Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“What is wrong with you?” I hiss. “We’ve known each other for two weeks.” Even as I say this, I feel my heart tightening, as though her hand has a fast grip on it. Why did she have to ask that?
“We’ve known each other for a month,” Aliz argues.
“No,” I say, gritting my teeth. “I’ve been keeping my distance, and now you’re asking me about love?”
“I—”
“In a week we’ll finally get into the library,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “Don’t ruin this.”
She clasps my face, forcing me to look at her. My eyes sting, heart beating far too quickly. “I’m not ruining anything,” she says, voice tight. “You can call it whatever you want. Fever, obsession. I just need to know if we’re on the same page,” she says. “This madness can’t be mine alone.”
She’s close enough to kiss. If I inched forward, I’d have her.
Slowly, her words sink in. I stop breathing, my anger momentarily fading as I realise what she’s saying.
Aliz takes a shallow breath, and the wind begins to pick up around us.
“Cassie, please.” Desperation tightens her voice.
I don’t make a sound, and she squeezes my hands.
“You could say you don’t love me,” she says.
“I’m a vampire. I’ll be able to sense if you’re lying. ”
“Aliz—”
“Please.” Her voice is dry, just on the brink of breaking. I take a deep breath, and she remains still, waiting.
She’s a vampire. My natural enemy. A creature I’ve hated blindly for four years. My heart thunders as I realise what I’m about to admit. In seven days these feelings will leave us both, and it would have been so much easier to keep these words to myself.
“I don’t love you,” I say. Aliz flinches.
The words, the truth hidden behind them, break every rule I’ve abided by these last four years.
My feelings are suddenly as clear to me as the stars above us.
I don’t know how long I’ve known, but I’m no longer in denial about them.
I wait for Aliz to say something, but she doesn’t.
Carefully, I place a hand behind her head, and feel her sigh against me.
“Thank you.” She pulls back. Her cheeks are still flushed, and the cold has slipped under my coat. The wind is blowing but it hasn’t carried my words away. They remain very firmly in place, the lie a seashell, the truth a pearl hidden within.
Aliz loves me. It’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard, and yet, at least for now, it’s true.
It’s true, but not real. I know that. There is no way that she could fall in love with me.
Just like the Familiar’s mark can summon dreams, I’m certain it can summon these false feelings, too.
Another trick to draw us closer and seal the contract.
“What’ll happen when we get rid of the mark?” I ask.
“Maybe we can be friends,” she says. “I know you didn’t particularly like me before all this, but—”
“Friends sounds good,” I say. I can’t imagine myself without these feelings. I’d be like an empty vessel.
The silence that follows is louder than the wind, and just as I clear my throat, she clasps a gloved hand over my eyes, holding me in place. “Aliz?”
“Can I kiss you?” she asks. Her breath is cool against my skin. I inhale sharply, heart thudding.
“I thought you said we’re just friends,” I say. I can’t see her, but I feel her warmth radiating on me.
“Just friends—once this is over.” Her other hand snakes behind my back. “But for now—” I hear her swallowing. “You said you trusted me, right?”
“Yes,” I say.
I wait for her to convince me further, and I think of ways in which I can ask her to do it without saying it outright.
But then her lips are on mine, cool and soft, and it’s like being set alight.
Her lips move slowly, cautiously, and although I’m sure she knows how much I want her, she pulls back.
Her breathing quickens. “More,” I whisper.
I grab her collar, drawing her mouth to my own.
We’re still not close enough. Our teeth knock together, and she pushes me down.
Before I can get used to the cold stone beneath me, her lips find mine again, hungrier this time, tongue trying to pry them open.
Her knee presses between my legs, and a gasp escapes me. Aliz’s wet kiss moves down to my neck, her hand still a blindfold. “Let me see you,” I say digging my nails into her coat. But Aliz pulls back.
“No,” she says, breathless.
“Why not?”
Her hand finally pulls away from my eyes, and I blink, adjusting to the dim light.
There’s a faint red glow in her irises. Her breathing is still uneven, and she bites her lips.
The fangs which should terrify me, which should be like a sudden shower of ice-cold water on my desire, are just another part of her that I love.
“It’s too dangerous,” she says.
“Maybe we should go, then.” The words sting as I say them. I need more.
When she climbs off me, I take a deep breath. The freezing October air sinks through my coat.
