Chapter 48
Alessa
Yes, that’s me sitting on the very end of the sixth row, right next to my lawyer, Holden.
I hadn’t planned on coming to Ted and Jordan’s wedding after what happened with Julianna. After all, my ex-girlfriend is the one walking her brother down the aisle, their identical suits and flowers making the two siblings look more alike than they ever have before. Except for the fact that Julianna is quite the femme and Ted is every bit of a masculine guy’s-guy. Even with Julianna’s dark hair swept up in a coiffed bun studded with diamonds, she is every bit her brother’s womanly counterpart.
They both shoot me steel-cool looks. But it’s Julianna’s mouth that drops the moment she realizes it’s me.
“Don’t worry, Alessa,” Holden says with his usual legal bravado. “If she tries anything, I’m here to slap a restraining order against her.” Really? Is that appropriate talk for a wedding?
It’s sort of a long story how I’ve ended up here – and I did not intend to sit on the end of the aisle. But I still had the dress hanging in my closet. What would I do with it, anyway? It was too bespoke to sell anywhere. Too nice to simply throw out. I suppose it’s fate that kept me holding on to it, even though it was delivered long after I walked away from Julianna. Because a few days ago?
Ted called me. Ted Marcon, not Jordan, of all people!
“Look, Alessa,” he said, “I don’t know what my baby sister did, but I believe you when you say she royally fucked up. Give her one more chance. At my wedding. It will be poetic.”
I said no about three times. After all, why the hell would I want to go to Ted’s wedding? Not that I have anything against Ted, although I can see why he has a reputation as a notorious flirt who is liable to start pissing people off with his devil-may-care attitude… and Jordan had been nothing but kind and understanding with me… but…
Julianna. She would be here. She would see me.
And both certainly happened no fewer than ten minutes after Holden and I sat down.
I made the mistake of telling Holden, the younger of my two lawyers assigned to my lawsuit, that I planned to still come to this wedding. Not only did he object to me doing it, but after I decided, he invited himself as my +1 to “protect my interests.”
I dare anyone to insult me by suggesting I don’t notice Holden has a crush on me. He’s been hovering since he was assigned my case. At first, I appreciated it—who wouldn’t want a younger lawyer who takes the time to explain things? But once it was obvious his real interest was in me, I decided to grin and bear it until the settlement is finalized, and I can wash my hands of him.
No, I’m not going out with him. No, I’m not flirting or leading him on. Honestly, I shouldn’t have even let him tag along today. I should’ve brought one of my friends. But his persistence caught me so off guard, that I couldn’t think of anything to say except “okay.”
Now here I am, wishing I could hide under some lady’s hat if it means I don’t have to face Julianna a final time.
She’s so shocked by my appearance that she almost trips her brother in the middle of the aisle. Ted grabs her arm and hisses something into her ear. “Get a grip, Jules,” I imagine him saying. “This is my damn wedding you’re making a fool of yourself at.”
The ceremony continues. Jordan flashes me a smile on his way by but doesn’t wave. He saves the waves for his friends.
That could be me one day, I suppose. Walking down the aisle in a wedding dress that cost more than my college education. Paid for by my magnanimous wife Julianna Marcon. You know, assuming I’m assed to take her back.
Even though I want to.
Even though I look at her and instantly hold back the urge to run up to her and cry that I’m so sorry, that I forgive her, that we can hurry up and get married once her brother’s done.
I want it so badly.
But I must be strong. I came here to support Ted and Jordan, a couple I barely know. I came here to give Julianna her final chance. No script. No preparation. She’ll either win me back (unlikely,) or drive me away forever (more than likely.)
The fact that today might be the last time I ever see her like this…
My heart skips a beat. For a single moment, I allow myself to fantasize that this is my wedding day and that tonight Julianna will slowly strip my white wedding dress away from my body and make me her wife.
The moment is over way too soon. So is the ceremony.
I spend the next hour avoiding Julianna. Not hard to do when five hundred other people are clamoring to shake the newlyweds’ hands and regale them with tales of their weddings. Holden and I slip into the reception undetected, although I’m sure Julianna is losing her mind trying to find me while still upholding her best woman duties. It’s her job to stand with her parents beside Ted and shake hands as people enter the reception area. Their father is already making a fool of himself, while their mother thanks people for coming to “the spectacle.” Holden and I bypass it entirely. I’ll give Ted and Jordan my love later.
The Marcons did not hold back on the expenses for this reception. Everything, from the dishes to the silverware to the vases holding whole bouquets of fresh, exotic flowers, is made of either pure crystal or gold. The tablecloths are handstitched with gold thread. A live jazz band flown in from LA performs for most of the night, taking turns between upbeat instrumentals to slow, achingly sweet love ballads as sung by the talented female lead. Every guest is decked out in either designer wear or tailor-made garments. Everyone smells good. Everyone has perfect manners. Everyone takes happy selfies and shots with photographers. This kind of wedding doesn’t keep disposable cameras on the tables for the guests to fill up. Instead, three professional photographers are making the rounds, and Holden and I are one of the first to be asked for a “casual pose.” Holden, of course, puts his arm on the back of my chair and makes it look like we’re a couple.
I know that Julianna is only a few feet away before she even sees me.
It’s not because I see her through a small throng of people laughing and carrying on about their trips to Milan and Tahiti. It’s because my ex-girlfriend’s presence is so strong, so intimidating, that there could be a concrete wall erected between us, and I would still know that she’s there, looking for me. Perhaps she’s been making her way toward me this whole time.
“Going to get some punch,” I say to Holden. When he moves to accompany me, I hold out a gentle hand and jerk my head toward the ladies’ room. Punch is code, dude.“Be careful,” he says before sitting back down.
