22. Sutton
Sutton
“Quinn, I think this wass a baad idea.” I could hear the slight slur in my voice.
The main floor of Pulse was crowded tonight.
Bodies thrashed on the dance floor, and all the tables and booths were full with even more people packed around the bar.
The line had been long out front when we got here, circling around the side of the building, and I had heard someone say they were almost at capacity.
We thankfully didn’t have to worry about that because we walked straight up to the VIP door and were let in.
My head felt light and my limbs didn’t feel as coordinated as they should.
“Are you not having fun?” Quinn asked, leaning in as we made our way to an open section of the bar.
“I am. But Sophie—”
“Is fine with Iris who said she would call if something was wrong.” Quinn turned to look at me. “Come on, we’re having fun!” She grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
I couldn’t believe she convinced me to come out with her.
Knight was out tonight working on something with the private club so she’d come over to my place for a drink after work since she wanted to see Sophie.
That one drink turned into two while I shared all my custody worries with her and then it turned into us getting in a cab and coming here.
Iris was happy to push me out the door. When I’d hesitated, she reminded me that I used to be gone a lot more than one night.
I still felt guilty so then she grabbed my arms and sent me a stern look, telling me that I deserved to live a life.
That it was good for Sophie to see me happy, that it would make her happier.
With those words she patted my shoulder and shut the door in my face.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone out. It had been before Sophie was conceived. But Quinn was right—I was having fun, more than I’d ever had going out with the friends I had back in Vancouver.
“Hey, baby girl.”
I looked to my left to see a guy leaning against the bar beside me. His hair was slicked back like he was trying to hide a bald patch and he had a sheen of sweat on his forehead, his eyes glazed over. He’d clearly had a lot to drink. I instantly felt uncomfortable.
“Scram, douche, we don’t need you to buy us drinks.” Quinn came to my side and looped her arm through mine.
The man opened his mouth but stopped when the bouncer Quinn had introduced as Wade came to stand beside us.
Quinn had a run-in with a drunk ex here before and didn’t like being down here alone, but security had no problem accompanying her if one of the guys couldn’t.
I’d told her we could hang in the empty VIP area tonight, but she insisted we come down here.
It was fun being out without having to worry about unwanted attention.
The bouncers were always close and didn’t take their eyes off us.
She also hadn’t been lying about no one needing to buy us a drink. I’d found out on the way over here that I’d been granted “she drinks for free” status here, along with free entry whenever I wanted. It was the same thing Knight had done for Quinn.
Asher had arranged it a couple weeks ago, apparently, telling Quinn it was for when I was ready to come out, like he knew I would be eventually. When I asked what was involved she mumbled something about sending a photo to the staff and then quickly changed the topic.
“Shots, Jacob!” She smiled at the bartender. I shook my head, trying to relax, which was easy to do when I was talking to Quinn and Wade was skulking nearby making sure no one bothered us.
Thirty minutes later I was seriously drunk. I was going to have to dump anything I pumped for at least six hours, but it was fine given the stash I had in the freezer. Besides, it was worth it.
Because I was having a lot of fun.
We’d found a spot at the edge of the dance floor and with Wade watching over us, we were left alone.
It had been a long time since I let myself get drunk and have fun and not feel so serious.
It made some of the weight on my shoulders feel lighter, like I had some breathing room.
I snorted at a dance move Quinn threw out, my stomach sore from all the laughing I had done tonight.
“Okay, I need to pee!” Quinn declared after we composed ourselves.
She grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to the private bathrooms since there was no line and no one was up in VIP tonight. Rather than wait for her outside in the hall, I followed her into the bathroom.
I yawned as I sank down to the floor while she went into a stall. It was super clean in here so I wasn’t grossed out. Plus my feet were sore. And I was a little dizzy so sitting was critical.
“Thanks for tonight, Quinn.” I reached around to my back pocket for my phone.
“Of course! We both needed a night out,” she said as she flushed.
“Uh-oh,” I muttered as I unlocked my phone.
“Is it Iris?” Quinn threw her door open to look at me on the floor.
“Nope…” I looked up at her with wide eyes. “I have five texts and eleven missed calls from Ash.” I bit my lip and held out my phone like it might explode.
