Chapter Thirty-Five
Rosalia
The words on my laptop blurred before me. I reread the email, but the outcome doesn’t change: “Due to the high volume of submissions, the Small Business Administration has a longer than usual turnaround time for reviewing applications.”
I can’t expect an answer from the SBA for at least another month, leaving me adrift when my lease ends. I’m sunk because below that email is the denial for the grant I applied for. Without those two and no banks returning my calls, I’m dead in the water.
My lungs forget their rhythm, stuttering between breaths as if the very mechanics of living require conscious effort. The walls of my future are slowly closing in, leaving no path forward and nowhere to turn.
Another email appears on the left sidebar. My mom’s name is in bold on the address line, and it is a virtual hug. I glance around the bookstore. No one seems to need help, so I click on the message.
Subject: Surprise!
From: [email protected]
Hi Honey!
You seemed so down about your store last time we talked, and it broke my heart, but I have fantastic news for you!
I updated your resume and sent it to a few of the schools looking for librarians.
Three of them in Ann Arbor would love to interview you AND are willing to do it virtually.
I’ve attached information about each of the schools.
They’re waiting for your reply to set up a time.
Call me when you get a chance so we can talk about the schools and maybe practice your interviews.
Love,
Mom
I slam my laptop shut. “Are you freaking kidding me?”
“What’s wrong?”
I nearly topple off my stool, my heart jumping to hide in my throat. Paige and Noah stand at my counter, each wearing concerned expressions. “I’m having the worst week ever. And it’s only Tuesday.” My voice cracks, choking on the weight of my bookstore’s future.
I’m pouring my heart and soul into my shop and programs, but for what? I’m not sure I can do what Thorne expects of me. Finding a glimmer of hope amidst the gathering darkness isn’t possible.
Paige comes around the counter and hugs me. The lump in my throat dissolves into a sob. “Let’s step into the alley. You can tell me what’s going on,” she says.
I shake my head, looking to the ceiling so my tears won’t fall. “I can’t. My customers.”
“Noah can keep an eye on things,” Paige suggests.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Go ahead,” he replies quickly, shooing us away.
Despite my crappy mood, I nearly smile. Noah’s tone says he’ll do anything to create distance between himself and my breakdown.
I let Paige maneuver me to the store’s alley because a sobbing shop owner probably isn’t a good business look.
The rough brick wall scrapes against my back as I slump against it.
The sensation grounds me. The distant sounds of traffic and pedestrian chatter drift between the buildings, a reminder of the world carrying on despite my personal struggles.
“I take it the SBA meeting didn’t go well,” Paige says.
My head drops between my slumped shoulders. “No, it didn’t. I’m told, given their limited resources and funding, they have to prioritize and help the business with the greatest need and impact on the state.” I frown. “I guess books and reading aren’t important.”
“What about—”
“Please don’t mention the grants. Or my attempt at crowdfunding.”
Paige tilts her head. “You tried crowdfunding?”
I look at my hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Granted, I had no idea how to run one, but the amount I’ve made from it is too embarrassing to tell even my friend.
“Oh,” she mutters. “Okay. Well, damn.”
I’ve run out of all my other options except one.
Hurting Sebastian.
I swallow hard and look away. “Did I tell you, a few days ago, I tracked down that real estate developer who renovated the old factory buildings on River Street?”
Paige shakes her head .
“I begged him to consider letting me take a corner space with deferred payments for the first six months. He laughed and said he’s already got three corporate clients bidding on every square foot.”
I press my palms against my eyes, but it doesn’t stop the tears. “Then I went full desperate and called my two friends from Michigan last night.”
“The sisters whose family owns the Hayek Department Stores?” she asks.
“Yes, Abigail and Evelyn. They’ve always said they’d back me if I needed it. Turns out their retail division is fighting for survival right now with all the mall closures. The family is liquidating locations and pulling back all investments to shore up their core business.”
I tug roughly on my ponytail. “Evelyn was devastated to tell me. Their lenders have put restrictions on any new investments as part of their refinancing. The timing couldn’t be worse.”
“God, that’s awful,” Paige whispers, her eyes filled with concern.
My voice breaks. “Both Abigail and Evelyn offered their personal money, but I can’t take it. Evelyn is expecting her first child, and she works for her family’s business, so she’s caught in that retail apocalypse. And Abigail is opening her second flower shop and planning her wedding.”
I refuse to drag them down with me when they’ve got their own families and dreams to protect. I’d rather lose everything than be the reason my pregnant friend has to cut corners or Abigail has to abandon her expansion.
Swiping away my tears, I look at Paige. “I even humiliated myself at the bank this morning. Went in person to the loan officer who helped me with my initial startup loan, since he wouldn’t return any of my calls.
I brought five years of projections, customer testimonials, everything.
But he wouldn’t even look me in the eye.
