33 #2
Lastly, I take stock of my own body. I had not noticed before, but there are lacerations all over it.
Funny. I cannot even feel them.
For a while, no one speaks. I do not think anyone can.
I break that silence with the only thing I can think to say when I find my voice: “How did you get in here? Your fingerprints are not on my biometric scanners.” My voice is hoarse and low.
Cooper lets out a bitter laugh, shaking my body with the action. Arms tightening around me, he says, “Yeah, fuck that, Vengeance. You’re not avoiding talking about this.”
My blood boils. “I was not going to—”
“Your bonding cube, Ezla,” Scotty cuts me off quietly, and I snap my eyes to the right when I catch the inky-crimson glow in Tiger’s shaking hand.
“We didn’t know if it would work, but we don’t have your fingerprint anywhere, and we thought the scanner would accept the Avri since bonding cubes are intrinsic to the Bonded, essentially a fundamental part of us.
It would be expected that the cube is in the owner’s possession at all times, equally as much a part of that individual as a fingerprint. ”
My hand attempts to snap out, but Cooper holds on tight. Still, I demand, “Give it here, then. I would not like any of you to be able to come into my private space—”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” Cooper spits. “We let you into ours, let you put your fingerprint on ours, without question.”
“Because you are comfortable with that. I am not comfortable with you having access to my private space around the clock.”
His teeth smash together, hold on me tightening further.
Before he can say any more, Scotty speaks, his words containing barely suppressed pain, shock, horror, and some anger. “Talk to us, Love. What happened?” He tries to ask the question in a soothing tone, but it does not pair well with his unwavering grasp on my arms and the crack of his voice.
A well-polished mask comes down over my features. “Nothing.”
“Stop. Bullshitting,” Cooper bites out in my ear, his fury making the air around him heat and vibrate.
“You’re fucking— Why? What happened? Why do you keep doing this to us?
Do you know how it felt to find you like this?
” His voice breaks, and I feel as though someone has reached into my gut and clenched their fists around all the rot inside.
“We’ve just got you back, and now you try to take yourself from us on purpose?
I can’t— We can’t live without you, Ezla.
Why would you . . . Fuck—fuck . . .” This time, his chest shakes with the force of the sobs threatening to break free of him.
Bile rises up my throat as he hides his tears in my shoulder, but drops splash onto my skin to give him away.
“Gods, please. Please, Vengeance. Just let us help you. Let us fucking help you. What can I do? What do you want from me? I’ll give you anything. Just don’t leave me. Don’t leave us.”
I am no longer lost in the way that has me unable to hold on to myself, and yet tears fill my eyes and roll steadily down my cheeks.
Tate lets out a pained rumble, and Tiger and Alby rush over as Scotty cups my face in his hands and wipes under my eyes with his thumbs.
“Ezla,” he coos softly, but the sound is heartbroken.
“It’s okay. Just tell us. Tell us what caused this.
This is killing us. Please let us all the way in.
” Pausing, he seems to stop breathing for a moment.
“Is this . . . is this because of what I said? In the maze—”
“Stop speaking,” I rasp, and he listens as always. “That is not . . . why. I do not . . . I just want it gone. I want it out.”
“Want what gone?” he asks gently, brows deeply furrowed in concern.
“I want it out,” I snap, growing agitated once more.
When I reach up to yank at my unbound hair, Scotty quickly catches my wrists again and presses my hands to his chest over his erratically beating heart, further proving his internal distress despite his attempts at a peaceful outward appearance.
My blood soaks his T-shirt through from the gash in my palm, but he is unflinching and only presses my hand tighter to him in attempt to slow the bleeding.
“I don’t know what you mean, Love. Can you show us if you can’t tell us? ”
Glistening eyes wide, Tiger wraps his arms around himself where he now kneels beside Scotty. “Do you—do you mean the Avri? You want the Avri out?” He reaches out for my face before stopping himself, as if he is not sure the touch would be welcomed.
Pain is a sharp needle when it jabs me right in the heart, and it has my answer coming out angrily.
“Of course I do,” I snap, and he jolts. “But that is—” My mouth snaps shut.
Swallowing uncomfortably, I glance around at all of my men, their expectant faces, their distraught ones, their hurt ones.
I am sure they never experienced such pain before they met me.
Which is why I harden my voice and ever-weakening heart and tell them, “I do not think I can do this. I cannot be with you. I think I should return to my father.”