27. Sutton
Sutton
“It isn't the food delivery,” Iris called from the door. I looked up from my laptop. I was fairly certain who it was since he’d called me five times this morning.
It had been four days since Iris had been released from hospital after her successful surgery. She was doing well, able to move around on her own, and had tried to shoo me out of here this morning.
While we were in the hospital, Asher hadn’t left my side and the rest of his friends had seemed almost on scheduled rotation.
There was always someone there with us, bringing food and coffee.
Sophie would spend her days with one of them and then I’d either sleep at the hospital or we’d go to Asher’s place late since Quinn and Knight were staying there and spending their nights with Sophie if needed.
But once Iris had been discharged and I spent my first night at home, I panicked a little.
Asher had tried to stay with me but I told him no.
Having all the guys and Quinn, but especially Asher, had given me something I needed badly.
People to rely on, someone to lean on, someone who was taking care of me so I could keep going.
And in the quiet of my apartment, I realized that it could all go away in the blink of an eye.
I’d never had this. I’d bounced around through the system, I didn’t have a family looking after me. I’d gotten used to that reality. Having it waved in front of me was rather confronting.
So instead of acting rationally and pulling them closer, I shut down.
I put the group text on do not disturb, only replied to one of Asher’s texts, and focused on helping Iris.
I pre-made foods that the doctors said were better for her heart and higher in sodium, I cleaned so she didn’t have to, and just tried to keep myself busy.
I’d wondered this morning, from the sheer volume of missed calls, if he was over me not replying.
I stood up from Iris’s couch and went to the door. Just like I assumed, Asher was standing in the doorway. His face was unreadable but I’d gotten good at speaking Asher. His jaw was just tight enough and his eyes narrowed just right to know he was seriously pissed.
“How did you find me?” I decided to just cut to the chase.
“Since you haven’t been texting at all, I assumed here was a safe bet.” His voice was a little accusatory.
“Well…what’s up?”
“We talked about you not answering your phone.” His tone was clipped and cool.
“I texted you back,” I grumbled, looking at his shoulder rather than his face. He just narrowed his eyes, pulled out his phone, and passed it to me.
Our text thread was already pulled up.
Me
Hey sweetheart, how are you, Soph, and Iris? Do you need anything?
I can come by in a few hours. I don’t have any meetings this afternoon.
I can bring dinner. What would Iris like?
Sutton
All good here! Thanks for checking in.
“That’s a perfectly pleasant text.” I tried to hide my cringe as I passed his phone back to him. “It had an exclamation mark in it.”
I had ignored him, sent him a fake text, and he still showed up at the door. I wished he was letting me get away with this but a small part of me was glad he had come to push me.
“Why are you hiding?”
“I’m not hiding.” I was still looking at his shoulder instead of meeting his eyes.
“You are. And avoiding me.”
“I’m not.”
“Sutton, you are.”
“Stop it!” I looked up at him this time, my voice raised. “I’m not hiding.”
“Hey now.” Iris came back to the door. “Sophie is asleep in the living room.” I felt like my grandmother was giving me hell and I looked down, embarrassment making its way up my spine.
Great, now I felt like crying. “Go next door. You need to talk to him.” With that she gave me a little shove out of her apartment and shut the door behind me.
I let out a sigh and led him down the hall to my place. I opened the door and stepped to the side to let Asher in. He glared at me before heading to stand near the TV with his arms crossed over his chest.
I went and sat on the couch. I wasn’t sleeping well. I knew the bags under my eyes were aggressive and I looked like a mess. I felt like it too.
Sophie must have been missing people just as much as I was since she wasn’t sleeping well either. She had woken up last night more than she had in the last few months and her naps today had been short.
“Talk to me,” he finally demanded after a short stare-off.
“You’re the one who came to me. I was getting some work done.”
He grunted his displeasure before he moved and sat on the coffee table in front of me. He was harder to avoid like this, all broody with those amber eyes that almost looked black today locking me in place.
“Tell me why you aren’t texting me or the rest of the group back.
Why are you hiding at Iris’s? I want you to talk to me.
I was trying to give you time because I know you aren’t used to being looked after, but fuck it.
We’re going to talk about whatever it is that’s scared you.
You can yell or break down but I’m not going anywhere. ”
It broke me when he talked that long because he chose his words carefully before he spoke and didn’t say much unless he had to.
“Iris could have died.”
He reached out and put his hand on my knee, giving it a little squeeze, and his touch was the comfort I’d been missing for days. A self-inflicted punishment. I sank into the couch.
“I could have lost her and I know I didn’t but then I realized that for the first time in my life I have people I could lose.
I was only worried about Sophie before; it was just me and her.
That was controllable, that was safe. But then I was surrounded by your friends for days, looking after me and Sophie, and I just… panicked. About all of you.”
“They’re your friends too,” he replied quietly.
“But they aren’t, Ash. If you and I—” I bit my lip to stop myself, reminding myself what I told him we were.
The lines were a little blurred for me and my heart.
“If something happens and we don’t stay friends, I don’t just lose you.
All of you would be gone and I don’t know how I would handle that.
Not after knowing how it feels to have support.
I would be okay if it was just me, but what about Sophie?
How can I give her that and risk having it taken away. ”
“Did I ever tell you what happened when Quinn and Knight broke up?”
“They broke up?” Quinn had only ever mentioned a fight to me before.
“Yeah, Knight was being a dumbass. When they broke up, we kicked Knight out of the group chat and we all still showed up for Quinn when she needed us. If our…friendship ends, not a single one of our friends will take my side. They’re friends with you regardless of me. I am removed from the equation.”
“But I’ve been through this before.” My exhaustion took over and my eyes got misty.
“No.” His tone was firm, eyes intense. “You haven’t been through this before. You said when your ex showed you how much of a terrible human being he was, all your friends went with him, right?”
“I’ve always been so desperate to have people, ever since I was little I wanted a village, but not one person has ever really stuck around.”
“They’re a bunch of shit people.” He reached out and tucked my messy hair behind my ear so it was out of my face.
“That wouldn’t happen here, Sutton. Quinn loves you, Noah thinks you’re too good for me anyway, Jaxson’s protective of you.
Every single one of them cares about you.
” He took a breath, his eyes bouncing between mine.
Whatever he saw there made him shake his head. “You don’t believe me.”
“I want to,” I pleaded with him.
“I can tell you that we’re all here and no one is going anywhere.
It’s what I’ve been trying to show you. That you and Sophie deserve so much better than you’ve gotten and I’m going to make sure you get it.
That we’re a family that shows up and stands up when the people we care about need us.
That I don’t want to just be your friend, I want to be your everything.
I can tell you all of this over and over, but you need to decide to believe it so you can let me in. ”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as he let out a sigh. I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for.
For being too scared to believe him.
For shutting him out.
For not trusting them all.
For putting him in the friend zone.
“You need time.” He pushed up from the table. “But, Sutton, I’m not going anywhere even when you try and push. I’ll prove that to you every day. I’m not good with my feelings but I can’t stop the ones I have for you. They’ve only gotten more intense the more time I’ve spent with you.”
I didn’t say anything. I just sat there, blinking up at him. His face looked resolute as he bent down, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and then walked out of my apartment. He stopped at the door, hope rising in my chest as he looked over his shoulder at me.
“For the record, I don’t think I ever wanted to be just your friend. You put me in that box. I’ll happily cross that line when you’re ready.”
With those parting words, he left me sitting with my thoughts.