20. Nikolai
Nikolai
I wake up with her still in my bed.
That hasn’t happened before. I don’t do sleepovers. I don’t allow expectations beyond the physical.
But Gabby is here. Her hair is spread across my pillow. One arm is tucked under her cheek. She’s on her side, facing me, and her breathing is slow and even.
I watch her for a moment. I don’t know what to do with this feeling in my chest. It’s not uncomfortable, just unfamiliar.
Last night was different. I’ve had a lot of sex. Good sex. Great sex, even. But last night felt like something else. It was the first time I felt… connected. And not just in the physical sense.
I slip out of bed without waking her and head to the shower. The hot water doesn’t help me sort through whatever is happening in my head. I fuck women. I don’t think about them after. I don’t wake up analyzing the experience.
But this meant something. I just don’t know what.
I dress in my usual black and head downstairs. Luke is already in the kitchen with Irina. He’s got his cereal bowl in front of him, and he’s eating Froot Loops.
Gabby’s going to be worried. Her son got up before her. She wasn’t there when he woke up. But the kid looks just fine.
“Morning,” I say.
He looks up. “Morning.”
Irina pours my coffee without being asked. She knows my routine better than I do.
“Did my mom go to work?” Luke asks.
“No. She’ll be down soon.”
He nods and returns to his cereal. He doesn’t ask where she slept. Good. I sit down across from him with my coffee. We’re quiet together. I like that about him. He doesn’t feel the need to fill silence with noise. Neither do I.
Gabby appears in the doorway, panic in her eyes. Her hair is pulled back into a messy knot. She’s wearing the same clothes from last night. She looks at me, then at Luke, then back at me. I see her relief. Her son is fine.
She moves to the counter, where Irina has already poured her coffee. She takes it with both hands like it’s a lifeline.
“Did you sleep okay?” I ask.
“Yeah.” Her cheeks go pink. She doesn’t look at me when she says it.
Luke finishes his cereal and carries his bowl to the sink. He comes back and climbs back into the chair. A plastic dinosaur sits on the table.
I smile.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say. “You should have your own room, Luke.”
He looks at me with those calm blue eyes.
“We’ll set it up however you like.”
“Nikolai.” There’s a warning in Gabby’s voice. “That’s very generous, but he’s fine.”
“I want my own room,” Luke says.
She looks at him with genuine surprise.
“We can look at them after breakfast,” I tell him. “We’ll pick a room.”
“That isn’t necessary,” Gabby says again.
“You can pick the colors,” I tell Luke.
“Dinosaurs,” he says immediately.
“Obviously.”
Gabby is staring at me like I’ve just announced I’m moving us all to the moon.
Kylie breezes into the kitchen. “Good morning, everyone.”
“I got your message, Nikolai,” she says.
Gabby looks at me.
"Luke, you’re going to learn to swim,” I tell him. “Kylie is taking you to your swim lesson.”
“Excuse me?” Gabby snaps.
“You said he needed swim lessons. I got him a teacher.”
“Okay,” Luke says.
He slides off the chair and disappears down the hallway, dinosaur in hand.
Kylie, picking up on the tension in the room, looks between me and Gabby. “I’ll go help him get ready.” She turns to leave and then pauses. “Gabby, is this okay?”
I watch her. Gabby’s shoulders drop. “Yes. Thank you.”
Kylie nods and quickly leaves the kitchen. Irina suddenly finds somewhere else to be.
Gabby sets down her coffee cup. “We need to talk.”
“Okay.”
“Last night was…”
I wait.
She throws her hands up like I’ve frustrated her. “Amazing.”
“Agreed.”
“But that doesn’t mean I’m moving in permanently. That doesn’t mean we’re playing house.”
I lean back in my chair. “You already live here.”
“Temporarily.”
“No.”
“What the hell does that mean? No?”
“It means you live here. Luke lives here. He’s comfortable. Safe. Settled. He needs his own room.”
She glances toward the hallway and then back at me. “I’m not staying, Nikolai,” she whispers. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I need to find my own place. For me and Luke.”
“Why.”
She blinks. “What do you mean, why?”
“Give me one good reason.”
“I told you already. I don’t want to owe you.”
