Chapter 11
How could chili burn in a slow cooker? Sarah was a hot mess.
Ryan would be here any minute and the smell of burnt food filled the house.
Opening a can of diced tomatoes and more tomato paste, she dumped them into the pot and ran upstairs to get ready.
When the front door bell rang, she had just finished a shower and was pulling on a pair of jeans that were way too tight and her red V-neck sweater.
“Nathan, would you please get the door!” she called downstairs.
“No problem, Mom.” She heard the door open. “Come on in, Uncle Ryan.”
Was that her oldest son speaking, so polite and welcoming? A dash of red lipstick and she was ready.
As she came downstairs, Ryan looked up. Their eyes locked and she smiled. “Hey, how were the roads?”
“Not bad.” He stripped off his gloves and the big sheepskin coat. Instead of toeing off his snowy boots, Ryan rubbed them carefully on the throw rug near the door. This was all about the boot and his leg. She got that now.
Rubbing his hands together, Ryan sniffed the air. “Something sure smells...” His nose wrinkled.
“Burned?” She draped his jacket over the rocking chair and dropped his gloves near the air vent to dry. “Hope you enjoy burned chili.”
“As long as I don’t have to make it, fine with me.” He grinned. “I’ve always liked your chili, Sarah. Some things never change.”
By that time Justin had traded the TV for a hug from Uncle Ryan.
“Come and see the tree,” Nathan said, tugging on his uncle’s hand.
“I helped you get it. We put it in the stand together, remember?” Still, he let himself be pulled into the living room.
“Some of the crooked branches won’t come down.” Justin said, very matter-of-fact.
“Down?” Ryan looked alarmed. Then he saw the tree. The poor little thing. Its bare branches reached out, as if it needed help. “Bigger trees might have kept this poor little guy in the shade. See where the branches are all crooked. Have you got your decorations ready?”
“The boxes are right here,” Sarah said coming up behind them. “They’re a little dusty.”
“So I see.” Turning, he smiled at her. Then his fingers brushed her curly hair.
“What? Do I look terrible?” Her hands went to her hair.
“No, you look cute. Thanks for inviting me today.” Ryan caught her hand and gave it a squeeze that went straight to her heart. As they stood there talking, Nathan exchanged a look with Justin. Those boys. Always up to something.
Ryan carried the green tubs from the hallway and stacked them in front of the tree. She had the strings of lights set out on the coffee table. “I told you I’d do that, Sarah.”
“I know you did. But you weren’t around. Besides, I'm used to…”
“Doing things yourself?” He looked miffed.
“Don’t take it the wrong way, Ryan.” She touched the elbow of his navy sweater. “My mother always tells me I have to let other people do things for me.”
“Your mother’s a wise woman.” His eyes swept her face, stopping at her lips and mercy, she felt them plump.
“I'm used to doing everything myself.” She could hardly squeeze the words through her swollen lips. The lips that so badly wanted to kiss him.
“I know. But people will help you.”
“People like you?” she said.
“Exactly. Just tell me what you need.”
I need you.
What were they doing? Nathan and Justin stood close by, watching them the way they’d watched that toy train circle the track in the toy shop. She clapped her hands. “Boys, let’s get going. Lights first?” She turned to Ryan.
“Sure.” But when Ryan lifted them from the coffee table, the boys didn’t look thrilled. “I thought we were using the big lights this time, “ Nathan said, eyeing the miniature lights with disgust.
“You mean the big, colored lights?” Sarah had decided they were too old-fashioned. She was surprised that he remembered. Both boys nodded. “Okay, I’ll go get them.”
“Let me help.” Ryan looked to the boys for help. “Guys, can you hold down the fort?”
“Sure. Of course.” They exchanged another look.
“Maybe pick out smaller ornaments so the branches don’t sag from the weight,” Sarah told them from the stairway.
The boys got to work and Ryan followed her upstairs. In the narrow hallway she pulled at the chain that lowered a staircase and flicked on the light.
Upstairs, they both ducked under the rafters. The attic was freezing and she shivered. “Just point,” Ryan said.
She motioned to the three green tubs stacked in a corner. “They’re marked.”
“Got it.” But when he went to move around her, Sarah lost her balance. The space was so cramped.
“You okay?” Grabbing her arms, Ryan steadied her.
“No.” She could only shake her head. “No, I’m not. And I don’t know what’s wrong.”
One arm came around her waist and he cradled her head in his other hand. “Don’t let things get you down this Christmas.”
“I’m trying.” His words soothed her. Still, they had a job to do. “I’m glad you came today.”
