2
ALBY
You are, and have always been, pathetic . . . no love in me to give . . . only latched onto me because I am the first woman to give you a scrap of attention . . . Do better.
It is embarrassing to have you as my Bonded.
I feel numb.
For a few moments, at least . . . and then the pain crashes back in again, my stomach revolting in response.
The process repeats itself over and over as I sit here motionlessly, staring at that glossy slab in front of me that’s taken Ezla away.
Ezla . . .
You are, and have always been, pathetic.
No . . . she doesn’t mean it . . . she doesn’t mean it . . . she doesn’t . . .
Furthermore, you have only latched onto me because I am the first woman to give you a scrap of attention.
That’s not true. I wanted her before then, was drawn to her since the end of Game 1.
She’s made me feel special, yes, but her attention only feels the way it does, so unexplainably good, because it’s her.
Because of who she is. The way she’s so confident, so unapologetic, so different from anyone I’ve ever known before.
She can read me like no one else has ever been able to, and I know it’s not just because of the bond.
We have a natural connection. And she doesn’t baby me in training, doesn’t—
“Alby!”
I jolt, swollen eyes snapping up to Scotty, who looks no better than I must.
My lips are dry as they part, but nothing comes out, just a broken rasp. And despite how torn up he obviously is inside, despite the bruises all over him, the blood coating his face from Tate’s earlier blows, he helps me up. My legs wobble as he pulls me into a secure hug.
He’s always pushing his own needs aside to help everyone else, and it occurs to me that I don’t know how much longer he can keep doing this before he breaks.
“Sh-she’s gone . . .” I choke out, the only thing I can manage. The volume in here has died out almost completely, but I know my other brothers are still in here, the occasional quivering breath giving them away.
Scotty holds the back of my head, letting my tears soak his crinkled button-up shirt, and pain drives into me without mercy at all the memories of the Ball that the fabric brings.
We’d been so happy just hours ago . . . I’d been able to feel Ezla, just hours ago .
. . “I know,” Scotty whispers, voice breaking even as he attempts to remain a steady rock for me to lean on.
I want to tell him I’m here for him too, but I can’t get the words out.
Except words certainly do come when his own cruel ones abruptly come back to me as my head clears just enough to process that part of everything.
I shove him away with an anger I didn’t think I’d ever be able to direct his way. Not to one of the first people who showed me what true friendship was.
I ignore his pained sound, ignore the guilt that pinches my insides, and push on, raising my voice when I cry, “Why did you say that?! How c-could you say that to her?!” Fresh moisture blurs my vision. “And you were supposed to take care of her! You—you . . . It’s your fault she’s gone!”
Scotty stares at me, his left eye swollen shut. I might as well have just struck him.
Lips parting, he doesn’t speak for a while, and my stomach sinks as I realise what I just said. He’s been working nonstop to give Ezla everything she needs, always looking after her and us, and I just . . .
“That—that’s not what I meant. Wait, that’s— I didn’t mean that. I—”
“He’s just saved all our asses—Ezla’s included. I think he deserves a little more respect.”
Shame engulfs me as I look over at Cooper where he’s somehow managed to get Tate to calm down, though the latter’s now worryingly staring ahead blankly.
Tiger’s also stopped sobbing, and he appears to have a blend of all the emotions within me enshrouding him, shoulders shaking as he struggles to keep everything from spilling out of him again.
I realise then that I must have missed some important information while I was zoned out.
My eyes find Cooper again, then shift more hesitantly back to Scotty, whose jaw clenches. I’ve never felt more shitty to see the hurt written all over him that I put there. That’s not me. “What . . . what do you mean? Why were you both so . . .”
“Disgusting? Cruel? Awful to our Bonded in her last moments before she was taken away to be fucking raped?”
I flinch at Cooper’s brutal words. Scotty doesn’t seem to have the energy to chastise him like he usually would for his insensitivity, and he sighs.
It’s a hoarse and exhausted sigh, as if he’s truly defeated this time.
“I felt her feelings. We all did. It took me a moment to realise what was happening, to realise what Ezla was saying was just lies. I refuse to believe what we felt through the bond last night was fake. You can’t fake emotions, not when we receive them through that connection when she lets us.
I know for me they feel exactly how they do if they were my own .
. .” His eyes gloss, and he scrubs a hand over his mouth, smudging the crimson there with a muted wince.
“So I knew . . . I knew she was acting. And I’m sorry for what she said, and I’m sorry for what Cooper and I said. ”
“I don’t . . . understand.”
“She was protecting us. I don’t fully understand from what yet, but we all know the Game Master—Joseph—is capable of a great many things he shouldn’t be.”
Too many emotions blow through me to name and count, and my heart is still working on overdrive, but a part of me, just a small part, settles.
Yet there’s still a fracture there, begging my Bonded to come back to me and repair it, to give me the gift of her own emotions, to give me words full of truth again so I know I’m still hers.
I need to hear her tell me she still wants me, that nothing before today was a lie, that I’m not pathetic .
. . I’m not . . . I’m not, I’m not, I’m not—
“You’re not pathetic, Alby,” Scotty says softly, and I realise I must have been speaking out loud.
I’m in too much of a mess to gain any embarrassment over the fact, especially as he places a hand on my shoulder, looking at me steadily through his one good eye even after my horrid accusation.
“Ezla was only saying that to keep you safe. And what I said . . .” He looks away, jaw locking.
“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do to speak to her like that.
” His eyes find mine again. “But I’ll always follow her lead, and I know Cooper and I responded right.
I wouldn’t risk her like that. I’d rather .
. . rather hurt her if there was the slightest chance it could keep her safe in any way. ”
Understanding has sunk in properly now, and as it does, my eyes widen in alarm. “But I was so— Do you think I made it worse for her?”
“No. I think it would have been suspicious without some more extreme reactions.” His hold on me applies a reassuring pressure. “I think your behaviour made our act believable.”
It’s silent for a beat, and I wish I could say the relief all this knowledge brought me stays, but a thousand more boulders press down on me as I imagine the woman I love being . . . being . . .
My lip trembles, and Scotty draws me in, letting me stand in his secure embrace once more. “It’s okay.” But then he corrects himself, “It will be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Better be.”
Tate’s deep, lowly spoken words slowly pull my gaze his way. Pulling back from Scotty, caution slithers through me on an ominous breeze.
“Because if you don’t fix this . . . if you don’t get our Bonded back, unharmed . . . I promise you, Scotty, I will kill you.”
Everything within me stills.
Tiger’s drooped head rises warily, as if he’s afraid to move too fast, as Tate continues, “And if she doesn’t come back at all . . . I’ll kill myself . . . and I’ll take you all with me for failing to protect her.”
The absolute silence that follows his promise is suffocating.
And Scotty says, never breaking eye contact. “You aren’t laying a hand on yourself or the rest of our brothers, Tate. But if that happens, if I fail . . . I’ll accept whatever punishment you believe I’m deserving of with open arms.”