Chapter 1
Aspen
Two years later
I want to die.
I remember thinking those words often, the haunting feelings grabbing onto my everyday life. I’d almost been debilitated by them, but I’d fought through the wretched moments, relying on an inner strength I hadn’t known I had. Now everything was different.
But it was far more dangerous, at least to my heart.
Darkness surrounded me, clawing at my insides like a demon brought up from the bowels of hell, prepared to drag me into the fires of purgatory for my filthy sins.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
I almost laughed but stifled the sound as I huddled in the intense shadows, barely taking shallow breaths in an attempt to keep my location hidden. My mind reeled with dirty images, picture after picture of the hunger that I’d succumbed to.
And the man responsible.
He was larger than life, his six-foot four-inch body teeming with sculpted muscles, his eyes always burning into mine when he looked at me from across a room. There was never any doubt what he desired.
To taste me.
To stroke me.
To fuck me.
To consume me.
I shuddered from the sensations coursing through every inch of my body.
I longed for his touch, the searing of my skin from the lightest brush of his fingers.
But I remained in the darkness, refusing to give in.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that my choices weren’t in my best interest. They’d allowed the man to take over a good portion of my life.
As well as my mind.
He was dominating in every way, refusing to allow me to object to anything he craved. While I’d tried to ignore the powerful vibrations, electricity crackling into my bones, I’d failed. He was the only thing that could ease the pain.
Even though he required full submission, inflicting his own brand of anguish when he felt necessary. I remained captivated by his prowess, his ability to control anyone at any time. But like a moth to a flame, one day the fire would eat through our flesh.
I heard footsteps and hunkered close to the wall, folding my arms over my knees. He was coming.
Him.
The man I couldn’t resist.
And he would take me again and again, just like he’d promised.
I bit my lower lip when he seemed to be coming closer. Then there was nothing but silence.
“Come out, my sweet kitten, or you will face the consequences.” His husky voice covered me with goosebumps, the smooth velvety tone rich with the promise of punishment.
A part of me wanted to give in, to expose where I’d been hiding for the last several minutes, but the deep emotional need was only a part of the reason I didn’t act on the requirements.
He craved the cat and mouse and lived for the moments of freedom, free from the demons he’d lived with for years.
Free from the agony coursing through him like a tidal wave.
Only I could give him that freedom.
But it came at a hefty price.
My very soul.
I sucked in my breath when I heard the creaking of a floorboard, the only one in the beautiful estate that ever did. He was close. Far too close. He was going to find me and when he did, there would be hell to pay.
I’d disobeyed him. I’d run away from his commands.
I’d violated his trust.
And I was going to face harsh punishment.
Closing my eyes, I envisioned the first day I’d met him, the moment when I knew my life had changed forever.
Only I hadn’t known it then. I’d pretended as if I wasn’t drawn to him, as if I didn’t need him as much as I needed to breathe.
The day seemed so long ago, only it had been little more than five weeks. Everything had changed.
Everything…
I heard his frustration grow in the growls pushing up from the depths of his being. They permeated the room in continuous echoes.
Then I heard several crashing sounds and covered my ears, fighting a yelp threatening to give me away. He hated being denied anything. The man had no patience, no method of controlling his anger.
With one exception.
Me.
He was destroying the bedroom in some crazy effort to find me, although I knew his demons were pushing him to do so. I took several deep breaths, shaking like a leaf, wiggling my handcuffed hands in front of me. I could swear they made a sound, enough so to indicate where I was hiding.
The noise suddenly ceased.
Then there were more footsteps and another hesitation before he threw open the closet door. He remained standing outside, not even turning on the light. He craved the darkness as much as I did, preferring the protection and comfort of night to any glorious sun-filled day.
“You’ve been a very bad kitty,” he whispered, his breathing ragged.
I slunk back even further, even though I knew it was no use.
“I will give you five seconds to crawl to me or your punishment will be much worse.”
How many times had I heard the same statement? How many times had I pushed hard against him, uncaring about what I might face? Too many. I wrung my hands together, trying to control my emotions and the hard shakes.