The attic was freezing but his kiss warmed her. Her eyes fluttered shut. Just one kiss and then he pulled back.
“Don’t stop. Not yet.” Sarah didn’t open her eyes. His kiss was comfort and she needed more.
“Oh, Sarah.”
Ryan’s second kiss touched her heart, his lips sweet and gentle. Sarah tightened her arms around his neck. “I’ve been thinking about this since the other night,” she murmured, rubbing her nose on his.
He pulled back and grinned. “Good. So have I.”
“But is this right, Ryan?” Uncertainty prickled in the back of her mind.
“It’s right in every way. But you have to feel that way too, Sarah.”
She laid a finger on his lips. Felt the bristle of his stubble on her skin. “I think I’m worrying about nothing,”
His low laugh awakened every nerve in her body. “And I think you’re right.”
“Mom?” Nathan’s voice rose from the bottom of the ladder.
“Coming,” she called down.
“Where are those lights?” Ryan peered at the tubs.
“Lights.” She pointed to the one with a label she recognized. He dragged it to the top of the stairs and together they carefully negotiated the ladder.
Downstairs, the boys had hung a couple of smaller ornaments on the tree.
But it would take a lot to make these sparse boughs look festive.
At least the needles were still on the tree.
She’d checked that morning and they were soft and pliant in her fingers.
Could have been her imagination but the branches seemed a deeper green than before.
Ryan opened the box and took out the old-fashioned lights.
The boys’ eyes widened. Big and multi-colored, they’d dwarf the tiny tree. Ryan began stringing the lights.
“Should we eat first and then decorate?” she asked.
“I want to decorate now.” It was unusual for Justin to speak up first. “Our tree looks lonely.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” But what could Sarah say? The tree was puny––a real rescue tree. No matter how they turned the poor thing, it had no good side.
Ryan shrugged. “It's up to your mom.”
Nathan and Justin were so eager to start.
She remembered that feeling. “When we feel hungry, we’ll eat.
How's that?” Everyone nodded and Ryan continued working on the lights.
But her mind and heart were still back in the attic, and her body was definitely still in his arms, where she’d felt safe and warm.
After dropping one ornament, that promptly shattered on the floor, she let the boys do the decorating.
Her hands were shaking. And it was more than a kiss that made her lightheaded.
Being here with Ryan and the boys felt so right.
Sarah felt as if she’d walked into a room she’d never been in before but it felt familiar.
“I thought your mother might be here.” Ryan looked around.
Laughing, Sarah scooped a cranberry garland from one of the tubs. “She had other plans.”
“Grandma has a boyfriend,” Nathan said solemnly.
Picking up a box of ornaments, Ryan smiled. “Do you like Stuart?”
“He’s nice,” Justin said.
“For an old person,” Nathan added. Ryan and Sarah both laughed.
Ignoring their advice about size, Nathan hooked one of the largest green ornaments on a bottom limb. The poor branch quivered and sagged to the floor.
“Oh, no!” Nathan looked horrified. “I broke the tree.”
“I think we have to be careful with this little guy,” Ryan said, handing Nathan one of the angels made from colored yarn and glitter. As soon as Nathan made the switch, the lower branch sprang back to life. Decorating this tree was like giving someone artificial respiration.
“Will the tree grow?” Justin asked very seriously as they decorated.
Ryan stepped back. “We'll just wait and see.” When he clicked on the lights, the tree blazed to life. Sarah was amazed by all the color. The old bulbs brought back fond memories and hid the tree’s shortcomings.
“It’s beautiful.” Nathan stood back to admire it.
“Wow.” Justin’s eyes couldn’t get any bigger.
Ryan slipped an arm around Sarah’s waist and whispered words for her ears alone. The room grew very quiet. Looking up, Sarah saw both boys watching them intently. “Guess I’ll check the chili.” She leapt toward the kitchen.
Ornament by ornament, the little tree took shape. The boys kept the decorations smaller and lighter, which helped. Still, in spots Sarah feared the branch would break. Since their traditional Christmas angel was way too big for the top, they settled on a simple straw star.
“It’s perfect.” This tree sure wasn’t what Sarah had in mind. But if the boys thought it was beautiful, she was satisfied.
“It looks just like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree,” Justin said with satisfaction after they’d added some tinsel to fill in the bare spaces. Nathan nodded.
Sarah glanced over at Ryan, who seemed to agree. “Is that your stomach I hear growling?”
“Maybe.” He patted his flat stomach with one hand, a lazy gesture that rocketed her from the sofa.
“Just give me a minute.”
“Want me to start a fire?” Ryan gave her a look that warmed her clear to her toes.