ANTONY
I’m still trying to decide if I should go home between lunch and dinner service, when a call from Ryan takes matters out of my hands. I’m secretly glad -- I’m not ready to face Erin yet.
I thought after our weekend together in New York that everything was perfect. From my point of view, it was. I had the best time. I haven’t felt so happy, so alive, so free, since the twins were born, and we still had May.
After losing my wife, I never thought I’d feel like this again.
But the look of hurt in Erin’s eyes when I told her I needed more time, and the way she ignored me this morning makes it clear we’re not on the same page, and I don’t know what to do.
I love being with her, and want to continue getting to know her, but I’m just not ready to go public yet.
I head upstairs to my brother’s office with lunch for both of us, and settle down in the chair across from Ryan.
Before tucking into the spinach and ricotta ravioli I’ve prepared for us, my brother raises a brow and asks, “Are you sleeping with Erin?”
“What … no. How could you think that?” I say, and I know I’m probably the shade of a tomato. I hope my brother believes me.
“Aaron and Elizabeth mentioned you’re around more, and that you and Erin are taking them places on your day off. They said it almost feels like they have a proper family.”
My heart sinks. This is what I was afraid of.
I know the twins love Erin, and rightly so, she’s been with them almost every day of their lives since they were nine months old.
If they even had an inkling Erin and I were together, they’d assume we’re getting married soon, and Erin will become their stepmom or something.
Before I tell Elizabeth and Aaron that we’re together, I need to be certain that this thing between Erin and I is forever. I can’t hurt the twins by doing anything that would push Erin from their lives.
When I don’t reply, Ryan goes on, “And well, with you insisting we have the twins this weekend so you could go away with the woman you’re seeing, and Erin apparently unable to look after Elizabeth and Aaron, Alicia and I put two and two together. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re not,” I confess.
Ryan gives me a smug smile in return. “I knew it.”
“Alright, don’t be an ass about it.”
Ryan smirks then asks, “So, what is this? Some fling or something more?”
My heart pounds. “Something more, I think. I haven’t felt like this, well, since May.”
My brother’s smirk turns into a genuine smile. “That’s great. I’m happy for you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months, it’s all so new. I kind of liked keeping it between the two of us.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s one reason Alicia and I kept our relationship secret. But you know, nothing stays secret around here, right? You heard about Daniel Goldman?”
Goldman is our biggest rival here in the Hamptons. He owns a resort that’s slightly bigger than ours, but doesn’t have the extras we provide, like Sebastian’s horse ranch, or the gym Joshua manages.
“No, what happened?” I ask, my chest tightening. If Ryan is bringing this up in relation to me and Erin, it can’t be good.
“He’s been having an affair with his secretary, who just so happens to be twenty years younger than he is.”
“Fuck!”
“The whole town's talking about it. Just like they did when they found out about me and Alicia. That could be you and Erin.”
“That’s different. As you said, Goldman’s secretary is twenty-years younger than he is. Plus, he’s married with kids. Erin isn’t that much younger than me, and I’m not cheating on anyone.”
Ryan shrugs. “People won’t see it like that. Alicia and I did nothing wrong, but there was still a backlash when they found out I promoted her to the manager of the second restaurant. People will say you took advantage of Erin because she’s your nanny or something.”
I heave out a breath. Ryan’s right. I’ve always feared how people in town will react when they find out Erin and I are together. That’s the other reason I don’t want to go public yet.
“I know you’re right, and it’s so much easier when it’s just between the two of us. But I don’t think Erin sees it that way. Last night when I told her I was going to pick up the twins alone, she looked so sad. I don’t want to lose her over this.”
Ryan narrows his eyes. “If she can’t accept why you want to keep your relationship secret for a while, maybe she isn’t the right person for you?”
His suggestion makes me angry. How can he say that after I just told him I haven’t felt this way since May?
“Yeah, because that worked out so well for you and Alicia,” I snap back.
“There’s no need to be rude,” Ryan replies in a calming tone. “I’m just trying to help you.”
I sigh. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just so messed up ...Why can’t life be simple?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Ryan says with a smirk, before turning serious again. “If you really think Erin is the one, talk to her. Tell her your worries. If she cares about you the way you do about her, she’ll understand.”
“I hope so.”
I don’t get a chance to speak to Erin. After talking with Ryan and having lunch, I have to head back to the kitchen to start preparing for that evening's dinner service, and then, all other thoughts are pushed out of my mind as I focus on work.
I’m not surprised when I return home at almost 2 a.m. to find Erin already in bed. Her bed. In the spare room.
I try not to be hurt. It’s reasonable she wouldn’t be waiting for me in my bed after how tense things were the last time we spoke.
Still, it would have been nice to fall asleep with her in my arms.
The following morning, I’m scheduled to take the twins to school, and come downstairs to find them at the breakfast bar, finishing their breakfast. Their packed lunches are ready, and waiting beside their backpacks, while Erin sips from a cup of coffee.
She barely pays me any attention when I enter the room, and the air crackles with tension around us.
I know I’ve hurt her feelings and need to make things right between us, but now is not the time.
I clear my throat and say, “There’s something I wanted to discuss with you. Do you think you can stop by the restaurant when I take my lunch break?”
Erin narrows her eyes. “Is this about the twins?”
“No, something else,” I reply, widening my eyes so she understands my unspoken intention.
A flush covers her face, and when she raises her hand to take another sip of coffee, I see Tiffany's bracelet around her wrist. That’s a good sign.
“Yeah, sure, I can stop by. Just text me when you’re free and I’ll be straight over,” she says, her voice softening.
I offer her a small smile, which she returns.
Things are a long way from being fixed between us, and I know I have some apologizing and explaining to do, but the fact Erin has agreed to meet me, and that she no longer seems so cold towards me is a good sign.
When the twins finish their breakfast, I say goodbye to Erin, promising to text her later.
Elizabeth and Aaron give her hugs and kisses, promising they will be good at school, and Erin says she’ll be there this afternoon to pick them up.
With one final glance at Erin, the twins and I leave the house, and I load them into the car.
As we drive across town to school, they chatter about various things.
Thanks to Erin, Elizabeth and Aaron are thriving.
She enrolled Elizabeth in an after-school soccer team, and she’s coming on leaps and bounds.
According to the coach, my daughter is destined to be the next Becky Sauerbrunn.
Aaron is making good progress in his book club, too, and Erin told me he’s already reading at a Grade One level.
“You guys like Erin, right?” I ask.
“She’s the best!” Elizabeth replies with a grin.
“Of course. Why?” Aaron asks. He’s the more cautious of the two and must sense something in my tone.
“Oh, it’s nothing. Just Uncle Ryan mentioned you told him and Aunt Alicia that me and Erin are spending more time with you.”
Aaron’s frown morphs into a smile. “Yeah, it’s great. I like her being around … I know she’s not our mom, but…”
He glances across at Elizabeth, who smiles and nods. “We love her, Daddy. We hope she’s always here to look after us.”
“I hope that too, kiddos.”
“Yay!” Elizabeth says, and then starts chattering about soccer practice again.