18. Sutton
Sutton
“Thanks again for inviting me,” I said as I set my coffee down on my desk. “I had a great time.”
“Of course!” Quinn stood beside me, having just come in with her own coffee.
It was Monday morning and after leaving her place after one a.m. on Sunday, I spent the day relaxing.
Even Sophie was tired from being passed around to everyone.
I knew she was cute, but I was biased. Yet every single person had demanded time with her, and I’d never seen her so relaxed.
“You’re officially invited every week, and Jane is demanding to see Sophie again before she leaves. ”
I smiled up at her, trying to figure out if she was joking or not. But as she stood there waiting, I realized she wasn’t and a warmth spread in my chest. “I’m sure I can arrange that.”
She let out a breath. “Thank God. She would never forgive me if I didn’t get you to agree.”
I smiled and shook my head at the influx of people in our lives who cared about us.
“Everyone was so great with Sophie,” I said, thinking back to each of the men taking a turn sitting on the floor, talking and playing with her.
None of them were upset if she was shy or nervous around them.
They were slow and steady, letting her warm up at her own speed.
She’d even reached for Noah and was happy to settle in his lap.
He’d shot his fist in the air as though he’d won the lottery, bragging that she liked him.
I was pretty sure it was Sophie and I that had won the lottery.
Jane had complimented me and Sophie when we went inside for popcorn, hugging me and telling me that I was doing a good job with her. That I should be proud of myself. I’d never had my own mother to talk to and Jane told me that I could call her if I ever needed. That had made me tear up.
“Yeah, because they’re a bunch of softies.
” She smiled as she took a sip of her drink and looked at me seriously.
“You really are invited. We normally start earlier but you and Sophie can get there whenever you can.” She must have known I didn’t know what to say because she just winked and went into her office.
After a minute, my phone started going off.
Quinn
Can someone please confirm for Sutton that I wasn’t making it up and she officially has an invite to Saturdays going forward?
“Quinn!” I groaned and heard her laugh a little manically from her office.
It was weird being a part of their group chat. They didn’t hold anything back. They seemed to have no issue with me being there. I had also confirmed with Quinn that the guys didn’t even have another one without us in it.
They talked business, travel plans, and were always asking everyone to weigh in on a number of things. The talk of sports games, Quinn and I stayed out of. But I heard from each of them throughout the day and if I didn’t contribute, I got called out.
Knight
And Sophie is expected to be there too.
Noah
Yeah, because she might be the best person in this group now.
I really thought my mum wasn’t going to let you leave with her. She even made a comment about visiting more often. She asked me if you would let her babysit.
She doesn’t even live here, Sutton.
She doesn’t come visit her own son but for Soph she would fly, even though she hates it. I bet you could convince her to come for one night if she could babysit. And she would demand the jet.
She never uses the jet.
Me
Sorry…?
Jaxson
I thought the invite was clear from her being there on Saturday…?
Oli
Should we send you an official notarized letter? I know a guy if that’s what you would prefer.
Noah
Did you also tell her she can come to Friday night too?
Oli
But we won’t be offended on that one since Sophie can’t join there.
Jaxson
I mean she could come but I doubt she would like a club.
Noah
Bar.
Quinn
Noah, I said it was a club
Oli
We could get her those little headphones so the music doesn’t hurt her ears and we could turn it down in VIP.
Jaxson
That would be fucking adorable.
Knight
But again, not mandatory.
Noah
But not being there on Saturdays would be offensive and my feelings would be hurt
Will
What type of crib does she need? I thought we could get her one for Knight and Quinn’s so you don’t have to cart shit around all the time.
Me
Please don’t do that Will, I don’t mind bringing her stuff!!!!
Quinn
I was thinking the same thing!
Noah
I didn’t know babies needed so much stuff.
Asher
I’ve got it covered Will.
Me
What do you mean you have it covered?
Quinn
What did you assume they needed Noah?
Me
Asher?
Noah
Aside from a boob…didn’t really think about it.
Oli
You’re ridiculous.
Noah
But I’m not wrong…
Jaxson
Yeah man, you kind of are.
Me
Asher Lawson, what did you mean you have it covered?!?
Jaxson
Oomph, got the full name
Noah
His middle name is Wyatt if you want to use it.
Me
Asher Wyatt Lawson!
Knight
Do I need to point out that Sutton hasn’t confirmed her attendance on Saturdays for the foreseeable future?
Me
I thought you didn’t like to text very much?
Noah
He does more than Ash.
Quinn
Good catch Theo.
Asher
She’ll be there.
Me
What do you guys do if someone has plans?
How can I promise the foreseeable future?
And Asher we are not done talking about this!
Noah
We don’t make other plans on Saturday Sutton…because we already have plans.
I rolled my eyes, even though I had a dumb smile on my face. I decided to put my phone down so I could focus on work. These guys could keep it going for a long time and I figured in a day or two they would forget about the invite. I didn’t want to get too attached, just in case.