“We’ve gone over this. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I owe you everything!” She’s worked up now. I see it in the way her hands move, and in the flush creeping up her neck. “Room, board, childcare, a car. And now swim lessons, too? I can’t keep taking and giving nothing.”
“Those are things I can provide.”
“That’s not the point!”
“Then what is the point, Gabby?”
She works her jaw while she chooses her words. “The point is that I need to be able to take care of myself and my son without relying on someone else. I’ve already told you that I’ve done the dependent thing before, and I know how it ends.”
“I’m not him.”
Her eyes flash. “Who?”
“Whoever made you feel like you can’t accept kindness.”
I see her chest heave. She’s struggling to accept the facts of her life. She needs me.
“I can’t.” Her voice is filled with fear.
“You can. You’re choosing not to.”
She makes a sound of frustration. “You’re impossible.”
“I’m practical. Luke needs stability. He’s settling in here. He likes his routine. Kylie understands him. You have a job. You have support.” I stand and move closer to her. “What are you going to find out there that’s better than what’s here?”
She looks up at me. I see her wavering.
“This isn’t a prison,” I say quietly. “I’m not demanding you be my sex slave.
” I pause, searching for the right words.
“I don’t want or expect anything from you that you don’t want to give.
Last night happened because we both wanted it to happen.
If it happens again, same reason. If it doesn’t, that’s fine, too. ”
“You’re doing this for Luke,” she says.
“For both of you.”
She looks away. “I need to pay rent.”
“Yes, you do. Five dollars a month. Non-negotiable. Utilities included.”
“Nik.”
Fuck. I like when she calls me that. It’s so… intimate.
“Take it or leave it.”
She glares at me. “Cazzo.”
She’s cursing in Italian. That’s new information. Or maybe it’s not new. Maybe I just haven’t been paying attention.
Instead of acknowledging it, I step closer. Close enough that she has to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact.
“Is that a yes?” I ask. Then I narrow my eyes. “And since when do you speak Italian?”
“You’re infuriating.”
“I’ve been told.”
She’s breathing faster now. I can see her pulse jumping in her throat. I lean down and kiss her. Not like last night. A quiet reminder. A promise, maybe.
When I pull back, her eyes are still closed.
“Oh,” I say, remembering. “There’s something I meant to give you.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out the keys. I hold them up between us.
Her eyes open. “What’s that?”
“Keys.”
“I can see that. Keys to what?”
“Your car.”
She stares at the keys like they might bite her. “My car?”
“The one in the garage. Silver. Four doors. Reliable. Safe for Luke.”
“Nikolai, you can’t just give me a car! I told you I don’t want to mooch off you.”
I press the keys into her hand and close her fingers around them. “I have to go. Pasha’s meeting me at Tatiana in twenty minutes.”
I’m already walking toward the door when she calls after me.
“This doesn’t mean I’m staying!”
I don’t turn around. “We’ll pick out paint colors for the dinosaur room later. I’m thinking blue.”
I’m in the SUV and halfway down the driveway before I let myself think about the feeling in my chest again.
It’s light. A fluttering sensation. A good feeling, I think. Like a good Macallan warming my blood.
This might be what happiness feels like.
I’ve never been sure. Happiness for people like me looks different than it does for normal people. I’ve had satisfaction. I’ve had victory. I’ve had the rush that comes from winning.
But this quiet thing that’s sitting in my chest, I think this might be happiness.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt it like this. I’m good at reading people. I’ve seen what happens to Maksim and Sergei when they talk about the women they love. Their eyes do something. Even Sergei smiles, especially when he talks about his twins.
I think about Luke. I like the kid. A lot. I’ve never thought I could be a father. I don’t know how to be a parent. I don’t know if I’m capable.
But Luke makes me feel like being a dad is a possibility. I know I’m a long way from being his parent, but for the first time, I can imagine it.
Yeah.
This might be happiness.
The morning heat is already oppressive, the kind that makes the air shimmer above the asphalt. I step out of the SUV and scan the perimeter. The two security guards at the entrance. The delivery truck parked near the loading dock. The driver leaning against the side panel, smoking.
If he were up to no good, my people would have run him off.
The casino floor is coming together. The gaming tables are all in position. The chandeliers are being installed overhead, each one lifted carefully into place by a crew that knows if they drop one, they’re paying for it. Literally.
