14. Sutton
Sutton
Ilaughed as Sophie pulled a piece of grass off the pile I had made in front of her and threw it at me, letting out a giggle because she thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
The sun was shining and spring had fully set in.
Iris and I had decided to get out and enjoy the beautiful day with Sophie at the park.
“You are just the craziest girl,” Iris cooed at my daughter from her spot at the table across from me. “How’s work going?” This time she looked up at me.
“It’s great. There was a lot to figure out, but my favorite part is actually getting to see the impact we’re making. How many people are getting access to the services and being a support through one of the worst times of their lives.”
“I’m so happy to see some light in you,” Iris said, leaning forward and patting my hand with a smile. I opened my mouth to respond as my phone buzzed. I glanced down at it, smiled, and then looked back up at Iris. “And who might that be?” she asked with a lifted eyebrow.
“Just Asher,” I replied sheepishly while she hummed and leaned back, watching me.
“Just Asher? That young man who took you and Sophie to the work event, and then to the zoo, and who seems to text you a lot?”
I didn’t bother adding the fact that he’d gotten mad when I hadn’t replied to one of his texts the other morning or the fact that he showed up at the office, gruff and short with me.
At first I’d gotten my back up, ready to push back at him.
But then I saw the tightness in his shoulders and jaw.
The way his eyes moved up and down my body, almost like he was checking me over to make sure nothing was wrong with me.
The only person over the last two years who ever needed to talk to me was Iris, and even that was new. Quinn texted me now and then but obviously not while we were at work. There was a spark of something, of excitement maybe, knowing he’d been worried about me.
“Well, he’s a friend.” I shrugged.
She shot me a look. “Do you really believe that?”
Sophie clapped her hands, pulling my attention to her. I looked at her with wide eyes. “Such a sweet girl, are you clapping?” I clapped back and she giggled then reached for my finger, grabbing it in her hand and shaking it.
“You aren’t getting out of this conversation, young lady,” Iris said sternly.
I let out a sigh, looking up at Iris. “Yes, I believe we’re friends. I can’t really do much other than that, plus Ash didn’t seem to have a problem with it.”
“It’s been a while since your stupid, useless ex showed you how much of a garbage human he was. You’re not going to be alone forever. Life is too precious not to share.”
“I’ve got Sophie, and I’ve just got my feet under me—I have absolutely no interest in putting any of that at risk. And again,” I looked up at her, raising an eyebrow, “Asher is just a friend. And I really like having him as a friend.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I should meet this man. He sounds like he might be an idiot.”
I huffed out a surprised laugh at her comment. “Why would you say that?”
“He’s an idiot for only wanting to be your friend.”
I rolled my eyes. “Please, he seems just fine with the title. He didn’t even blink when I said it.”
I caught Sophie’s eye and managed to get my finger free just as she threw her upper body at me, clearly done with sitting on her own. When I tucked her into my side, she rested her head on my shoulder.
“You aren’t a good liar.” Iris pointed at me before smiling. “But I’ll drop it.” I was about to say thank you when she kept going. “For now.”
Shooting her a look, I tapped Sophie’s back. “Alright, your turn in the hot seat.”
She sat up straighter, tossing some of her silver-gray hair back over her shoulder. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me questions.”
“You had plans last night,” I probed. I’d tried to have her over for dinner but she told me she had other plans. Which wasn’t overly surprising because she had a more active social life than I did, but she’d mentioned a man in her response.
“I did. I didn’t even sleep at home last night. His name’s Clint, he’s sixty-two years old and a spirited lover in bed. The man even gave me an orgasm.”
My jaw dropped as I looked around the park, making sure no one was listening to us. “Iris!”
“What? Once he got hard, he had a good dick. He told me he didn’t take anything. Not sure I believe him but he lubed up and got me off so I don’t care how he did it.” She winked.
“Iris.” I put a hand over Sophie’s ear, looking at the woman in shock as she laughed. “I need more hands to cover my own ears. I don’t need to hear about this.”
“You have a child; you know what sex is.”
“We are at a park,” I hissed. “You can’t be throwing these words around.”
“If people aren’t okay hearing about an old lady having a good night, then they shouldn’t listen to us. Plus, you’re my friend, and this is what friends talk about. Do you talk to your friend Asher about this?”
I rubbed my hand over my forehead, shaking my head and completely ignoring her comment. “Well, I guess I’m happy for you.”