The morning passed in a blur of answering phones and booking meetings in Quinn’s calendar. I ate a quick lunch at my desk as I filed emails and then got to work on a list of sponsors that Quinn needed to review. One thing I liked about the work here was that I was always busy. The days flew by.
The phone rang for what felt like the millionth time today.
“Maria Knight Memorial Fund, how can I help you?” This phone number wasn’t public and the calls were transferred by main reception, but I always answered the same way.
“Hey, Sutton.”
I sat up straighter, my ears ringing at the voice I recognized all too well. My hands started sweating and my mouth went dry.
“How did you get this number?”
He laughed on the other end of the line, like we were two old friends reconnecting.
“You’ve been hard to track down. How are you? How’s our kid?”
I tightened the grip on my phone. My heart was pounding in my ears and I wanted to snap at him. He was calling her kid because he probably couldn’t remember any details about her.
Like her fucking name.
“How did you get this number, Ben?”
My ex laughed again, the sound grating on every nerve I had.
“I’m glad we were able to connect. It’s been a while. I wanted to catch up.”
“My number hasn’t changed. You could have called my cell.”
“Yeah, well, I’m calling now. I just assumed you changed the number. I saw a picture of you at some charity event and your name was listed in the article as an assistant. Moved up in the world, hey, Sut?”
I hated that nickname.
At least Sophie had been with Asher when that picture was taken and wasn’t in it.
“What do you want?” My fingers were sore from how tightly I was gripping the phone, my stomach in knots.
I hadn’t heard from him since I was three months pregnant. He hadn’t responded to any of my calls or emails, and not once had he reached out since he’d kicked me out. I’d gotten comfortable in the feeling that he had no interest in me or my child.
“I want to meet my…daughter.”
The hesitation made me so angry. He couldn’t even remember what I’d had. So did the way he said it so casually, like it was no big deal.
“What?”
My stomach tightened and I felt nauseous. I always thought it might be a risk that he would want back in, but I had been thinking about him less and less as more time passed.
“Yeah, I want to meet her. I told my new girlfriend about her, and she thinks we need to split custody.”
That word was my worst nightmare. My hands and feet felt like they were going numb.
“I was thinking we could have her two weeks a month, you know, so we can bond, make up for lost time.”
I scraped a hand over my head. “Do you even know her name?” I was feeling a little dizzy, but I took a deep breath even though it felt like I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs.
I was seriously concerned about passing out.
“Don’t be like that, Sutton.”
“So that’s a no.”
“Doesn’t matter. I want to meet her. She’s my kid.”
“She isn’t your kid! You may have contributed to her creation but you are not her father.
You don’t even know her name, Ben! She’s not yours!
But you want to take her for two weeks at a time?
! You told me before that you don’t even like kids.
” I hated that my voice was rising but I couldn’t help it.
I knew I had been too loud when I noticed Quinn standing in her doorway but I was too focused on the man on the phone to worry about it.
“That’s bullshit, Sutton. You’ve been keeping her from me.”
“I’ve been keeping her from you? What are you talking about!
You didn’t even believe me when I told you she was yours.
You called me a whore and then walked out.
I got back home that night and you’d left all my stuff outside and changed the locks.
You didn’t answer my calls, you didn’t come meet her in the hospital or before we moved away.
I gave you every opportunity to be involved and I have emails to prove it all.
I haven’t been keeping shit from you.” I was panting a little, the anger at least replacing the fear.
“I was trying to be nice,” he said in a calm tone that I knew too well.
He used to speak to me that way to manipulate me.
To convince me that I was wrong. It used to work.
“But this is unacceptable. If we can’t be adults about this, then fine, I’ll petition for custody.
Who do you think the judge will want her with? I’m much more stable than you, Sutton.”
“You are delusional.”
“It was nice catching up. You’ll hear from my lawyer. Such a shame, we could have been so civil, which is what I wanted. I hope you’re prepared to lose her.” He hung up before I could say anything.
I sat there holding the phone to my ear. My mind started racing.
I knew rationally that the chances of a judge granting him sole custody were probably slim. He hadn’t been in her life. But what if they gave him shared custody—what would I do? Not only did I not want her to be around him but I also couldn’t bear being away from her.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I wasn’t prepared for this.
My breath started coming in fast and my ears were ringing.
I’d had a panic attack before, when I realized that I would be raising a child on my own.
This was how it started.
My hands were tingling and the world around me sounded like I was under water.
“Sutton?” I jumped when Quinn rested her hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my panic slightly. She was watching me closely, a deep frown on her face. “Are you okay?”
“I…” I put the phone down and ran my hand through my hair. “I can’t breathe…” I gasped. “…very well.”
“What happened?” Quinn asked with her hand still on my shoulder, her thumb rubbing a comforting circle.
It might have been the only thing grounding me at that moment, keeping me here and stopping me from giving in to the panic taking over my body.
“I think I need a lawyer,” I managed to push out.