34. Sierra
SIERRA
“ W e should totally join a league,” Ro said, dragging me inside the bowling alley for what she called my enforced weekly fun. “We need to get back to our roots.”
“I don’t know if we’re good enough for a league anymore. And we hardly have the time.”
“We’ll form our own team then. Like we did when we were ten.”
“ Lord .” I laughed and winced at the same time, clutching my head at the memories. “We’re resurrecting the Gutter Punishers?”
Ro smirked, dragging me toward the shoe counter. “Hell yes we are. Oh, the shoe guy is kinda cute!” She surged forward, tugging me along. “Let’s see what his deal is.”
“Hard pass.”
“You agreed to be open-minded, remember?”
“Yeah, well, shoe guy is about twenty-five. That’s way too young for me. ”
“Sure, but maybe he has a cute older brother.”
Since the breakup, Ro had been dragging me out of the house at least once a week, hoping I’d lock eyes with a stranger across the room and fall hopelessly in love so I could effectively wipe Finn from my mind.
It wasn’t a terrible plan.
It was just a plan that had zero chance of working.
Finn Lockhart was a fixture in my life whether I wanted him there or not.
It had been two months since the breakup, and he still cropped up in little ways, making my stomach ache.
When I put my coffee in my to-go thermos in the mornings, he was there.
When I cracked open a can of RevX, he was there, complaining about my addiction.
When I spotted a glowing article online about Every Day , I imagined turning to him to see that crooked half smile. The real one I’d come to know.
To miss.
To love.
Finn was a habit I was having a hard time breaking.
With Trey—and all the guys that came before—things had been simpler.
We hadn’t been living together, and in many ways, it was easy to just pick up and carry on.
But with Finn…I noticed his absence everywhere.
I even missed Lord Meowington—that wrinkly little grump and his weird little striped sweaters.
“Here,” Ro said, handing me a pair of shoes branded with the Bowlarama logo as we headed down to our lane. “The reviews online were mediocre, but this place is actually kinda cute.”
It looked like it had been refurbished recently, the grime of a formerly rundown bowling alley hidden behind a swanky new bar and a variety of pool tables and arcade games. “I’m just glad you didn’t make me go back to the Gutter Ball. ”
“I wouldn’t have done that to you,” Ro said, nudging my shoulder as we sat down at our lane, plugged our names into the screen, and started the game.
I managed a thin smile, glad that after all these years, she knew me well enough to know I’d never have enjoyed myself in the same place we’d had the wrap party—back when I’d actually been happy.
“I need a drink,” Ro said as her ball narrowly missed the pin she needed for a spare.
“Not sure that’s going to help your accuracy,” I teased.
“C’mon.” Ro pulled me over toward the bar where we indulged in cheap beer, sweet potato fries, and deep-fried pickles while Ro kept making eyes at the cute shoe attendant who’d helped us earlier.
“Knock it off,” I said, “or he’s going to come over here.”
“That’s the idea,” she said, smirking. “And if he does, you’re totally asking him if he has a brother.”
I sighed. I knew she was doing everything she could to cheer me up, but the truth was I wasn’t really having fun. Maybe it was too soon for bowling. Too soon for things that reminded me of Finn.
But then, what didn’t remind me of Finn?
“I know this is tough,” Ro said.
I blinked at her, drifting back to the conversation.
“But if you’re going to start putting yourself out there again, you have to keep showing up.”
Whether I was having a good time or not went unsaid. I sipped my beer and nodded. “I know. Thanks for putting up with me.”
“It’s you and me until the end, you know this. If you and Finn had lasted, you would have found me moving myself into your swanky guest house one day.”
I chuckled. “You could have roomed with Lord Meowington.”
“I would have been fine with that. That cat probably has more square footage than I ever will.”
“He also has a sizable wardrobe.”
“Shut up!”
I laughed at that. “Yep. Very aughts yacht chic.”
I hummed softly, eager for the day when we could joke about Finn and his grumpy cat without it hurting.
“How’s the job going?” Ro asked, clearly trying to distract me.
I’d picked up a gig on a limited series thanks to a recommendation from X.
I shrugged in response. “It’s fine, I guess.
But you know me. A murder mystery isn’t really my thing.
” There wasn’t a whole lot of imagination that went into coordinating those types of costumes.
The hardest part of this job was sourcing the nineties-appropriate pieces.
