Chapter 35
‘I WON’T LET this book see the light of day,’ Gabi says and drains the last of her whisky.
Adam was gone when we returned to the manor and his absence hung over our final dinner.
Mum and Aunt Carol sent disappointed looks my way throughout the entire meal.
Not even the presence of Callie Colbett—who I think only accepted the dinner invitation in case Mum’s assurances that she’ll have a say in casting the movie that will never happen turn out to be true—could lift the mood.
‘You’ve brought some losers around before Sabrina, but this one takes the cake,’ Gabi says.
‘Gabi!’ Mum scolds. ‘Adam is not a loser.’
Tommy and Uncle Max bicker out on the lawn where they’re attempting to play croquet with Natalia and Bill.
Everyone was in too much of a flurry after Adam arrived at the garden party that we never got around to playing a game and when Bill suggested a game after dinner, they jumped at the chance.
Dad and Amelia went for a walk instead. And Aunt Carol is having a lie down because, even though she learned that Adam did not have violent diarrhea, she is convinced she’s picked up the bug.
My sister slams her empty glass on the table. ‘He’s planning to spill our secrets to the world.’
‘We don’t have secrets in this family,’ Mum says. She pulls her shawl tight around her shoulders.
Riley snorts and while it’s the only contribution she’s made to the events of the day, it’s enough to make Gabi pour another whisky and Reese lower her head. I reach for Reese’s hand and squeeze it under the table.
‘We do,’ she whispers. ‘Have secrets.’
Gabi stares at her wife, the colour draining from her face. ‘Reese,’ she warns.
‘No, Gabi. I’m tired of pretending.’ Reese slides her arm around Riley. ‘Gabi and I have separated. We were waiting to tell Amelia and all of you till after this trip.’
Mum gasps, clutching at her heart dramatically.
‘We’re just talking about separating,’ Gabi says.
‘You sleep in different rooms,’ Riley mutters. ‘Or you stay in the city.’ She throws an accusatory glare at Gabi.
Riley’s sullenness falls into place. The poor kid’s world is crumbling around her and she had to be here pretending it wasn’t.
‘This won’t do,’ Mum says. ‘We’ll talk this through and fix it. The two of you made a commitment to each other and your daughters.’
‘This is between me and Reese. This isn’t a Fogerty family discussion. Especially with her here,’ Gabi says, jerking her head towards Callie, who sits wide-eyed, sipping her champagne.
‘Now both my daughters are being rude to Clementine and throwing away their relationships like they mean nothing,’ Mum says.
‘Maybe I should go.’ Callie pushes her chair away from the table.
‘Nonsense. If you’re going to play Sabrina in the movie then this is good preparation.’
I gape at Mum. There’s not going to be a movie. Or a book. And this stranger shouldn’t be here listening to this private conversation. I’ve had too many people take notes on me already.
‘We’re not throwing away our relationship, Dianne,’ Reese says. ‘This has been years coming and would’ve happened sooner if…’ she trails off, biting down on her lip.
‘If I hadn’t been sick?’ Mum nods briskly, her lips a tense line. ‘Right, so you stayed together for me, but now you’re giving up.’
‘It’s not a matter of giving up.’ Reese’s voice rises, anger bubbling in her words. ‘We’ve tried. We went to counselling and things got better for a bit before…well, before they stopped getting better. Riley,’ she adds softly. ‘You don’t have to sit here for this. Go find Grandpa and Amelia.’
Riley stands, squeezing Reese’s shoulder and throwing a glare at Gabi before she skulks away.
‘Just say it, Reese. This is my fault. It’s always my fault,’ Gabi spits out.
Reese sighs. ‘It’s not a matter of fault.
It’s a matter of effort and you don’t put enough in.
Work comes first and the kids and I are a distant second.
And when you tell me you want another child, what you mean is you want me to keep my career on the backburner while I stay home and run the family.
I love our girls, Gabi, but I also need something that is mine. ’
‘Oh, you’re planning to adopt again?’ Mum asks. ‘That’s wonderful.’
‘So you want me to give up everything I’ve worked for and stay home instead?’ Gabi asks, ignoring Mum. ‘I’m this close to making partner, Reese. I can’t give that up.’
