asked, confused. “Has something happened, Your Grace? Have you heard any word from my uncle?”
“You do not need to worry about him,” Duncan assured. “I have spoken to the constable since, and he has told me that he will be locked for the foreseeable future. There will be a trial in the next month, but he does not have any legal recourse that will work in his favor.”
Charity nodded, and then knotted her hands in front of her.
“Then why is it that you look so concerned?”
“You don’t have to marry me,” Duncan blurted out, taking Charity entirely off guard.
“What?” Charity did not know what else could be said to such a statement; it had taken her entirely off guard.
“You’re free now,” Duncan said, carefully. “Your uncle Edward has been removed now, and there is no way that he will return. The law will work on your behalf, as we have witnesses and letters.”
“Yes.. but…” Charity forced herself to look at him directly, even though there was a tremble in her chest now. “I do not understand what that has to do with… our marriage?”
She had the word with almost a dull shame. Had he decided that he did not wish to marry her anymore? It activated her worst insecurities, and he had seen something in her that made him change his mind.
“You’re no longer trapped as you had been before,” he replied without a trace of emotion in his voice.
“But what gave you the impression that I felt trapped?” she said, her voice shaking now. If he noticed, then he did not let it show.
“Yes, it was not explicitly uttered by you, but perhaps a few years down the line it will be something that you think about,” he went on in the same emotionless manner as before. “I don’t want you to wake up later and realize you made a choice out of fear and duty and then resent me for it.”
“You think I will resent you?” Charity swallowed hard.
“I think you might,” Duncan said plainly. “And it is not meant to be personal, but in your condition, you had very little room to decide or choose for yourself. I wonder how differently things would have looked had you the choice to decide beforehand.”
He was talking, but to Charity, his voice was droning out and being replaced by something awful.
It was the sound of her own heart breaking into a million pieces, and she mustered all of her strength not to completely fall apart in front of him.
She curled her fists to the side, and then forced them open.
All the while, she could feel that Duncan was watching her.
Once again, if he noticed her state of despair, he made no comment on it.
“So what are you saying?” Charity asked, though she already knew. She needed him to say it properly if he was going to say it at all.
He is trying to rid himself of me, she thought to herself but would not dare to say it out loud.
Duncan did not respond immediately, and Charity hated how the small silence was enough to fill her with hope that something else was possible for the two of them.
“I’m saying you can go,” Duncan said, finally. “You can take your sisters and build a life somewhere else. You can choose a house you like, choose a town you like and marry someone you actually want, if you want to marry at all. You don’t have to stay here.”
Charity felt her throat tighten. She had imagined this conversation differently, and never had she thought that he would call off the wedding.
I want to stay, she wanted to tell him. Because I have fallen in love with you, and I do not want to marry anyone else. Can’t you see this?
But she stopped herself.
"Is this really what you want?" she managed to ask finally.
"I think that this is the most practical course of action," he replied. "As ours was a marriage of convenience and strictly speaking, a match with me is no longer the most convenient thing for you."
Ah. He said it so simply and without emotion that it made her start to question everything. How was it that she had felt all of these things for him when they were not returned, in the least?
She had never considered herself to be a delusional person, but now she was even left questioning her own being.
"And what about..." her voice cracked again and she composed herself quickly, "what about what you said about wanting an heir, and a wife? Surely, those are things that you still want to do."
He was silent for a moment, as though he was contemplating.
"You need not worry yourself regarding that. If it is an heir that I want, I suppose..." he paused and then moved his gaze towards the ground, "that it can be with anyone."
It felt like someone had pierced her in the chest with an arrow. Nothing that even Uncle Edward had said to her had caused so much hurt as this simple statement did.
Is there someone else already? The question had formed on the tip of her tongue and filled her with a burning sense of jealousy.
If there was already a woman in Duncan’s mind to replace Charity, then she demanded to know who it was.
She wanted to know if this hypothetical woman was somehow better than Charity.
More understanding, more beautiful. It could be any number of things, and not knowing would drive Charity to the brink of insanity.
But she could not embarrass herself further by asking him such a thing. For his part, he had made his position clear that he did not wish to marry her.
“So we do not marry then,” she said, composing herself with great difficulty, “because it is no longer the most convenient option?”
“Yes,” Duncan replied, sighing. He seemed relieved that she had finally gotten his point, and it only bothered her even more so.
“Right then,” she said, suddenly cold. “I suppose then I have to thank you for setting me free of this marriage of convenience.”
There was a flicker of expression on the Duke’s face as she said the words, but she was not sure if it was surprise or hurt. Neither was she sure which one would be worse.
“I suppose that we have discussed enough then,” she announced, gathering her skirt and not meeting his gaze. “I shall go now, and within a few days, my sisters and I will be out of your hair.”
Duncan opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Instead, he just nodded.
Charity walked away from him then, feeling as though her heart now weighed a ton. She did not dare look back.