” I laugh bitterly. “Just slid a business card across the desk for a company that specializes in ‘retail liquidation services’ and suggested I call them before my inventory depreciates further.”
The silence stretches between us as the reality sinks in.
Each denial strips away another layer of possibility until the brutal truth becomes clear: all my scrambling for loans and new locations is just delaying the inevitable choice.
Keep my store by betraying Sebastian, or lose everything to protect him.
The comfortable middle path I’ve been desperately searching for is vanishing with every rejection.
“Everything I’m losing keeps flashing through my mind like a cruel slideshow,” I sob.
“Not merely books and shelves, but everything they represent. The weekly storytime where that shy little girl finally found her voice. The teen book club that gave those awkward high schoolers somewhere to belong on Friday nights.”
“Rosalia…” Paige opens her arms and I fall into them, crying harder.
“All these lives touched, all these connections made, will vanish because I couldn’t find a way to keep the lights on.
And all my plans for expanding our community outreach, like the adult literacy program I’ve been developing and the author series for local writers, will never even get off the ground. ”
Thorne’s bargain hangs over me like a guillotine blade: betray Sebastian or lose everything.
The savage calculation of it claws at my insides.
I found the one person who has made me feel like myself again for the first time in years, and his brother has turned him into either my destruction or my salvation. What kind of choice is that?
I suck in deep breaths through my mouth and let them out through my nose. I count to twenty, then leash in most of my wild emotions. I step away from Paige, wiping my knuckles along my eyelids, I ask, “Do I have raccoon tracks and boogers?”
Paige reaches behind her, sets a box of tissues on her lap, and removes one. “When did you get those?” I choke-laugh.
“Noah handed them to me from under your counter before we headed back here.” She wipes my cheeks and under my bottom lashes. “Your eyes are a little red, but no sad snot.”
I steady myself. “Thanks for letting me get that out. I feel better.”
“What are you going to do?”
Everything within me droops. I grip the railing and force myself to stand straight.
“I’m going inside to see if my customers need any help.
Then, after closing, I’m going to have another good cry while I decide my last option—Thorne’s deal.
” I push open the back door and step inside the storage room .
Paige follows, her footsteps quick behind me.
“Hey,” she says, catching my arm gently before we reach the main floor. Her voice drops lower, more serious than I’ve heard it in weeks. “I could take out a loan to help—”
“No,” I shake my head violently.
Before she can argue, Noah appears around a bookshelf and nearly runs us over in his hurry. His eyes are wide, his skin paler than usual. “Is everything okay?” Paige asks.
He looks at me. “So, after the balloon race, when I asked you out to dinner—”
“Oh, did you now?” Paige’s tone is full of amusement.
Ignoring her, Noah continues, “And you told me you’d just started seeing someone…”
I nod.
“Is it, by chance, Sebastian Blackstone?”
My heart skips. “Yes. Why are you asking?”
His eyes manage to widen further. “ He’s the man you’re dating.” He swivels to Paige. “And why didn’t you mention it?”
She shrugs and laughs. “Why would I? It’s not like you told me your plans to ask out my bestie.”
“Well, it wasn’t my plan when I drove here for a visit. But, look at her.” He points in my direction. “She’s hot. And fun to talk with. And—”
“And lives in Kentucky,” Paige retorts.
“I visit.”
“Not often.”
“I would—”
“Hi, um,” I interrupt, moving around the arguing siblings. “Could we get back on topic? What has you asking about Sebastian?” I ask Noah.
Noah points toward the direction of the counter. “He’s here, asking for you.”
Sebastian is here . Why? He should be at his distillery. We aren’t supposed to see each other until the derby party. Shame burns through me. How can I look him in the eye knowing what I’m considering?
I inhale deeply and press my palms flat against my thighs to keep them steady. “Thanks. I’d better see what he needs.”
Noah nods. “Right. Um, we should probably get going then. I need to swing by my parents’ house before I get on the road.”
Paige’s lips twitch. “Are you afraid of the big, bad Mr. Blackstone?”
“Absolutely,” he says without hesitation.
I almost smile at their antics. “I’ll walk you out,” I say.
Paige hugs me. “Don’t worry about it. Talk to your man or whatever Sebastian is to you. And call me if you need anything, okay?”
I manage a grateful smile. “Thanks, Paige. And have a safe trip, Noah.”
Wiping my face one last time, I step from behind the shelves with them. The words die in my throat as I catch sight of Sebastian standing near the counter, his tall frame silhouetted against the late afternoon sun streaming through the front windows.
His eyes lock with mine, then flick to Noah beside me. Something dark and possessive flashes across his face. It’s the unmistakable jealousy at seeing another man by my side. His wanting me as his might have thrilled me an hour ago, but now it’s a noose of guilt wrapping around me.
He stalks toward us, then slows and his brow furrows. “Are you okay?” he asks.
The concern in his question guts me. This is the man I’ll have to betray to have my dream. How can I even consider using what we have against him?