‘And I’m not asking you to. But I’m also not going to stay knowing you care more about your career than your family.’ Reese’s hand trembles and I squeeze it tighter.
‘Gabi doesn’t care more about her career than you,’ Mum says. ‘Tell her, Gabi. Tell her that your family is the most important thing to you.’
‘I’m sorry that I’m passionate about what I do and strive for success and I’m not more like Sabrina, who—’
‘We’re not turning this into a pick-on-Sabrina moment,’ I cut in.
‘We’re done with those moments full stop.
’ The words are out of me before I know what’s happening and I immediately think of Adam, wishing he was here to witness me standing up for myself.
I quickly tamp down that feeling with a gulp of merlot.
‘I wasn’t going to pick on you,’ Gabi says.
‘That would be a first,’ I reply.
‘We pick on each other. That’s what sisters do.’
‘No,’ I say. ‘You pick on me. And I sit there and take it.’
Gabi’s fingers tighten around her glass.
‘It’s always been that way,’ I continue.
‘And I just accept it and don’t say anything because it’ll disrupt the dynamics of this family.
You and Tommy are the successful Fogertys and I’m just here to keep you all entertained with my failures.
You have zero respect for me, Gabi, and you showed that by sneaking those clauses into the contract.
I bet you had a big laugh about it too.’
‘Sabrina,’ Mum starts, but she stops when Gabi jumps to her feet and storms off.
‘I’ll go,’ I say when both Mum and Reese move to follow her. I slip away, leaving Mum simultaneously apologising to Callie and urging Reese not to give up on Gabi.
‘Gabi! Come back here,’ I shout at her back. ‘We’re not done.’
She stomps through the grass, arms swinging wildly, her angry gait filling me with anxiety.
I’m not sure I have the endurance to go head-to-head with her.
But this conversation is long overdue so I follow her down to the lake.
By the time I join her on the jetty Gabi’s sitting next to the pile of stones Amelia collected so Tommy could teach her how to skim them across the lake.
She is now calmly throwing them one by one into the murky water.
‘I don’t think you’re a failure,’ she mumbles. ‘I’m actually envious.’
‘Of me?’ I choke out as I sit down beside her and drop my legs over the edge.
‘You just seem to have it so easy.’
‘Easy?’ I splutter. ‘I’ve spent my life living in your shadow.
Do you have any idea how hard that is? The teachers at school would all tell me how great you and Tommy were and I barely scraped through.
And then you ace it at university and have the career you want while I drop out of uni and land an office job I hated.
You marry the love of your life and adopt two amazing kids and I date losers and then make up a boyfriend who ends up turning us all into characters in a romantic comedy. What about my life is easy?’
‘Well, when you put it that way…’ she trails off with a grimace.
‘I don’t mean all the things I say to you.
I guess, I just, I don’t know,’ she sighs.
‘You may have lived in my shadow at school but sometimes it felt like I lived in yours at home. Mum and Dad always lavished so much praise on you and I was invisible. Pointing at you when you made a mistake made me feel seen. As messed up as that is.’ She sighs again.
‘How did things get like this between us?’
‘I don’t know,’ I murmur.
She tosses another stone into the lake. ‘I’m losing my family,’ she whispers.
I sigh and smooth my skirt over my legs. ‘Maybe. But you could fight to keep them.’
‘I don’t think I know how. I can stand in front of a judge and fight for my clients, but for myself? Where do I start?’
‘Show Reese that your family is number one and that your career comes second. If that’s what you want,’ I add.
‘But if it’s not, if your career is what you’re truly passionate about in life then maybe the separation is the right choice.
You all deserve to be happy. You just need to work out what that looks like. ’
Gabi looks intently at me. ‘When did you get so wise?’
‘I’ve always been wise. You just never saw it.’
She laughs and nudges her shoulder against mine. ‘I really am sorry. And it may not mean much coming from me, but I am proud of you for opening your cafe. You took a risk and that’s really brave. It might’ve fed my envy of you a little.’
I wait for her to go on.
‘I wanted to open my own practice for a while,’ she eventually offers.
