41. Ruen
Chapter 41
Ruen
W hen I was young, there was a horrible epidemic that spanned across the eastern part of Anatol. The infected were locked away in their homes with large red Xs painted over their front doors to warn others away from the affliction. During that time, my mother and I traveled between smaller villages in the back of a wagon along with a poor merchant in exchange for errands and mending. We saw the devastation, witnessed the families of the infected sobbing over burning huts and left in the cold if they were well and their loved ones slowly died of the disease.
My mother had likely paid the merchant in more than simple errands and mending. She’d likely given him more than I’d ever have wanted her to. Despite that, I don’t begrudge her for doing what she did. I simply wish I’d been stronger so that she wouldn’t have been forced to make those choices. Perhaps that’s why I don’t judge Kiera for what she’s had to do for survival even if I can’t and won’t offer the same grace to myself.
Now, as I stare into the eyes of the man who came for me at age ten, I see the same horror as I did then. The only difference is that he is the disease, the devastation wrought upon the land and all of its people—all of the Gods are. They have no loved ones who will mourn them; I certainly won’t.
“Well?” Azai arches a brow, his upper lip curling back as he awaits a response to his demand.
“I can’t give you what I don’t know,” I say coolly.
The snarl he unleashes is a sound that belongs in the throat of an animal and not a man—Divine or not. My back slams against the stone wall in the next instant and his hot breath fans across my face as he holds me off the floor.
“ Then. You. Will. Find. Out. ” Each word is clipped and full of rage.
I tilt my head down, picking a spot on his forehead to stare at as I angle my chin in just the right way to crack my neck. Then I straighten back up and return his angry glare with a slow, apathetic blink.
“No.”
“No?” His hands slip and my feet touch the floor again.
“Correct.” I reach up and circle his wrists with my fingers, squeezing harder and harder until I feel the creaking of his bones under my grasp. Azai releases me. “I won’t be your spy, Father. ” I spit the last word at him.
“You think to deny me?” He gapes at me as if he truly cannot believe that anyone would do such a thing. I know that it’s likely the only reason I managed to get him to release me. I also know that it’s likely a poor idea to provoke him further.
Therefore, it’s to my own surprise as well as his that I do so. “What are you going to do?” I ask. “Punish me? Who are you going to kill? My mother? Wait, you already did that. Scar me? Oh, yes, you’ve done that too.” I bare my teeth at him in a feral smile and shove up the sleeve of my tunic, brandishing the scars there for him to see. “And I’ve got more where those came from so that won’t do you any good.”
Azai’s shoulders swell as he sucks in a breath. Never once does he look at the scars on my arm. I lower it again and let my sleeve fall back into place as I stare back at him.
“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with a girl who is no more than another bastard child of the Gods.” My words may sound casual, but my insides riot with nothing but fury.
“My reasons are not to be questioned by you,” Azai snaps.
“I’m not questioning them,” I reply. “But I can’t help you.” I won’t help him.
“You are making a mistake, boy.” Azai’s words are cold, despite his anger.
I straighten my tunic and brush off a piece of invisible lint just to feel as if I’m showing him I don’t care.
“Master Ru—” I don’t move at the sound of a familiar almost breathy male voice, not even when it, along with the footsteps I hadn’t heard approaching, cuts off abruptly. “I’m so sorry, my Lord.”
I know without looking that Niall is bowing to Azai, likely straining his back to get as low as he possibly can without falling to his knees. All it would take is one flick of Azai’s fingers, though, and that’s exactly what this boy, this human, would do. I refuse to look at him lest any interest in the Terra that Kiera considers her friend results in punishment from Azai.
Thankfully, Azai merely ignores Niall and steps closer to me. “There will come a time, Son, ” he emphasizes that hated word, “when you realize that the choices you make will define you. I hope that you will see that any power you think you wield is bestowed by me . You would not be without me and should you continue to defy and fight me, you will cease to be any further.”
He lifts a hand and when I would step back, I find that I can’t. His fingers grip the sides of my throat and I’m forced to look into eyes the color of beaten gold. “You breathe because I allow it,” Azai states. “Right now, you are drunk on the thought that you are protected. That is an illusion. If I wanted to, I could kill you right here and now.”
Breath ragged, I bare my teeth at him. “Then why don’t you?” I growl.
His lips curve into a bemused smile. Azai’s hand on my neck eases back before dropping away completely. It is not time. It takes a moment for me to realize that those words weren’t spoken aloud. I was staring at his mouth, but his lips never moved.
“Get me information about the girl by the end of the week, Ruen,” Azai says, taking a step back. “Or suffer the consequences.”
As the God of Strength prowls away, I distantly hear the sound of Niall’s panting breaths. I close my eyes. Suffer the consequences? Every step I’ve ever taken is a consequence made by his choices.
No matter what I do, there will be consequences. In my words and in my silence.
Reopening my eyes, I cast my attention back to Niall and frown at what I see. Dressed not in his usual Terra attire, Niall is covered in a thin layer of dust over what looks to be a robe similar to those of the librarians.
“What—”
Niall jerks his head up as if realizing we’re finally alone. He looks one way and then another before he leaps forward and latches on to my arms. Never before has this human acted with such impudence that I’m stunned silent as he drags me down the hall and into a quieter alcove just out of the way of anyone who might pass through the corridor.
“Master Ruen,” he says, eyes searching around the corner, “I’ve found something.”
He turns to me and then from his robes, he produces a small leather-bound book. “I know you ordered me to stop searching—please don’t punish me—but I?—”
I hold my hand up, cutting him off. “I won’t punish you,” I promise him. “What did you find?”
Eyes similar to that of a pup, wide, brown, and trusting gaze up at me. “The records of Mortal Gods’ deaths over the last thirty years.”