Chapter 12
Gabriel
What a coincidence that I prepared this particular menu today. It's never wrong to make a good impression on someone. Especially when that someone is my new assistant. My new personal assistant, to be precise.
"Hey," I record in a voice message to Steven while driving to my mother's house.
"Just wanted to let you know that Kim is at my place.
She brought some luggage and is now alone in the mansion.
I'm visiting my mother. If anything comes up, just call.
Tomorrow morning I'll bring Kim to work to show her everything.
Friday I'll fly to Rome as planned." I send the message and concentrate on the drive.
Whenever I set out to visit my mother, a leaden heaviness settles over my heart. I need these minutes in the car, alone with myself and my thoughts, before I can muster the strength to visit her.
When I open the gate via remote control, I drive onto the secured property.
Only a small light burns on the ground floor, which I can clearly see from outside.
The exterior lights switch on immediately as I approach.
The groundskeepers have done an excellent job.
Everything looks well-maintained and orderly.
I briefly look around and then go to the front door, take out my key, and unlock it.
In the hallway, the light automatically switches on, as I'm used to.
“It’s me. Gabriel. Today is Sunday. It’s already 10:17 PM. End of September. Outside it’s still warm during the day, but in the mornings, late evenings, and at night it gets really cold. The sky is clear though, so you can see the stars.” I smile faintly. “I wish you could see them.”
I swallow hard and take a deep breath.
“Rosie is still with Catherine. I had hoped she’d bring the little one over today, but it’s late now and they’re probably both asleep. I managed to convince Kim to work for me. At least she’s staying for a trial week…” I tell her everything. Every detail. It just feels good to talk to her about it.
Only when I hear the front door do I stop. The hour has passed. It felt like a fleeting minute.
“Keep your fingers crossed for me, okay?” I get up, kiss her forehead, and let go of her hand.
Amani approaches carefully as I turn. “Her vitals haven’t changed. I’ll go now. Have a peaceful night.”
“Okay. Thank you.” She sits down in the armchair while I leave the house right away.
It takes everything out of me, every time I come here—not knowing whether she might have died just before, or if she could have woken up while I wasn’t there. Both possibilities are cruel. I don’t even know what I should wish for.
If she dies, she’s gone, and I’ll have to bury her.
But after four years, all hope fades.
If she wakes up again, she could be in a persistent vegetative state or have suffered severe damage. I know my mother well enough to know she would never have wanted that.
She’s still stable enough that I can’t have the machines turned off. But if her condition worsens, I’ll have to decide.
Do I let her go? That would mean the end. Killing her.
Do I keep her alive? That wouldn’t change anything. Maybe she’d suffer. Maybe she doesn’t want to die because she’s still somehow aware. Or maybe she wants it to finally end.
I can’t ask her anymore.
I remember her words—that she never wanted this. But she also wouldn’t want her fate, her life, to be in my hands.
So, I swing between two feelings that consume every second of my life. On one hand, I hope she’s still alive because I can’t bear to lose her. On the other hand, I want her to finally find peace.
The worst part is, I hate myself for both thoughts. There’s no winning here. Only loss.
When I return to the mansion, the kitchen is clean, and everything is in its place. She obviously thought it through and didn’t just shove the pots, pans, and plates anywhere. I admit, I have a pretty unusual system of organization—not easy to figure out. First point in her favor.
Kim isn’t in the living room or any of the other rooms downstairs. Since it’s already well after midnight, I assume she’s asleep.
It’s a strange feeling, knowing such an attractive woman is here in my home, and that we won’t be sleeping together. Kim is off-limits. The good thing is, she sees it the same way. That’s the perfect foundation for both of us to build a solid, long-term working relationship.
After a long shower, I head to bed. I set my alarm for 9 AM. I’m curious what she has planned for tomorrow morning. Maybe it really will just be eggs. If so, I’ll book her a cooking class so breakfast can actually become a pleasant experience.