19. End Of The Old Times
Chapter nineteen
End Of The Old Times
T he previous night’s dream had unlocked something in their subconscious, and like cracks in a dam, memories were slowly finding their way through the wall in their mind. Estrellas straddled a dangerous line. On one side they carefully and gratefully devoured every sip of love for Talia that their mind gifted them through old memories. But on the other side, they were tempted to take a sledgehammer to the blockade in their head and allow the flood of knowledge to drown them. And that temptation scared them. They were fully aware that if they let their resolve slip and they forced the unraveling, that Stathos-6 would have a direct line on their location; and they knew now that Stathos-6 was capable of murder as a means to an end, whatever that end might be.
The midday sun was high in the sky, baking Bill’s old wood house with stifling heat. Bill had his weekly appointment with a local charity that picked up the elderly from their homes to help them get their prescriptions filled, take them grocery shopping, and any other errands that needed doing. His absence left Talia and Estrellas walking on eggshells around each other. They opened all the windows and lounged in silence on the rickety and moth-eaten furniture in the living room, using old newspapers as fans and desperate for any slight breeze.
Estrellas would be miserable if it weren’t for the expression they kept glimpsing on Talia’s face. The anger from last night had faded, and in its place a mixture of what looked like longing and sadness. Their heart ached for her, and they hated seeing her in pain, but anything was better than the seething rage she had turned on them.
If only more recent memories would befall them. If only they had an explanation to give her, but so far, only small slices of the past had wormed their way in.
Talia’s sweet voice broke the stale air.
“I’m miserable.” She was laying across the loveseat in the corner and raised herself to a seated position. “It’s been far too long since I’ve smothered my emotions with froyo.” She stood with her hands on her hips. “I’m going to town.”
The idea of Talia leaving them behind made their pulse fly. They watched her with anxious anticipation.
She marched across the room towards the front door and paused with her hand on the doorknob. She spoke over her shoulder. “Are you coming?” Talia did not wait for a response as she opened the door, leaving it ajar, and walked outside.
The shock of being invited froze them momentarily to the couch. After a beat they stood swiftly and hurried out of the house, closing the door behind them. As they climbed into the car, Estrellas could not fight the happiness that spread across their lips.
During the drive, they were grateful for the olive branch Talia had extended and scared of snapping it by saying the wrong thing, so they said nothing and watched the bright tan landscape flash by.
The smallness of the town made it easy to find a frozen yogurt shop. They pulled in. The place had a large parking lot full of small potholes and weeds growing through cracks in the asphalt. It doubled as a burger joint and despite the peeling paint and overall lack of apparent upkeep on the outside, the inside of the business appeared clean, well-kept, and lively through the large front windows.
A bell tinkled overhead when they opened the front doors, and the hearty aroma of fat rendered from beef and hot fry grease mingled with the lightness of spun sugar and fountain drinks, filling their nostrils. The sizzle from the grill combined with the hum of customers was so opposite from the quiet of the old farmhouse that their senses were on overload. Estrellas looked over to Talia who appeared to be waiting for an answer from them.
They stuttered. “Uh, oh, I’m sorry, what’s the question?” They stared into Talia’s eyes, so patient, so kind.
“I asked if you wanted to sit down and have lunch or take it to go.” There was a slight clip to her voice.
“Um, whatever you’d like to do.” They made an effort to drown out their surroundings, make eye contact with Talia, and grinned.
“Great, let’s stay. The air conditioning in here is nice. Besides, it’s too quiet at Bill’s.”
Estrellas nodded and smiled at her again. “Agreed.” Their heart did a small tap dance at the slight rouge tint that blossomed on Talia’s cheeks. She can’t help it, she loves me.
“Dessert first?” Talia asked.
They chuckled. “Anything for you.”
After ordering they found a small, secluded table for two and sat across from each other. Estrellas loved the way Talia took her time. The way she scooped small amounts of the creamy frozen vanilla into her mouth and slowly pulled the spoon out as if trying to taste every tiny morsel.
The ache in their chest lessened. Talia may not be talking as much as Estrellas hoped but she told sagas with her body language. She may not want to forgive Estrellas, but they sensed that she couldn’t help it. The way she leaned close. The way she brushed their arm when she reached for a napkin, and the way her eyes spoke for her in a way her words could not.
When she had reached the bottom of her froyo bowl, she titled it up to her mouth to drink the last melted bit, and when she brought it back down, she had a satisfied smile on her lips and a patch of white on her nose.
Without thinking, Estrellas leaned across the table and cupped Talia’s face with one hand while gently wiping the froyo from her nose with their thumb. Their soft brown hand lingered against Talia’s warm skin until she pulled away.
“You can’t do that.”
Estrellas’s hope sank to the bottom of their gut, as if the spell of their unspoken truce was broken. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Of course you weren’t!” She looked around and lowered her voice, but the harshness remained. “You’re never thinking about anyone but yourself.”
“Tal-”
“Don’t call me that. ” She glared.
“I’m sorry-”
“Just stop, please . I try to be the bigger person. I try to be patient, and understanding. But you just take and take, without stopping to think if you’ve had enough!”
“Tal, please, I don’t understand-”
“Of course you don’t, why would you?”
Panic coursed through their veins as they watched her shake her head while standing and gathering her wallet as if getting ready to leave.
“Wait. Please. ”
The desperation in their voice halted Talia. They stood and reached for her hands before stopping themselves.
“You’re right. I’m selfish.” They paused and gulped. “But I’m selfish for you. Selfish for your voice, for your smile, for any scrap of attention from you that I can get. I can only think about you, about what you’re feeling, what you're thinking-” their voice dropped to a whisper and Estrellas took a step closer. “ If you think about me , and what you might be thinking about me.” They hugged themselves to keep from touching her. “ You, are all I care about. And this divide between us… is killing me. I don’t know what possibly could have happened to make me leave you all those years ago, but I understand now what I put you through, and ‘sorry’ will never be enough.” They took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Tal, my heart feels like it's broken in two and I can’t breathe without you. Please , don’t leave me.”
The air between them vibrated and a single tear fell down Talia’s cheek. Estrellas hesitated before slowly taking one last step towards her, and carefully wiping the tear away. When she didn’t yell again or pull away, Estrellas pressed their forehead against hers and spoke softly. “I am forever yours. I will move mountains to be by your side. I will never leave you again without a fight to the death, because life is not worth having without you.”
Fireworks exploded inside them when Talia dropped her head onto their shoulder. The air left their lungs when her arms pressed against their chest and she sobbed. Estrellas fully embraced her and held on tight, smoothing back her curls and placing a kiss on top of her crown. I’m home.