I find Pasha in the main ballroom, with one shoulder against a support column, looking up at the ceiling.
“What do you think?” I ask.
“I think it’s going to be spectacular.”
“It will be.”
He turns to face me and stops. His eyes narrow slightly. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Nik.”
“What?”
“You look...” He tilts his head, studying me. “Different.”
I move past him toward the stage area. “I look the same as I always look.”
“No, you don’t.” He’s following me now. “You look... relaxed. Did you get laid?”
I don’t answer.
“You got laid.” He sounds delighted. “Who is she? Wait, don’t tell me. It’s the dealer, isn’t it? Gabby. You slept with Gabby.”
“Drop it.”
“You did!” He laughs. “Holy shit. You actually did it. How was it?”
I turn and give him a look that would make most men shut up immediately.
Pasha is not most men.
“That good, huh?” He grins. “I’m happy for you. Genuinely. You deserve something good in your life.”
I’m about to tell him to fuck off when Frank approaches with a clipboard. “Mr. Sokolov, we’ve got the final inspection scheduled for Friday. Electrical, plumbing, structural—everything.”
“Good.”
“There’s one issue,” Frank says. “The delivery scheduled for tomorrow. The kitchen equipment. The truck that was supposed to bring it got rerouted.”
I look at him. “Rerouted where?”
“Don’t know yet. The supplier says there was a mix-up with the order.”
“There wasn’t a mix-up.”
Frank nods. “That’s what I thought, too.”
“Find out who authorized the reroute. I want a name.”
“On it, boss.”
He walks away as I calculate the delay. We can work around it. Kitchen equipment is easy. But it’s annoying. Just like it’s meant to be.
“Italians?” Pasha asks quietly.
“Probably.”
We move through the rest of the property.
I check in with the crew working on the spa, the pools, and the high-limit rooms. Everything is moving, but there are small delays everywhere.
A shipment that didn’t arrive. A permit that’s taking longer than it should.
An inspector who suddenly needs to see documentation we’ve already provided.
By the time we’re back in the main lobby, I’m ready to put a bullet in something.
“There was an issue yesterday,” I say.
Pasha stops and grins. “You getting laid?”
I ignore him.
“Kylie reported a man at the park yesterday. Watching her. Or maybe Luke.”
His expression changes immediately. “Watching him how?”
“Sitting on a bench. No dog. No kid. Just sitting there, the whole time they were there. She knows when she’s being watched.”
Pasha is quiet for a moment. “That doesn’t sound like the Italians.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“They’ve been focused on the casino. The construction. They don’t usually cross that line for a turf war. Did you kill one of their family members?”
I shrug. “Not recently.”
“So, what are you thinking?”
I look around the casino floor. “I don’t know what I’m thinking. That’s the problem.”
“Is it connected to Gabby?”
“Maybe.”
“Have you asked her?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to spook her. She’s already skittish about staying. If I tell her someone might be watching her kid, she’ll run.”
“You want me to dig deeper?”
I hesitate. That’s the question, isn’t it? Do I want to know?
“Have you found anything yet?” I ask.
“I’m still working on it. There are gaps. Things that don’t add up. I need more time.”
“How much time?”
“A week. Maybe two.”
I nod slowly. “Keep digging. But be careful. If someone’s watching, I don’t want to trigger an alert.”
“You have suspicions,” he says.
“My instinct is telling me something’s off.”
“About Gabby?”
“About the whole situation.”
“She cursed at me in Italian this morning.”
Pasha looks at me. “Italian?”
“Cazzo. Like it came naturally.”
“Could mean nothing.”
“It could.”
He studies me for a moment. “Do you trust her?”
I think about last night. The way she looked at me. The kiss. All of it.
“I don’t trust anyone.”
“Fair enough.” We walk toward the front doors. “I’ll keep digging. Quietly.”
“Good.”
“Nik?”
I look at him and wait.
“What will you do if I find something? Something that might suggest she’s a problem?”
I don’t have an answer.
“Just find the information.”
I get into the SUV and consider the question.
Caring about Gabby is dangerous. Caring about Luke might be worse. The moment something matters, it becomes a weakness. A pressure point. Something an enemy can find and use.
I've built my life around not having weak spots.
Now, I have two.