‘Years ago. I never told anyone, not even Reese. And I got as far as looking at office spaces but then we started talking about adoption and I was making really good money so I just thought it made more sense to stay where I was. So when you walked away from your job and opened A Cup of Joy, I guess I resented you. And when Dad just handed you the money for it, well…he never did that for me. I’ve had to work for everything I’ve got and you just had it fall into your lap. ’
‘Do you think I liked getting a handout? I would’ve loved to have done it all on my own, but I couldn’t and when Mum was sick and I told him about wanting my own cafe, he said I should do it.
Life is short. It’s the new Fogerty family motto, isn’t it?
’ I pick up my own stone and hurl it into the water.
‘You should’ve told us you wanted to open your own practice.
We would’ve helped any way we could. Mum for sure would’ve put her hand up to run your office. ’
Gabi spits out a laugh. ‘Could you imagine the two of us working together? I haven’t forgotten how she tried to help you at your opening weekend. She was dishing out more unwanted advice than coffees she served.’
‘She truly does mean well but, geez, she’s pushy.
’ My laughter joins Gabi’s and we lean against each other.
I half-expect her to pull away and put that distance back between us.
When she doesn’t, I relax into her shoulder, allowing the moment to sink in.
Gabi and I have never been huggers. This might be the first step to changing that.
‘Pushy, bossy, persistent. But in a way that is so bloody endearing you can’t get mad at her.
You know I’m living in her dream house, don’t you?
I wanted something modern and close to the city, but she worked her Dianne magic and convinced me I wanted a big house in the outer suburbs with a giant yard for a dog I don’t want but I’m sure I’ll be talked into getting. ’
‘She named my cafe. I wanted to call it Midnight Mocha. She talked me around so many twists and turns that I got all confused and ended up thinking A Cup of Joy was my idea and then that was it.’
‘Do we sound a little ungrateful?’ Gabi asks.
‘A little?’ I pick up another one of Gabi’s stones and toss it into the lake. ‘Maybe we should tell Mum to adopt Callie so she can pour all her energy into someone else.’
‘I googled her and beyond a failed stint as a pop star and an appearance on a reality show, she hasn’t done much so maybe we can hire her to be Clementine forever and make all of Mum’s dreams come true.’
‘Let’s do it.’
We fall silent, the peace punctured only by the sounds of the stones we toss into the lake.
It feels nice to sit here with my sister and not have that pinch in my shoulders as I wait for her next jibe.
If I had just spoken up earlier we might’ve reached this moment sooner.
Or it could’ve resulted in an all-out war.
Maybe we both needed to hit a low point so we could be completely open with one another.
When we run out of stones, we look at each other.
‘Should we go back?’ Gabi asks.
‘Either that or Mum will send Dad searching for us. And then someone searching for him because he’ll get distracted and lose track of time and she’ll panic that he’s lost in the woods.’
Gabi gets up and offers me her hand. I take it and let her pull me to my feet. ‘For what it’s worth, I think Adam really does care for you,’ she says.
‘Our relationship was fake.’
‘We both know that’s a lie.’ Her fingers squeeze mine.
‘He made you happy. I’ve never seen you so comfortable around someone before.
And don’t get me started on all the little things he did for you that were so sickeningly sweet it was unbearable,’ she says.
‘Sabrina, come on. He kept leaving his jacket on your chair because you never remembered to bring one even though you were always cold. And he had a hat for you when we went hiking. And all the times he stood there and listened while Dad went on and on about trees. You don’t do that unless you’re into someone. ’
‘He,’ I start before the argument dies on my tongue as all the little things flash through my mind.
He didn’t do those things because he thought I was inept at looking after myself.
He did them because…because they make people swoon.
They’ll make his readers swoon. I shake my head. ‘He kept things from me.’
‘I know, and only you can decide if that’s something you can forgive.
Just don’t throw something away because you’re scared.
You were hurt in the past and that’s hard to move beyond so I’m not going to tell you to shrug off what Adam did.
I’m only asking you to not walk away from something that could be great. ’
‘Gabi! Sabrina!’ Mum’s voice slices through the darkness. ‘We have the final episode to watch and then Callie is going to reenact a scene with us. Tommy’s setting up the camera.’
‘I guess we need to put our crumbling love lives on hold for the evening,’ Gabi says.
‘It’s Dianne’s world.’
We loop our arms together and follow the sound of Mum’s voice.