“Five.”
I leaned my head against the wall, dragging my tongue across my lips. I could still taste his cum and his scent covered every inch of my naked body. My pussy ached to have his cock inside, my bottom still burning from the last spanking he’d given me. I remained where I was, defiant as ever.
“Four.” His voice never rose, but the tone was even darker.
I bit back another whimper, debating what I could do. I had few options. After all, I belonged to him.
“Three. I can see you’ve decided to be very naughty today, my love. I obviously haven’t trained you very well.”
Love.
There was no concept of love. He’d never issued the words, nor had I expected him to. Our relationship wasn’t about commitment in the same sense as everyone else. Devotion was something else. He was as devoted to me as I was to him.
As long as I obeyed.
My legs ached, my heart hammering hard against my chest. He won’t break you.
He will never break you. My inner voice was constantly nagging me, but she would never win the fight.
He would. He always would. For a few seconds, I was pulled into a previous life, the moment when my entire world changed, a real monster taking what didn’t belong to him.
And I’d been far too weak to respond or to push him away.
This was something entirely different. But then again, was it? I hadn’t been given a choice. Not by the man or by my body. It had betrayed me from day one, accepting the ugliness furrowing inside of him, pining away for his intense passion when we weren’t together. He was everything to me.
“Two. Tsk. Tsk. You are a very bad girl tonight. I can see you’re going to need a very harsh punishment.”
One second left. One second to decide on my own whether I would give him exactly what he wanted. One second to break away from his hold.
And I couldn’t do it.
“One.” He reached inside the closet, his massive hand wrapping around my wrist. As he pulled me out and onto my feet, the amber glow in the room allowed me to see the burning hunger in his eyes.
They pierced through me like a knife, cutting into my heart and soul.
He slid his other hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place as he took several steps away from the closet, dragging me with him.
I was trembling all over, darting my eyes back and forth. His scent was even more intoxicating, pulling me into the same vacuum that always left me spinning, desperate for him.
He smoothed down my hair, taking his time to tangle his fingers in my long strands, shaking his head back and forth very slowly.
His cock was rock hard, throbbing as he pressed it into my stomach.
He was so handsome, his chiseled features only adding to his powerful aura.
“What am I going to do with you, Aspen? My sweet, beautiful kitten.”
“I…”
“Ssshhh… No need to answer. You know exactly what I must do. Don’t you, my love?”
I nodded, a cold chill slithering down my spine.
“Now, you’re going to be a very good girl while I prepare to discipline you. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir.” Respect. I’d learned about respect early on, his need to assert authority always in the forefront of his mind. Tonight wasn’t the time to fight him any longer. Not if I wanted sweet bliss.
I was almost desperate for his touch, and he always seemed to know what I needed. He slid his hand down my arm, moving his fingers past the handcuffs, flicking the tip of one back and forth across my nipple. I was shaking to the core, no longer able to feel my legs.
“So gorgeous. You’re just perfect in every way,” he whispered as he swirled his finger several times before pinching my hardened bud between his thumb and forefinger. “I think you’d look incredible with your nipples pierced. Don’t you?”
“Yes, sir.” The pain was biting, but almost instantly rolled into the extreme pleasure I craved.
I closed my eyes, mewing as he twisted harder before moving to my other breast and repeating the action.
This was only a taste, a mere morsel of what I craved, and he knew it.
He was making me wait until the round of discipline was completed.
I wasn’t certain I could wait that long.
“I think that’s what we’ll do this weekend.
” When he shifted his hand down my stomach, sliding his fingers between my legs, I was no longer able to hold back a ragged moan.
“You’re wet. Very wet in fact. Maybe we’ll have your clit pierced as well.
” He chuckled darkly as he rolled his finger around my clit several times, finally pinching the tender tissue as he’d done with my nipples.
The following wave of anguish was brief but beautiful. The scent of my raging desire wafted between us, another telling of our mortal sin. I would never be able to break free from his spell.
Never.