Chapter 34
Megan
One last deep breath was all I had left before I pushed myself off the ground and took off toward the other side of the road where I heard the water coming from. I heard the men clamoring behind me and vague yelling that I wasn’t trying to focus on. I didn’t want to deal with this anymore. Let the water rush over me and drown me for all I care. I saw the guard rail up ahead and the boats in the water. My clothes were scattered, all that remained was my boots. I threw myself over the railing, closed eyes and prayed I was falling down into water and not cement.
I let the wind whisper to me as I plummeted down to the unknown. If I hit cement, hopefully I died instantly so that they couldn’t come get me. If I was lucky enough to drop into water, I hope I don’t lose the air in my lungs so I can swim away. I squeezed my eyes tight knowing that soon I would know the answer to the racing thoughts in my head.
I’m sorry Max. I’m so fucking sorry.
Icy cold water splashed all around me, consuming me into the waves. I hit water. Thank the gods! It hurt like hell but fuck it I am still alive and that is all that matters. I kick my legs out beneath me and break through the water to catch my breath. Opening my eyes, I look around to find that I am closer to the port that I thought. How could no one hear me screaming?
Then I heard it, the horns from the boats singing to one another. How did I not hear them before? Oh right, trauma has a tendency to make you hyper focus on what can kill you and not your surroundings. I look at the port in the not so far away distance, I saw people bustling about leaving the docks and heading home for the evening. It must be getting late.
I looked up above me from where I jumped, holy shit! I could’ve died if I didn’t land right. Maybe that would’ve been for the best. Maybe I should’ve died here in this water, maybe I should’ve just let them kill me up there. Maybe I should’ve died that night when Sandra aimed her gun at me. Hell, maybe I should’ve died at Ryan’s hands years ago.
I took a deep breath and started swimming for the shore. Thankfully I knew how to swim. I knew plenty of people who never learned because their parents were afraid of them drowning. Luckily my grandfather threw me in the pool at a young age and let me go. I could make it. I could do this.
Boat horns blared in the distance as ships left port and headed out to sea. I was trying so hard to keep moving. If I stopped, the cold water would take me out. I had to push through this. I had to make it to the shore. My vision kept blurring at the edges, my chest hurt so bad, so did my head. I wasn’t even sure how I was moving. The light from the sun was slowly being replaced by moonlight washing over the water, glistening and calling to me lighting up my way to shore.
A small sandy beach was within view, the light from the moon showing me just how much further I had to go. The world was going dark on me. My chest was heavy, my lungs felt like they were on fire, but I pressed on. I had to make it to shore, I couldn’t drown. I couldn’t let myself fall to the depths of the ocean.
A few more strokes and I was fingertips away from shore. My feet hit the rocky bottom as I got closer to the sandy ground ahead of me. Seashells littered the sand, rocks in the sand had me losing my balance over and over, but I did it. I made it to shore.
I did it.
I laid out on the sandy beach, tears streaming down my face, I lay bare for the whole damn port to see, but I didn’t care. I was alive. I took one last deep breath before the pain took over my body and everything went black.
“Megan,” a soothing male voice called out to me, a familiar voice that I haven’t heard in years. “Megan, you have to wake up my love.”
I had to be hearing things, I couldn’t be hearing him. I cracked an eye open and saw nothing but the night sky. Stars twinkling above me, the full moon splashing her pale light across me. A figure moved next to me, sitting down on the beach, humming softly.
“You need to wake up Megan. It’s not safe for you here,” his voice wrecked me, tore apart a hole in my chest that was slowly closing once I found Max. Tears stream down my cheeks, but I can’t move. I opened my mouth, maybe that would work.
“How are you here?” I ask weakly. My voice was barely a whisper from all the screaming I had done.
“I’m always here, I never left you,” Matt’s voice sung to me like a long-forgotten song that I could listen to on repeat. I listened to his voicemails daily for years, saving them in my email so they would never be deleted by Ryan. The last connection I had.
“You’re gone, you left me and never came home!” I tried to yell. I was angry that he left me home that night. I was angry that he never came home. I was shattered when the police showed up at my door to tell me that he was gone. D.O.A. Dead on arrival. Nothing could be done no matter what I said.
“I didn’t leave you. I wanted to come home to you, I’m sorry. I tried to hold on, I tried to come home. I never wanted to leave you, I never wanted to hurt you,” Matty laid down on the sand next to me, rolling into my side like he used to when we would cuddle in bed.
“You didn’t answer my question. How are you here? How can I hear and feel you?” I try to ask with more authority than my voice will allow.
“You are closer to me than I am to you. Megan, you can’t be here anymore. As much as I want you here with me, like we used to be. I need you to wake up,” Matty cried. His hold on me was tight that I couldn’t think that this was a dream.
“I am awake Matty, I am awake, and you are here with me. I tried to move my head down to kiss him, but I couldn’t move.
“You’re not awake Megan. You’re fucking dying!” He sat up, pain and panic crossing his face. He put his hands on my face, a flooding of memories danced across my mind. Max and I in our bed, Ally and me dancing in the library like no one is watching us. Roark and me playfully bantering over what music band is superior, Ethan and I eating ice cream on my couch. “Megan, you have a life still. I love you. I will always love you until the sun stops shining and all that’s left is the stars. You are my soul mate, but you lost me and found another half to your heart. If you die here, he will go through the heartache you did. He will be lost without you. I love you, but you need to go back to him. I’ll fight him for your love when you both join me much later on.”
I sobbed, Matt’s hands wiping away my tears. He pressed a firm kiss to my lips one last time. My soul and heart shattering once more. “I love you until the sun stops shining.” I whisper back to him.
“And all that’s left is the stars.” He says as he breaks our final kiss and vanishes into the night.