1. Sutton #2
I put the papers down and let out a breath. I had to tell her before I accepted the job.
“I have a nine-month-old daughter at home. She’s a healthy and happy baby.
My neighbor watches her for me when I have to work.
She’s older and retired so it works out.
But some days she can’t be at home. I want you to know I’m committed, but sometimes I might have to change plans or take a day off.
I feel like we have a stable routine but things could change if she got sick or something. ”
Quinn’s face didn’t change like I’d expected. She didn’t look like she was about to tell me to leave.
“You started working at the restaurant three months after having her?” She’d done the math quickly. I could have stayed on employment insurance for up to a year but that unfortunately wasn’t an option when I needed to move us to a new city and not be so behind.
“I did. I don’t have much in the way of family; it’s just me and her. I did what I had to do.”
Quinn nodded, a look of compassion on her face. “What’s her name?”
I frowned a little. I wasn’t expecting that to be her next question. “Sophie.”
“I like that you both have S names.”
I’d done that because my last name had been given to me in foster care, and I wanted Sophie and me to share something unique to us. My pain-addled brain at birth decided that was a name starting with S.
“I look forward to meeting her. If you ever have an issue with childcare, you can bring her here with you. Oh!” Her eyes brightened. “We can get something set up near your desk just in case. It won’t be a problem.”
I blinked a few times, trying not to cry. “Really?”
“Of course.” She pushed the paperwork further toward me. “I think you’re perfect for what I need. So, what do you say? Can you start Monday or do you need time to think it over?”
I left Quinn’s office buzzing. I hadn’t needed any more time to think about it because this opportunity was going to lead to a better life for Sophie and me. After I signed, Quinn asked me more questions about Sophie and it was so foreign to me to have someone taking an interest in me. Or her.
Quinn had asked if I needed two weeks but I assured her I had no problem leaving without notice. I had no intention of ever going back to either restaurant so there was no need to keep the door open.
I felt lighter than I had in weeks. I wasn’t even bothered that I had to take the stairs because the elevator in our building made creepy creaking noises and was always on the verge of breaking. It was a run-down building in a not terrific area but it was what I could afford when I moved here.
I made my way to my apartment with a smile on my face that didn’t feel strained or fake like the one I normally put on before getting home.
Our apartment was small and shabby but I had worked to make it livable.
The tiny kitchen with an island just big enough for two chairs was to the right when you walked in.
I’d managed to fit a circular table with three chairs into the dining area.
The living room was cramped with a couch and a coffee table, but with the rug that I had found on Marketplace, the cushion I’d gotten from Iris, and the curtains, it hid some of the worst parts.
Like the old water stains on the wall and the terrible brown-yellow paint color.
The space was filled with toys because any spare cent I had went to making sure Sophie wasn’t behind in her development. I’d gone a couple nights without dinner, but she always had the things she needed. The toys were secondhand, but they all worked.
Opening my door, I found my other savior sitting on the couch reading a book.
Iris had come over on my first day here when Sophie wouldn’t quit crying, probably because I was stressed and overwhelmed.
I thought she was here to yell at me since the walls were so thin, but instead she looked me up and down, pushed her way into my apartment, and said that Sophie was upset because I wasn’t taking care of myself.
She made me dinner, then grabbed Sophie from me and sat herself on the couch, telling me I needed to take a shower.
Since Sophie was asleep, I followed her instructions in a daze.
Then she had patted my hand while I sat next to her on the couch and cried as I told her why I was alone with a three-month-old baby.
She was a wise woman without any kids of her own and had basically adopted us both after that night.
She became my babysitter, my dinner companion, and the woman I turned to when I needed advice or just a hug.
In the six months since we’d been here, she’d become my family.
Which was good, as I was in serious need of some.
“How’d it go, dear?” Iris asked as she looked up from her book.
“I got the job!” I squealed, running over to her. She stood and wrapped me in a tight hug.
“Course you did, you smart cookie.” She pulled away and tapped my squinched-up nose.
Her tone had so much confidence that I felt pride in my chest. I followed her as she moved to my kitchen.
“Sit and tell me all about it. I’ve got to get the meat marinating.
” I did as instructed, knowing she would only get flustered if I helped.
I’d tried once, and she’d swatted me away with a wooden spoon.
I told her about the foundation, the office, my salary—which even she was impressed by—and about my new boss. I explained how good the benefits were and that Quinn had told me I would start right away without a probation period.
A cry came through the baby monitor before Iris could reply. I jumped up, eager to go see her.
“Hey, baby,” I cooed as I looked into the crib nestled in the corner of my room.
Sophie stopped crying as soon as she saw me.
Her porcelain skin was so soft, and her little cheeks were red.
Her short hair was spiked, its color looking like it would match mine, and her eyes had darkened to my hazel color. Iris said she was already a mini me.
She was the sweetest baby, although I might be a little biased and hadn’t exactly been around a lot of other babies her age, but still.
Sophie looked up and lifted her arms for me, which never failed to warm my heart. I picked her up and squashed kisses onto her head, inhaling her perfect baby scent as she started to babble happily.
I changed her diaper, telling her about my job, before we headed back into the kitchen where Iris was cutting up vegetables.
I settled back onto the stool with Sophie on my lap and she quickly started pulling on my shirt.
I wasn’t in my nursing bra since I hadn’t changed yet, but Iris had seen it all before so I maneuvered out of my shirt and Sophie gurgled until she latched.
I settled in and let out a sigh as I fed her.
“She had some solids earlier. She really loved the eggs I made,” Iris said as she got water boiling on the stove.
I had transitioned Sophie to solid food as soon as her doctor said it was okay at six months, but it didn’t replace milk.
I had cried when we’d started because it felt like I was giving something up.
But with my shifts, it was easier for everyone.
We had a freezer full of breastmilk that Iris used but I still worked to make sure my supply didn’t decrease before we were both ready.
Being a mom was fucking hard. And I never knew if I was doing it right.
We spent the rest of the early evening chatting and eating.
Then I was able to give Sophie a bath and read to her before I had to head out.
It was one of the worst things about working evenings.
I missed putting her to sleep every night, being there for her when she was fussy, or just rocking with her as she fell asleep on my chest because this stage would be over before I knew it.
I was exhausted all the time but I would do anything for my girl. And starting Monday, I was going to be home for dinner every night. Home for every bedtime. I still hadn’t quite wrapped my head around that yet.
Iris had assured me one hundred times that she had no problem with the change in schedule since she didn’t work and spent most of her days at home or running errands. Once Sophie got a little older, I would have money to put her in daycare, but I wasn’t there yet.
I kissed my sweet girl on the head one more time, told her I loved her, and passed her over to Iris, trying not to let her crying and reaching for me get under my skin.
Because tonight I was going to quit at the end of my shift. And for the first time in over a year and a half, I felt hope.