Quinn snorted and went to wash her hands. Her drunk laughter caught on to me and I let out a laugh as well. After drying her hands, she joined me on the floor.
“Well, he must have riled up Theo too.” She showed me her phone which had more missed calls than me. Just as I was about to say something, my phone lit up again, Asher’s name flashing on the screen.
“Shit! What do I do?” I stared at my phone as Quinn laughed from beside me.
“Better answer it…”
“He’s gonna to be sooo mad,” I said, slurring a little.
“Sutton!” She pushed my hand holding the phone and I answered before it was too late.
“Hello…” I tried to sound like I wasn’t drunk off my ass, but I’d ended up dropping my voice low and I cringed—it did not sound normal at all. Quinn bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.
“Fuck, Sutton. Where the hell are you?”
I winced at the anger in his voice.
“Hi, Asher. I’m good, thanks for asking.”
Quinn snorted from beside me. I was sure she could hear his voice clearly through the phone.
“We forgot to tell them we were going out,” she whispered. The wine at my apartment had made it seem like a great idea to just go out—telling anyone didn’t even cross our minds.
“You weren’t answering your fucking phone. Where are you?”
My drunk brain wasn’t processing how pissed off he really was even though he was practically growling through the phone.
I let out a sigh. “You swear a lot.”
Quinn shook her head at me with a smile.
“Goddamn it, Sutton.”
“Did you know when you’re angry your accent gets thicker? It’s very attractive,” I said, then hiccupped.
“Hey!” Quinn whispered excitedly as she grabbed my arm. “I think that about Theo all the time!” I widened my eyes at her and we both started laughing.
“Focus, Sutton,” Asher snapped just as Quinn’s phone started going off.
She showed me the screen. Knight was calling her. She rolled her eyes before she pushed herself off the floor.
“Money Bags!” I heard her say as she left me in the bathroom.
“I need to tell you a secret,” I whispered into the phone with another hiccup.
“What’s that?”
“I’m a little drunk,” I admitted to Asher as he sighed deeply. I could imagine him shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling.
“Sutton, tell me where you are.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, sweetheart.” He didn’t sound quite as angry as he had been when I first answered the phone. “You scared me. Can you just tell me where you are?”
“Scared you?” I asked.
“They’re at Pulse.” I heard Knight’s voice on the other end of the phone.
“You can’t care about me, Asher.” I let out a sigh and rested my head back against the wall.
“And why is that, sweetheart?” I could hear him moving around.
“Because I’m a mess, and nothing about your life seems messy.
I have a daughter, I’m stressed about custody, I’m busy, and I don’t know how to let you in because if I do, I’ll get my heart broken when you realize I’m not good enough.
I haven’t even kissed you, even though I’ve really wanted to.
I think you would destroy me. I’m not sure I could recover from that.
” At least being drunk was giving me some of the courage I didn’t normally have.
“I know we have great chemistry but we’re just going to have to let things stay as they are. Okay?”
“You don’t see yourself clearly. At least not the way I see you.”
“I don’t want to know how you see me, Ash.
My own mother didn’t want me, couldn’t take care of me, no family ever adopted me.
I’ve never been wanted. No one wanted to stay around.
The last guy I thought loved me kicked me out the second the stick turned pink.
” My drunk rambling was revealing a lot.
“I got through all of that. But I’m not sure I can keep doing it, ya know?
Recovering, pushing it down, moving past it.
With you, it’s all different. You scare me and I don’t have time to be scared. ” I whispered the last part.
“The guys are coming here to pick us up, and boy, did I get a lecture,” Quinn sighed as she came back into the room. “Wade has already been sent up here to make sure we don’t move.” She sank back on the ground beside me.
“Five minutes out, sweetheart. Stay with Quinn.” He hung up without waiting for me to agree.
“Do you think I could escape before he gets here?” I asked, staring at my lock screen.
After my third shot tonight I changed it to a picture I’d taken when Sophie was sick. Asher was holding her, looking down at her with a small smile. It was the one I was using as his contact picture.
Definitely shouldn’t have done that but I didn’t change it back, blaming it on the alcohol.
“Nope.”
“Drats.”