16. Sutton #3
“He calls me once a year, on the day he picked me up from the fire house.” I bit my lip, looking at Sophie and then back at Asher. “I never told him about Sophie.” My face flamed with embarrassment at my admission.
“Why not?”
“I’m not ashamed of her.”
This time he reached out with the hand that wasn’t cradling Sophie and grabbed my ankle, giving it a squeeze. “Never thought that, sweetheart.”
I nodded and gave him a small smile. I hadn’t told Iris this part of my story either.
“When he called last year, I had just found out my pregnancy was high risk, that I had to be more careful, and I’d been so sick.
My ex had kicked me out and I was on my own, and even though I was older, I felt like I was reliving my mother’s mistakes.
I didn’t want him to think I was just like her so I didn’t tell him. ”
“And this year when he called?”
I looked down at the couch. “I didn’t have my head above water.
I had just moved here and was working stupid hours at two diners.
I didn’t want him to think I needed him or that I couldn’t take care of myself.
I didn’t want him to offer me anything so I didn’t tell him anything other than that I’d moved and found a new job. ”
“I didn’t know much about families growing up, and it sounds like you didn’t either, but Sophie won’t grow up wondering.”
I met his eyes with a frown.
“She has me now, and Quinn, and since the other five idiots come along with us, she has an army behind her. And believe me, we look after our own. We will look after her, if you let us.”
“Ash… I—” I was blinking back tears.
The idea that he would be in my daughter’s corner, and not just now but as she grew up, meant everything to me. And I didn’t know what to say to that.
“I’m adding you to the group chat,” he said with finality as he pulled out his phone. I think he did it so I wouldn’t cry. It seemed to make him nervous.
“What group chat?”
“The one with the guys. Don’t worry, Quinn’s in there too.” My phone started beeping from somewhere on the coffee table. “We took a vote on letting you in, and it was unanimous.” He put his phone down as he shifted Sophie up on his chest, then leaned back on the couch and smiled at me.
We spent the next hour talking. He told me stories about the trouble he, Noah, and Knight had gotten into as kids.
He listened as I told him about adjusting to living with Sophie and being her mom.
He asked a lot of questions about her being sick when she was born, like he wanted to make sure she was alright now.
I definitely talked more than him but I knew that was the way he wanted it.
Sophie woke up after a while, her fever seemingly broken. She breastfed while Asher stared straight ahead and we kept talking. Afterward, he stood in the doorway as I changed her and put her back to bed, happier than she had been since yesterday, and then we moved back to the couch.
Before I knew it, it was somehow two in the morning, and I hid a yawn behind my hand. When we had sat down after putting Sophie to sleep, we’d ended up closer together. He reached out and brushed his thumb under my eye with a serious look on his face.
“I should go. You need to sleep.”
I liked that he said things as a command.
“Thank you for coming over tonight.”
I licked my lips under his intense gaze. He clocked the movement and his eyes dropped to my mouth. His hand moved from my face to my chin, and as he leaned in slowly, the movement seemed to send me back to my body.
“Asher, I can’t,” I whispered, feeling like I was in pain.
But I knew what I had to do, because I wasn’t ready for him.
Not by a long shot. I had a deep belief that anyone I grew close to would leave, so everything he’d said earlier had almost scared me, like he was dangling something in front of me that I’d always wanted and feared.
He opened his eyes but didn’t move back, gaze roaming over my face, trying to figure out what had changed.
“That’s okay.” He gave my chin a gentle squeeze and then stood up. I felt uncomfortable and ashamed that I had turned him away. He didn’t say anything as I followed him to the door.
“Grizzly?”
He had just grabbed the door handle but he turned at my voice, a small twitch of his lips at the nickname. “Yes, sweetheart?” As far as I could tell he wasn’t annoyed or angry with me.
“I need a friend right now. That’s all I can manage. I hope that’s enough for you. I just—”
His hand came under my chin again, lifting my gaze from his shoulder to his eyes.
“I can do that, Sutton. I’ll be here for whatever you need, in whatever way you can handle me.” He leaned in, pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and then let me go. I had to stop myself from leaning into him.
“Please keep showing up, okay? I don’t—”
He brushed his thumb across my cheek again and then smiled softly.
“You won’t get rid of me that easily, I promise. Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll call you later.”
I placed a hand on the kitchen counter and let out a sigh as he closed my door and left me standing there, feeling weak.