I want to get away from Julianna’s overwhelming presence. If it means crossing the room full of people dancing to live jazz music, then I’ll do it. Give me some peace for a while, please.
Of course, I’m not allowed any peace. The moment I reach the other side of the dance floor, I feel that presence again, like I did back at the Bradford & Marcon building, and like I did at that park in Northwest Portland.
“Alessa.”
Her voice is so hushed that it’s a wonder I can hear her over the happy rabble of wedding attendees. My hands grab the purple tulle on my skirt. Because with Julianna right next to me like this, I’m nothing but a bundle of nerves.
What is she going to say? What is she going to do? How will I react? This is it. She’s using up her third chance to get me back. I knew this moment would come, but I wasn’t prepared for possibly never seeing her again.
“I love you.”
Wait. Did I hear that right?
I fully turn my body toward her, my head cocked to one side. “What was that?”
She takes a step closer to me. This powerful businesswoman, who rarely wears her heart on her bespoke sleeve, is prepared to show me her whole heart. “I love you, Alessa. I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I foolishly assumed I would have all the time in the world to tell you how I really feel.”
“You… you love me…” I shake my head. “You think that’s enough to get me back?”
“No.”
I take another step back. “Excuse me?”
She holds her hand out to me as a new song begins. “I haven’t danced with anyone tonight. Please let me have the chance to show you how I feel instead of telling you.” She chuckles. “You know better than anyone that I am not always the best with words.”
As if I am possessed, I take her hand and am led to the dance floor, where other well-to-do couples canoodle and network. While half the couples here are heterosexual, quite a few male pairs are snuggling up and laughing with their friends. We’re the only female pair.
They all cease to exist the moment I’m in Julianna’s arms.
Don’t I remember what this is like? How much I loved being in her hold like this? In the beginning, I couldn’t believe that it was true. That someone like Julianna Marcon could want me to be her girlfriend… and later on, when she talked about us being together for years… I knew it was too good to be true. That’s why finding out the truth about why we first hooked up hurt me more than anything else.
Now that I’m back in her arms, I almost feel that way again. But I can’t succumb to those feelings. Julianna might want to show me her feelings, but I still need to use logic and reason right now. I can’t be that virgin who was summoned to her office based on a stupid bet. God! Literally anyone else would have been better than me. Lizzie, Cher… those girls could’ve handled being seduced by Ms. Marcon, let alone moving on from her the moment she stopped showing affection. Maybe they would’ve been pissed if they found out the truth, but heartbroken? Hardly. Only me, young and na?ve Alessa, could have fallen into a hole like that.
Why me?
“You are more beautiful than I thought you would be in that dress.”
It’s the first thing she’s said since bringing me to the dance floor. “I couldn’t let it go to waste,” I say.
“Good thing you didn’t. I was dying to see you in it.”
My hand grows clammy in hers. Am I nervous? Of course I am! This woman will probably continue to confess her love to me, and I’m expected to walk away from her!
Don’t give in, Alessa…
“You and that young lawyer of yours look awfully close.”
I tense. “Jealous, Jules?”
“Of course I am. Didn’t I say that you belong to me?”
My brows furrow. Good to know she can still get this kind of rise out of me. “I left you, Julianna. We’re not together anymore. I can date other people now.”
She sucks in her lower lip instead of telling me how she feels. “So, you are dating him?”
“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. He certainly thinks he’s dating me, though.”
We almost bump into another, slightly drunk couple. Both men apologize before complimenting my dress and going back to their dance. At the large table at the head of the dance floor, Jordan and Ted keep a watchful eye on us. Damnit. They should be enjoying their wedding. They don’t need to be following our drama!
“Men like that only want to use you, Alessa.”
“Is that advice from a woman looking out for me, or from my jealous ex-girlfriend?”
“Consider it advice from a woman who knows that type well enough.”
Dancing with Julianna was once a huge fantasy of mine. We had danced together before, at a couple of functions full of rich people wearing their best, but those were nothing compared to a wedding. Before we broke up… I don’t want to think how many times I fantasized about dancing with her. The rapture of it would be overwhelming. Me. Her. Twirling to live jazz music in her fitted, feminine suit and my gorgeous dress. People celebrating love and happiness around us. The cheerful jabs from friends that it was only a matter of time before we got hitched too.
The sense of ownership, of possession Julianna knows how to broadcast to a whole room. I would revel in that today.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. She’s doing that. Right now.
But it’s not the same. Because I don’t belong to her anymore. I made sure of that.
This might be the last chance I ever have to be close to Julianna like this. On one hand, I should be making the most of this. On the other, she made me feel too disposable to deal with.
I drop her hand and step away.
“Alessa.”
We’re awkwardly standing amid these dancing couples. They politely look away and pretend that they don’t see us making fools of ourselves.
“I love you.”
My feet were ready to take me far away from the dance floor. I’d run up and tell the newlyweds how happy I am for them, how I hope they have a wonderful life together… and then I’d run far, far away from Julianna Marcon and the pain she leaves in my wake.
Then she said that. Suddenly, I can’t move.
“Alessa…” Julianna grabs my wrist. Her touch is hot, sweaty. “Say something.”
I finally have my bearings together. Time to run away.
I don’t look back as I leave the dance floor. I know she’s behind me. Julianna Marcon is not going to relent until I tell her to back off, that she’s used up her third chance to get me back. She’s going to follow me as long as she can find me.
Do you know why I don’t tell her that her three strikes are up? Because this is it. The make it or break it moment of our relationship. She said those words. I love you. Did she mean them? Or did she say that in a last-ditch effort to get me back?
I’m about to find out.