JOSHUA
Idon’t go to work the day following Caitlyn breaking up with me, or the day after that. In fact, I stay in bed for the whole week.
I haven’t heard from her since I went to her place, and she told me she loved David, not me. I’ve tried sending texts and making calls, but they all get rejected, as though she’s blocked my number or something.
As more time goes on, I become certain that Ryan was right.
Caitlyn never really loved me. I was just a placeholder until David came back with the right words.
She was angry, she wanted to get back at him for cheating.
But now she’s had her ‘revenge’ and he’s promised things will be different this time, she’s gone back to him.
I should have seen it coming.
In the three years I've known Caitlyn, she always goes back to David.
I fooled myself into thinking this time was different, because this time she came to me, and I told her how I felt. Me and Caitlyn being together was the first time she had started seeing someone else during one of her and David’s ‘breaks’. I thought she’d finally come to her senses.
I thought she loved me. I was wrong.
I numb the pain of my aching heart with alcohol. When Tucker suggests he and I hit a bar together, I'm more than up for it, and it’s the first time all week that I leave the house.
As my younger brother chats to two attractive young women, I drink, and drink, and drink. One of the women approaches, and tries to strike up a conversation, but I’m not interested.
I’ve been burned too recently. It will be a long time before I throw myself back in the dating game.
An obvious sign of how bad things really are comes when Tucker leaves the two women ogling him to take me home instead.
In the cab back to my place he says, “I’m sorry, Josh, I thought I was helping.”
I sigh. “I appreciate the gesture, but there’s nothing you can do to help.”
“Okay, so drinking yourself isn’t into oblivion, but have you thought about trying to contact Caitlyn again?”
“I’ve called, texted and left her messages. I think she’s blocked me or something.”
“How about if you go and see her?” my brother suggests as we arrive at my place, and he hands the cab driver some money for the fare.
“It won’t change things. She doesn’t love me. She loves David.”
“She really said that?” Tucker asks, as we make our way inside.
I flop down on the couch, and my brother sits next to me.
“She really said that” I confirm.
Just thinking about Caitlyn’s rejection makes my heart hurt all over again.
Her voice echoes in my mind -- ‘I’m so sorry Josh.
I never should have gotten involved with you …
I was caught up in the thrill of everything, but it’s David I love …
Being with David makes me happy … Please leave and never contact me again. ’ -- like knives stabbing my soul.
“It’s over, Tucker. I can’t keep re-hashing this. I just need to get over it.”
My brother opens his mouth but closes it again as I shake my head and stand up.
Without another word, I leave and head to bed.
-----
I’m awoken early the next morning by someone hammering on the door. Given how I’ve been behaving recently, I have an inkling of who it is, and I do not want to deal with Ryan at six o’clock in the morning.
Still, I know not answering the door isn’t going to deter my brother. He will just keep knocking until someone answers, so I drag myself out of bed, throw on some clothes and pad downstairs.
I open the door, and Ryan barges in, followed by Antony and Sebastian. Thankfully, Antony comes bearing breakfast and I gratefully take the cup of coffee from me.
Sebastian offers me a sympathetic, apologetic smile. I’m not mad at him; I know Ryan has roped him into this.
I turn to my oldest brother. “So, is this an intervention or something?” I ask humorlessly.
“Josh, this has gone on long enough. I know you’re upset, but you’ve got responsibilities. And it wasn’t like you and Caitlyn were engaged or something. You were barely together two months--”
“Don’t,” I grind out, cutting my brother off. “Don’t you dare make light of what I felt. Even if Caitlyn didn’t really love me, I love her. That isn’t just going to vanish overnight.”
“Okay, okay,” Ryan agrees, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. “But you can’t go on like you are. I’ve had calls about the gym. Mrs. Gilbert is going crazy with worry.”
We fall silent for a short time as Antony serves up breakfast -- pancakes, with bacon and maple syrup. The dose of sweet and salty food jerks me awake, and the caffeine of the coffee gives me an extra buzz.