“Any thoughts on after?” Ro wondered.
“Not yet.” I grabbed a fry. “I’ve got another Sultry Stitches order, so that’ll keep me busy. But I should probably start putting my feelers out for another long-term project. What about you?”
“Just remind me not to pick up another job on a horror flick,” she said, fighting off a shiver. “Ugh. I need to win the lottery so I can just keep directing my own indie projects.”
“Can’t handle the ghosts?” I teased.
“No, I can’t handle some of the weird-ass shenanigans in the script,” she said. “And I’m a pretty open-minded person.” Her phone rang on the table. We both glanced down at it .
“Brenna?” I said. Why would Brenna be reaching out to Ro?
“Weird,” Ro said, picking it up and answering it.
“Hey, girl. What’s up? How’ve you been?” Ro’s brows knitted together in the center of her forehead and she stared at me, looking puzzled.
Then her hand shot out, almost crushing the bones in my wrist as she clamped onto it. “Shut up! If you’re fucking with me…”
“What?” I whispered. I didn’t know if I should be excited or concerned.
“She’s calling on Finn’s behalf,” Ro hissed at me, covering the speaker. “They’ve got a film for me to direct. The next Hart of Gold project!” Ro’s face lit up like a kid at Christmas.
My stomach flipped strangely. It felt like forever ago that I’d cemented that deal with Finn, lining up a shot for Ro to make her mainstream directorial debut in exchange for my participation in the fake engagement.
After the way things ended between us, I’d never expected him to honor that deal. Now I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely trying to make Ro’s dream come true or if he was simply trying to tick off this last obligation required to remove me from his life.
My phone vibrated, and I tugged it free of my pocket to find a text from Finn. My heart dropped into my stomach. I hadn’t seen his name flash across my screen in two months. My hand shook as I opened the message.
Hey , it read. I’m sure Brenna’s delivered the good news to Ro. I would have called myself, but she’s blocked me.
Surprise filled me, and I reread the sentence again. I hadn’t realized Ro had done that. I hadn’t even gotten around to blocking him yet. She really was the world’s best friend. Finn was typing again, my eyes drawn to the three blinking dots .
Anyway, I know it wasn’t officially part of our deal, but I hope you’ll be a part of the new project, too. I know how badly you want to costume a movie under Ro’s direction.
My breath caught. Was he actually offering me another job?
And not just for any movie, but Ro’s movie?
That had always been our dream. Working on the same productions was fine, but working with each other creatively, bringing her vision to life, that was something we’d both wanted since we came to LA.
I was immediately torn by the offer. Working with Ro? Hell yes. But working for Hart of Gold again, risking running into Finn at any moment? I couldn’t do it. It would be too hard.
And I was still too hurt, however much I pretended I was fine. The thought of being around Finn again was difficult to imagine, and I didn’t know if I could put those feelings aside long enough to work on the production.
Anger and hurt surged through me in equal measure.
I couldn’t even believe he was doing this to me.
Offer the job to Ro—sure—and keep his end of the bargain.
But keep me the hell out of it. Let me finish getting over him without all these added complications.
I scowled down at my phone as I started to reply.
Thanks for the offer, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea , I wrote.
He texted back. The job is yours. You don’t even have to interview for it this time.
Finn…
And Merle’s still hanging out in the costume shop, trying to hang on to his head.
I laughed despite myself. See? This was the problem. The way he could get to me without even trying. I was my own walking red flag. I didn’t need to borrow trouble by signing up to be around him again .
There’s a pallet of RevX in it for you.
Thought you said that stuff was going to kill me? I wrote. I couldn’t help myself.
It will…probably. But not before this next movie wraps.
I shook my head. I couldn’t do this to myself. I wanted Finn, but I just didn’t see how it could work between us. Not when he worked so hard to close himself off from anything imperfect and complicated and real.
Like Ro said, I deserved better.
I deserved more.
Did I mention it’s set in the eighties? Finn wrote. And if Ro agrees, I’m sure there’s room in the script for a bowling alley scene.
Part of me was touched he’d remembered what I’d told him all those months ago during our practice date. But I also recognized the aggressive negotiator here trying to sweeten the deal, trying to get me to dance to his tune again. And I wasn’t interested in that anymore.
I think I’m gonna pass. But I’m sure you’ll find someone great to fill the role.
And with that, I finally did block him.