CAITLYN
“Ugh, I feel awful. Are you sure you don’t mind covering for me?” I ask Amber. I don’t want to take advantage of my friend-slash-business partner, especially not after she’s just looked after Bella for the weekend, but I feel like crap.
“Honestly, it’s fine. We haven’t got much going on at the kennels. I’ll check in on how the renovations are going, and then come see that you’re okay,” Amber says on the other end of the line.
“Don’t trouble yourself. I can’t even get out of bed.” I have my phone on speaker, as I lay in bed. Anything more makes my head spin and want to throw up. “And I might be contagious.”
“I’ll be careful. I’ll bring you some chicken noodle soup,” Amber insists.
“Thanks. Hopefully I can keep it down.”
When Amber ends the call, I roll onto my side, trying my best to ignore the nausea that’s been plaguing me ever since I returned from Southampton with Joshua.
At first, I thought perhaps Amber, and I had over-indulged with the wine when we had a girl’s night, but she doesn’t sound any worse for wear at all.
Now I’m worried some of the seafood Josh and I ate while we were away was dodgy or something.
Unable to fight the queasy feeling, I rush to the bathroom and throw up.
My body shakes all over as I puke into the toilet, but thankfully when I’m done -- and have brushed my teeth and washed my face -- I feel a little better. Not great, but at least well enough to sit up in bed and message Josh.
“How was dinner with your family?” I ask. I want to know it went okay, but I’m also curious if he’s gotten sick too.
Josh’s reply comes quickly. “Unusual … I told them about us. Everyone was happy apart from Ryan. Don’t worry, he’ll come round.”
My heart speeds up. Me and Josh talked about him telling his family about us while we were away, and I’m glad they know we’re together now, but it worries me that Ryan wasn’t happy.
Ryan Braddock is the oldest of Josh’s brothers, and one of the most powerful men in East Hampton.
He inherited the resort from his parents when they were killed five years ago.
Through hard work and dedication, Ryan and his brothers have made the resort into the empire it is today.
If Ryan doesn’t like me, he could easily put pressure on Joshua to end the relationship.
I know Josh said he loved me, but we haven’t even been together for two months yet -- if he was forced to choose between me and his family, I’m not sure he’d pick me.
Assuming my lack of response is due to worry, Josh sends another text. “Don’t worry about Ryan. I told him I love you, and nothing is going to come between us.”
That makes me feel a little better, and I reply, “I love you, too. I don’t want to come between you and your brothers though. I know how important they are to you.”
“You’re equally important to me,” Josh replies, before sending another message. “How are you? Did you have fun hanging out with Amber?”
“I did, but I think I might have overdone it with the wine. I feel awful this morning … unless you’re feeling sick too? Maybe the seafood at the spa was dodgy?”
“I feel fine, and the seafood was as fresh as you can get. Maybe you’ve got a virus or something. Do you want me to come over with some soup?”
“Thanks, but it’s okay. I don’t want you catching whatever I have, and Amber has already offered to come by and check on me.”
“Okay. Text me if you need anything, and I’ll call you later. Love you. XXX”
“Love you too xxx,” I reply.
Even though Josh isn’t with me, his words comfort me, and I’m slowly feeling better. Maybe it was just a bad hangover.
I get out of bed, have a shower, and I'm making some breakfast when another wave of nausea has me running to the bathroom again. My stomach churns, and I have nothing to heave up, so I just sit on the bathroom floor, shaking, until the feeling subsides.
When I feel a little better, I crawl back into bed, vowing to never drink again.
I must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing I know, a soft voice is saying, “How are you feeling, sleeping beauty?”
I slowly open my eyes to see Amber -- who has her own key to my apartment -- standing by the bed, a sympathetic smile on her face.
“Like crap. Why aren’t you suffering? You drank more than me last night.”
Amber grabs the chair at my vanity table and pulls it over to the bed. “I don’t think this is a hangover. The wine wasn’t that strong. Are you sure it’s not a virus? Or maybe you ate something bad while you were away.”
I push myself up in bed. I don’t feel sick anymore, but I’m exhausted, like I could sleep for a week. “I don’t think it’s from the trip. I checked with Josh, and he’s feeling fine.”
Amber purses her lips. “Hmm … must be a virus then. Any other symptoms?”
“Apart from feeling tired, no, I don’t think so. Must be something going around.”
“Yeah, it could be. When’s your period due? Mine always makes me feel like I’m getting the flu or something.”
I shake my head. “No, it can’t be that. I’m on the pill, and I hardly notice my periods these days. I don’t even bleed or anything. It’s great.”
“That’s good, and at least you know you’re not pregnant.”
I laugh. “Yeah, fat chance of that. David was against us having kids, which is why I went on the pill in the first place.”
Amber falls silent, her brows creasing in concentration. After a few minutes she asks, “When did you first sleep with Josh?”
“About six weeks ago. Why? I told you, I’m on the pill, I can’t be pregnant.”
“Are you sure? Six weeks ago, would have been when Mama pug had campylobacter and you had to take antibiotics. That changes the pill's effectiveness.”
My eyes widened. “Fuck! Does it? I had no idea?”