“I know, and I know I shouldn’t have neglected my responsibilities. I’ll open the gym today.”
Ryan nods, a satisfied smile on his face. “And you’ll stop drinking so much?”
I suppress an eye roll. “And I’ll stop drinking so much.”
“Good. I want everyone at my place for a family dinner tonight.”
This time I do roll my eyes. “Is that really necessary?”
“Yes!” Ryan insists. “I expect everyone there tonight after work. No excuses.”
I know there’s no arguing with my brother, and it’s easier to go along with what he wants. Maybe being around people will actually help take my mind off things.
After we’ve all eaten, Sebastian washes up, and then he, Ryan and Antony leave.
When it’s just me and Tucker, my younger brother finally voices his true feelings. “Does he have to be such a pain in the ass about everything?”
“You know taking control helps Ryan cope.”
“He’s a control freak. I swear, I can’t wait to get out of here, and spend a few weeks in California.”
Glad to have something else to talk about, I ask, “Are you excited about the contests?”
“Excited and nervous. A lot rides on these contests. If I do well, that means I can apply for the big contests in Oahu, Hawaii, and those are all the ones that talent scouts attend. This could really make my career. I can’t afford to mess up. I reckon Ryan will cut me off if I do.”
“You know he can’t actually do that? Mom and Dad left money in trust for you.”
Tucker shakes his head. “That won’t stop Ryan. I have to win at least one of these contests in California, or I’m done for.”
“Then you better get out there and practice,” I tell him, then add. “Why don’t you drop by the gym later, too? Wanna train together for a bit before having dinner with Ryan and the others.”
Tucker smiles. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”
I don’t know if he’s only agreeing for my sake, but either way, I appreciate Tucker agreeing.
I know all my brothers are trying to help in their own way, but it feels like Tucker is the only one who actually listens to what I’m saying and understands how difficult this is for me.
Me and my brothers give Tucker a hard time sometimes -- Ryan especially -- but deep down he’s a good kid.
I wish he wouldn’t be so hard on himself.
After Tucker and I are both showered and dressed, we get into my car, and I drop my brother off at the beach with his surfboard, before heading to the gym.
When I arrive at the gym, both Mrs. Gilbert, and Jason Maines are waiting outside the building, along with some other regular clients.
“I hope you’re feeling better now, Josh,” Mrs. Gilbert says, bustling up to me. “Ryan mentioned you were unwell.”
“I was, thank you for your concern. I’m much better now.”
Mrs. Gilbert beams at me and follows me into the gym with everyone else. Jason Maines raises an eyebrow, and shoots me a curious glance, so I mouth ‘later’ to him and then get Mrs. Gilbert started on her exercises.
When I go over to Jason, he asks, “Is everything really okay?”
I shrug. “About as okay as it can be after getting dumped.”
Jason pats me on the back. “That’s tough man. Is that what David Morgan was doing here the other day?”
Figuring there’s no point in hiding the truth now, I say, “Yeah. I was dating his ex. She went back to him.”
“Ouch. I’m sorry man,” Jason says sympathetically.
Not wanting to drag up bad feelings, especially with someone I only know casually, I say, “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t serious -- we’d only been dating a couple of months.”
“Still, that sort of thing sucks,” Jason says, and then we get to exercising.
-----
The rest of the day passes quickly and without incident, the highlight being working out with Tucker. His speed and stamina are impressive, almost on par with what Jason Maines’ was when he started training with me.
“If you’re anything like this in the water, you’re going to win every contest there is,” I tell my brother, as we finish up and head to the changing rooms.
“I’m trying my best, but I have been a little slack with the training and drinking too much.”
“Don’t let Ryan hear you say that. You know how he loves his ‘I told you so.’”
We both laugh, and head into respective cubicles to shower, and dress.
Once we’re both freshened up, we make our way to Ryan’s for dinner.