Chapter 25
I NURSE MY lukewarm chardonnay and sink into the green velvet sofa, the crystals of the chandelier above me catching in the dancing flames from the fireplace.
We’re in my favourite sitting room in the manor, the one with the gilded mirror that looks like it could be a portal to a secret land and the tapestry of rearing horses, and the drinks are flowing.
My nieces are setting up tonight’s Clovedale viewing with Mum and Aunt Carol, while Dad and Uncle Max snooze in the plush armchairs, their snores rattling the windows.
‘Today’s video post is blowing up,’ Natalia says. ‘Look at these comments. Everyone thinks you’re adorable,’ she says with a wave of her phone at Adam. ‘It’s the one of us dancing. Didn’t I say you’d be a hit online?’
Colour floods Adam’s cheeks as he stares at the stack of books on the coffee table. Reese hovers behind Natalia, demanding that she play the video.
‘Adam, I think you need some dance lessons,’ Tommy says, holding back a laugh as he peers over Natalia’s shoulder.
Adam’s cheeks grow a deeper shade of red. ‘That was a one-off.’
‘We almost got Riley to dance,’ Reese says, a shimmer of sadness flickering across her face when she settles onto one of the sofas.
‘You’ve got your hands full with her,’ Tommy says. ‘Be careful, she might become an emotional monster like her aunt.’ The wink he throws me does nothing to soften his jab.
My jaw clenches as I brace myself for an onslaught of jokes at my expense. After a day spent battling my warring emotions with Adam, I don’t have the energy to smile and pretend their words aren’t knives.
‘I don’t think there’s anything wrong with showing emotion,’ Adam says.
I meet Adam’s eyes across the snaking shadows of the room. I don’t know why he’s being so kind after the way I behaved this afternoon. Those monstrous emotions of mine must be giving him whiplash and yet here he is defending them.
‘If you have any tips on how to handle it, I’m all ears,’ Gabi says.
Adam stretches his legs in front of him. ‘It’s not something you need to handle. It’s something that you should admire about her.’ His gaze is still fixed on me.
I force down a mouthful of chardonnay and blink rapidly, keeping tears at bay.
‘Keep this one,’ Gabi says. ‘You need someone grounded like him. Maybe with his influence you’ll start taking life seriously.’
My shoulders tense. I’ve heard this a hundred times before, and maybe it was warranted when I dropped out of university or flitted between jobs, but not anymore.
With Adam watching me, I feel a new confidence. ‘I do take life seriously,’ I say. ‘I run my own business, don’t I?’
Gabi rolls her eyes. ‘Which Mum and Dad funded. And you’re a long way off paying them back. And how long is this business going to last? You change your mind so often. Remember when you wanted to be a nurse?’
I made one comment about being a nurse and that’s only because I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and thought working in a hospital would lead to finding the love of my life in a pair of scrubs.
‘Was that before or after she wanted to be a fashion designer?’ Tommy chimes in.
‘Fashion designer came after the fleeting thought she had about being a lawyer,’ Gabi says.
‘I never wanted to be a lawyer,’ I say. Damn, I’d hoped she’d forgotten my very brief aspirations to be one.
‘Yes, you did. It was when you were working at the deli and almost got sacked for being late all the time,’ Gabi says.
‘I remember that,’ Tommy says. ‘Uncle Paul had to talk Mr Winters out of it.’
‘No,’ I say. ‘I talked Mr Winters around. He said my argument was sound and that I should try out for the debate team.’ And that was when I had the fleeting thought that a career in law might be for me.
‘And how’d that go?’ Gabi asks.
‘Well, I didn’t try out in the end because it would’ve taken up too much time.
’ Truthfully, I didn’t try out because debating was Gabi’s thing and she was revered by the other schools for her ability to walk in as third speaker and snatch victory without breaking a sweat.
There was no way I’d put myself in a situation where I’d be judged against her, which is why I also shut the door very quickly on a career in law. That and my marks were awful.
‘I was in the debate team at school,’ Reese says with an annoyed look at her wife. Or maybe I’m projecting. ‘I don’t think we ever won a debate though.’
Gabi straightens her shoulders. ‘We were undefeated.’ She then launches into a self-indulgent trip down memory lane. I excuse myself with a feeble offer to get a round of drinks.
I slip away down the hallway, where antique side tables are adorned with flower arrangements and flickering candles.
At the open doorway, I slow my steps and tiptoe past the sitting room where Mum and Aunt Carol are discussing their post-viewing questions.
The faint scent of aged wood follows me up the winding staircase to the bedroom that would’ve been mine if I’d come without Adam.
The iron hinges of the door squeak as I push it open and step into what feels like a cosy fairytale.
The slanted ceiling is low, its timber beams weathered.
I sit on the single bed feeling exhausted.
The door hinges squeak again and Adam steps through, ducking slightly to avoid hitting his head.
‘Don’t say it,’ I whisper.
‘You lose your voice around them.’
‘I told you not to say it.’
He shrugs and the bed sags as he sits beside me. ‘I ignored you.’
I swing my feet, smacking them into the bed frame.
‘You would’ve made a great debater,’ he says.
‘I don’t need your pity.’
‘A compliment isn’t pity.’
My feet thud against the frame so hard it shakes the bed.
‘Sabrina, you convinced me to have dinner with your parents. Trust me, that took the bargaining skill of a star debater.’
A scoff escapes my throat. ‘I’m fairly certain you saw the sheer desperation seeping out of my bones and decided to grant me a favour.’
‘Do I seem like someone who would just do you a favour?
I turn to face him and chew on my bottom lip as I pretend to think it through. ‘No, you do not.’
‘Exactly. I’m not a favours type of guy.’
‘And I gave in to what you wanted.’
He grins and my heart stutters. ‘I really wanted that parking spot,’ he says.
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘For sticking up for me back there. I guess it shows that underneath the grumpy exterior, there is a heart.’ I squint at him. ‘Really deep down.’
He laughs. ‘I told you, I’m only grumpy around you.’
‘Because we both make the other want to kick a chair,’ I say with a small smile. ‘At the farm—’ I start and he braces as though readying himself for a repeat of our conversation among the trees. ‘Before we sat down to eat, you gave something to my dad.’
He nods. ‘A leaf.’
‘A leaf?’
‘I’ve been collecting them on my runs. He said today’s find was from a crack willow.’ He rubs a thumb over his watch.
‘You do that a lot. Touch your watch,’ I say with a nod at it.
He glances down at his wrist, a wistful look on his face. ‘It was my grandfather’s.’
‘It’s nice,’ I whisper. I reach over and touch the gold band. Heart pounding, I let my fingers drift to his hand. A moment that is no more than a heartbeat. A heartbeat that feels like it lasts an eternity. An eternity that crackles with electricity and longing.
His gaze darts to my lips, lingering for so long that heat floods my body and I press my palms into the bed beneath me.
The furrowed brow he wore while we danced returns to his face.
The one that looks like he’s solving a complicated puzzle.
The unsolved puzzle doesn’t stop him from tilting his head.
From moving closer, his breath on my skin.
His ocean-coloured eyes stare deep into mine, and I know that one more breath and I’ll surrender.
‘Sabrina! Adam!’
We spring apart as Mum’s voice travels through the manor like a ghost haunting its halls. ‘We’re ready to start the next episode,’ she shouts.
My mother!