“Yeah, didn’t the doctor mention it when they wrote the prescription for the antibiotics?” Amber asks, there’s no judgment in her voice though. There probably should be. I should have known about the effects of antibiotics, but my best friend isn’t the type to rub someone’s mistakes in their face.
“Maybe they did, and I forgot. You know what I’m like sometimes.” I sigh. I always have so much going on, it’s easy to lose track sometimes.
“It could be worth taking a test, just in case. Once you know you’re not pregnant, you can focus on getting better. If it is a virus, it should work its way out of your system soon enough.”
Now that Amber has suggested the idea, I know I won’t be able to relax until I know for certain. It probably is just a virus, but until I take a pregnancy test, I’ll be driving myself crazy asking, “What if?”
“Would you mind going to the drugstore and getting a test, please?”
“Of course not,” Amber says, standing from the chair, and putting it back at the vanity table. “I’ll be as quick as I can. Do you need anything else?”
“I don’t know. Maybe ask the pharmacist if they have anything for nausea?”
“Will do,” Amber replies, then leaves the bedroom.
I hear my friend leave the apartment and heave out a breath.
I can’t actually be pregnant, can I?
No. Surely, it’s just a coincidence. I’ve got a virus. That’s all. But what if …
When I was a kid, I loved playing with baby dolls, and always imagined myself becoming a parent someday.
As an adult, David was my first serious relationship -- at one point I honestly thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him -- and he was clear from the start that he didn’t want children ever.
I was so blinded by my ‘love’ for him that I went along with anything he wanted.
It’s only since David and I broke up, and I’ve been dating Josh that I started to think about what I really wanted. Parenthood is definitely something I want, I just assumed it would be many years in the future.
A message from Josh startles me out of my thoughts.
“How are you feeling?” he asks.
“Not much better,” I reply, keeping it vague.
I don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet, there’s no point in mentioning it to Josh before I’ve even taken a test … but what if I am?
I know Josh wants children someday, but we’ve barely been dating two months. This is all so fast. And with Ryan not approving of mine and Josh’s relationship, I have no idea if Josh’s brothers will make him choose between me and them, or something.
This is such a mess.
I try not to overthink and work myself into a panic as I wait for Amber to return from the drugstore, but by the time my best friend comes back, I’m pacing my bedroom.
“Are you okay, Cait?” Amber asks, as she steps into the room carrying a plastic bag from the pharmacy.
“Yes … no … I don’t know. I’m scared, Amber. What if I am pregnant?”
“We’ll figure this out. Don’t worry, Cait, I’m with you. Whatever happens, you’ve got me.”
Hearing my best friend has my back calms me a little, and I let out a sigh.
“Okay. Give me the test.”
Amber pulls it out of the bag and hands it over. I head into the bathroom, take the test, and then set the timer on my phone for three minutes, before I sit on my bed as I wait for the results.
Amber joins me on the bed and wraps her arms around me. “Whatever happens, it will be okay. I’ll support you no matter what.”
I lay my head on Amber’s shoulder. “Thank you. I hope Josh feels the same--”
“You’re sure it’s his? I mean, if you are pregnant, there isn’t a chance it could be David’s, is there?”
A shudder all over at the thought. “No, thank God. We hadn’t had sex for a long time before we broke up. If I am pregnant, I’m certain it’s Josh’s.”
“Well, that’s something at least. And Josh will do the right thing.”
My eyes widen. “Will he?”
“He loves you. Of course, he will.”
I sit up and peer into Amber’s eyes. “I’m not so sure. He texted earlier and mentioned that Ryan isn’t happy about the two of us being together.”
“Is that all he said?” Amber presses.
“Well, no, he said he wouldn’t let anything, or anyone come between us--”
“There. You see. It will be okay. I didn’t think Joshua was the type to abandon his child.”
“What if his brothers make him choose though?”
Amber shakes her head. “He’d choose you. I’m sure of it.”
I’m about to argue when the time on my phone goes off. The results should be ready.
I’m not sure if I want them to be positive or negative.
I suck in a breath, stand from the bed, and cross the room to the bathroom, where the test waits on the top of the cistern. Hands shaking, I pick up the test, and stare down at the results.
Two lines.
I’m pregnant.
The world moves in slow motion. I feel myself fall to the floor, and then Amber rushes forward and catches me. She guides me to the bed and takes the test from my hands. I sob into my best friend’s shoulder as she looks at the results.
Amber gently strokes my hair, whispering softly, “It will be okay. Everything will be okay.”
Body shaking, and eyes filled with tears, I look up and ask, “Will it? What if Josh hates me? What if his brothers force him to break up with me?”
Amber bites her bottom lip. “I don’t know Josh like you do, but I’m sure he’s a good guy. I think he’d do the right thing. Besides, you don’t have to worry about that straight away.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re only what, six weeks along, right? They say pregnancies aren’t ‘safe’ until after the twelve-week mark. Anything could happen in the next six weeks. Maybe wait until it’s almost time for your first scan before you tell Joshua. You can use that time to win his brothers around.”
I laugh uneasily. “Yeah, that might work. Either way I’m going to need a couple of days to get over the shock. I can’t believe I’m actually pregnant.”
Amber grins and squeezes my hands. “You’re going to be the best mom.”