“I’m happy for me too. You should try it, Sutton. I bet your ex wasn’t great at giving orgasms but it does wonders for the mood.”
A day later I closed the door in the bathroom, slid down the wall and sat on the ground. Placing the baby monitor beside me, I rested my head on my knees. And as soon as I tried to take a full breath, the tears started.
Most days, Sophie was an angel. I was very lucky. She slept most of the time, went with the flow, didn’t seem to mind spending her days at Iris’s, and followed my lead.
But days like today still happened. Because although motherhood was amazing, it was also really fucking hard.
Sophie woke up grumpy and despite it being the weekend and us having time together, nothing I did would get her to settle. She cried at everything, nothing was making her calm down, she didn’t sleep, didn’t want to sit still, and didn’t want to eat.
I’d finally gotten her down for bed after rocking with her for over an hour. My body was aching from moving around all day. I hadn’t eaten or had much more than a few sips of water.
Crying wasn’t going to help. But here we were. Because I just needed a minute and Sophie had cried all day, so this was only fair.
My phone pinged as my tears slowed. I pulled it out of my hoodie pocket and wiped my eyes so I could see the screen.
Asher
Hope you had a good day.
That was it. A simple message. He did that often, just checking in. Usually I got a few throughout the day but today I’d only managed to reply to him once, just to avoid him thinking something was wrong. More tears streamed down my face as I clicked on his contact before I could overthink it.
“Sweetheart.” The low tenor of his voice was an instant balm to the anxiety that had been attacking me all day. Sophie’s crying had made me question my sanity.
“Hi,” I said. My voice sounded strained and I sniffled, which did nothing to help my tears.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, instantly on alert.
“How could you tell? I said one word.” I sniffled again.
“Your voice is very telling. What happened?”
“Nothing really.” I let out a sigh and rested my head against the back of the door. “Sophie just had a rough day and I haven’t eaten and I just…needed to hear your voice.”
I wasn’t even sure why, but there was something about his quiet presence that grounded me, and I felt closer to him after our conversation at the zoo, and all the texts. He was slowly becoming a really good friend.
I heard his sharp intake of breath as I braced for his reply. But almost like he knew I hadn’t meant to admit that to him, he moved on. “What can I do?” His voice was tense.
“Nothing. I probably just need to eat something. Although all I want is ice cream and wine, which isn’t very adult of me. And it doesn't matter because I don’t have either of those things.” I let out another sigh.
“Sutton—”
“Never mind. I’m sorry I called. I’m sure you’re busy and I need to go eat.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Ash.”
I didn’t bother waiting to hear if he would say anything else. Asher didn’t say goodbye.
Sitting there for another moment, I took a few deep breaths. Although the tears were still in my eyes, I wasn’t actively crying. I pulled myself off the ground, tiptoed out of the bathroom, and headed into the kitchen, ignoring the sink tap that had fallen off earlier today.
That definitely hadn’t helped my mood.
Instead of making myself food, I tidied up after myself and Sophie since I wasn’t able to do anything else today. After picking up the clutter, I loaded the dishwasher and then stood in the kitchen staring at the fridge. There was food, but nothing I wanted to eat.
Closing the fridge with a sigh, I was just about to head to my couch when there was a soft knock on my door. At first the knock threw me off. Iris was with Clint tonight. But then there was a fluttering of excitement.
I pulled the door open, but the man standing there with a bag in his hand was not who I’d hoped to see.
“Ms. Bennett?”
“Yes?” I replied hesitantly.
“This is for you.” He held the bag toward me.
“I didn’t order anything.”
“This is your name, and your receipt. I’ve got other deliveries so…” He wagged the bag a little. I didn’t want to hold the guy up so I took it from him.
“Thanks,” I muttered but the man was already down the hall.
I let out a sigh, relocking the door before I went into the kitchen to open the bag. Inside there were three different kinds of ice cream—strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate—as well as both red and white wine.
A small smile broke out on my face because though Asher might not be here, and that was a little sad because I could have used a hug, he’d still managed to get me what I wanted.
Grabbing my phone off the counter, I tapped his contact. The phone only rang once before he picked up.
“Asher.” Why the hell were there tears in my eyes?
“If I didn’t get the right kind of ice cream, I can get more.”
“You did not have to do this.” My voice cracked.