We walk back inside, down the narrow staircase. Silence hangs between us. We just crossed every line and boundary we’d silently imposed. I can’t imagine being able to sleep pressed against her after what just happened there. And worst of all is the dampness between my legs, cool and slick.
There’s always been tension between us, but now the air is thick with it, about to snap.
My skin burns beneath my jacket, the fabric far too warm.
Our hallway is deserted, lamps casting a faint glow on the emerald ceiling.
Without thinking, I take her hand, and Aliz glances at me.
Her lips part, but she doesn’t say a word.
Instead of going straight to our room, she tightens her grip on my hand and takes a right turn.
She guides me towards the common room at the end of the hallway.
Three velvet armchairs, green like the ceiling, form a little circle, while the surrounding bookshelves are bursting with volumes that I’m only now realising must all belong to Aliz, if she really had this hallway all to herself prior to my arrival.
“Why are we here?” I ask, glancing out the window, shutters lifted to reveal a faint outline of the hills.
Aliz leans against a bookcase, across from me, while I rest on the back of an armchair. “We’re here because I need to know what’s going to happen next.” She rubs her forehead. Her shoulders are tense.
I step closer, taking her hand again. I need to feel her against me.
Every nerve in my body is like a match, about to catch.
I run my hand from her shoulder down to her waist, the stiff wool of her coat rough against my fingers.
Aliz takes a sharp breath but doesn’t move.
I want to tear every last item of clothing off her, feel every inch of her skin. “We’ll go to our room,” I say.
“I assumed as much,” she says, voice cautious.
“What I want to know is what’ll happen when we cross that doorway.
” She swallows, and just like on the roof, there are nerves—or perhaps just impatience?
—thickening her voice. “Are we going to act like nothing happened, sleep next to each other, without touching, or…” She lets go of my hand, reaching to trace a slow line up my neck, making me shiver before she clasps my chin, tipping me up to face her. Her eyes are still black. Safe.
“Or…?” I ask, so low she wouldn’t have heard me if not for her vampire senses.
She leans close enough for me to feel her breath on my lips. “Or make a terrible mistake?”
I’m not entirely sure which one of us closed the distance first, but suddenly we’re kissing again.
Her lips are slow, careful, as though she’s doing this for the first time, trying to savour every second.
I wrap my arms around her neck, nibbling her lower lip, pressing her harder against the bookcase.
“Define ‘mistake,’ ” I whisper, trying to steady my voice.
Her gaze darkens, looking at me the way she did at the start, back when I felt she could see right through me.
“I want to fuck you,” she says. My lips part with a gasp, but I can’t find anything to say. My skin was already burning, but her words have set me ablaze.
“That would be a terrible mistake.” I keep my lips close to hers. “But you should do it, anyway.”
Aliz pushes herself off the bookcase, and me in the process, until she’s pressing me against the back of the velvet armchair.
In a matter of seconds, she unbuttons my coat, and her lips are on mine before I can say a word, hungrier than they were a moment ago.
This kiss is rough, and my legs may have given way if not for her thigh, pressed between mine.
I suppress a moan, trying to get my thoughts in order, before I manage to say:
“Here?” She kisses her way down my neck, hand on my waist, slipping beneath my jumper vest. “I thought we were going to our room!”
“No,” she says, drawing back to whisper in my ear. “I said I’d fuck you in our room.”
I swallow hard, anticipation building in me as her hand finds the hem of my skirt.
“What if someone hears us?”
“You’ll just have to keep quiet,” she says, lips curving into a crooked smile. But before her fingers reach me, Aliz pulls back, hesitating. “Are you sure you want this?”
“Yes,” I say, practically interrupting her. “I do.” I don’t care if I sound desperate. But now her question echoes in the back of my head, drawing out another one that I’ve been trying to ignore. “But you…” I look at her, heart thudding. “You wouldn’t want this if it wasn’t for the mark.”
Instantly, I wish I hadn’t said it. Because Aliz inches back from me, brows furrowing. “I still have free will, Cassie.”
“Yes,” I say, and for some stupid reason, my eyes burn. “But think back to before I had the mark, Aliz. There’s no way you—”
“I’m not going to regret this,” she interrupts. “I don’t care how I felt or what I thought back then. Now matters, too.” Her voice softens, putting a sudden break on my spiralling. “And I will be very careful. I promise.”