23. Gabby
Gabby
I slip out of bed carefully, not wanting to wake Luke. My body aches in the most delicious way. Muscles I forgot I had are reminding me what Nikolai did to them last night.
Heat floods my cheeks. I press my hands to my face and try not to grin like an idiot.
I walk into the adjoining bathroom and catch sight of myself in the mirror. My hair is a disaster. There’s a faint mark on my neck where Nikolai’s mouth was. I touch it gently and feel my stomach flip.
This has stopped feeling temporary. I’m getting attached. Luke is getting attached. We’re building something here that I know can’t last. I want to believe we can make a permanent home here, but I also know better than to get my hopes up.
But damn, it feels good.
I’ve kept up with my weekly calls to Greg. I let him know that everything’s fine. I left out the eviction. And Nikolai.
I need to call him. My license can’t be replaced at a DMV. The first couple of identities I had were from the government. But with every identity blown, Greg was suspicious someone might be on the inside. He’d switched to a private seller.
Could I get a new ID with the same name? I don’t know if that’s possible. If I get a new ID, how will that work with my job?
“Fucking asshole,” I mutter.
A million people to rob, and he picked me.
I call Greg and explain what happened. He says he can replace it under the same name, but that it will take a few days. Until then, I’m careful not to give anyone a reason to ask for it.
And then, I remember the flowers. I forgot to thank Nik.
Between the adrenaline from the attack and everything that happened after, it completely slipped my mind.
Then I remember my promise. No more thanking him.
I’ve noticed it makes him uncomfortable.
It feels wrong not to thank him, but I’ll have to be more subtle.
I shower quickly and dress in jeans and a T-shirt. I’m off today and hope to spend time with Luke. Maybe a visit to the park or somewhere indoors that’s nice and cool.
When I come back to the bedroom, Luke is sitting up, rubbing his eyes.
“Morning, buddy.”
“Morning.” He looks around like he’s checking to make sure we’re still here. Still safe.
“Want some breakfast?”
He nods and slides out of bed, gathering his blanket and his current favorite dinosaur, the stegosaurus.
We head to the kitchen, where Irina is setting out fresh fruit and yogurt. She smiles when she sees us. It seems Irina is finally warming up to us. And the feeling is mutual.
“Good morning,” she says.
Luke goes straight to the pantry and emerges with Cocoa Puffs. I smile. He usually sticks with one food for a few months. I love that he’s going for variety.
That’s another thing I want to thank Nik for but can’t. If only he understood how exciting it was.
I pour a cup of coffee and make myself a fruit plate.
Luke climbs into his usual chair, and Irina sets a bowl in front of him. I open the cereal box and let him fill it. I insist on adding the milk. We’re not there yet. He picks up his spoon and starts eating, completely content.
Nik walks into the kitchen, freshly showered, and drop-dead gorgeous as always.
His eyes travel over me slowly, lingering on the mark on my neck. Something dark and possessive flashes across his face.
“We’re going shopping,” he announces as Irina hands him a cup of coffee.
I blink. “Shopping?”
“For Luke’s room. He needs furniture. Bedding. Whatever goes in a kid’s room.”
He takes a seat at the table, sees the box of Cocoa Puffs, and frowns. Irina puts a bowl in front of him. He hesitates before picking up the box and filling his own bowl. I wonder if he’s not ready to change cereal.
Luke glances up at him before going back to his cereal.
“Nikolai, you don’t need to take us shopping.”
He looks at me, and I reach out to wipe the little bit of milk off his chin with my thumb. It’s only after I pull my hand back that I realize what I’ve done.
I glance at Luke to see if he’s noticed. His eyes are on his bowl.
But Irina noticed. She puts down a plate with buttered toast. Her eyes lock on mine. Apparently, warming up to me doesn’t mean she’s ready to let me put my hands on Nikolai.
“Luke picks everything out,” Nik says. “You supervise. I pay.”
“I can’t let you do that.”
“Yes, you can.”
I want to argue. I should argue. But the way he’s looking at me short-circuits my brain.
“Okay,” I reply. “But I am going to thank you.”
He knows what I’m talking about. I swear I see his lips twitch.
An hour later, the three of us walk into a massive furniture store. It’s one of those warehouse places with endless aisles of bedroom sets and living room configurations. Luke’s hand tightens around mine the moment we walk through the doors.
Too many people. Too much noise. The lights are harsh overhead.
“I’m here,” I say. “Can you do fifteen minutes?”
That’s our thing. Fifteen minutes. If he makes it, I ask if he can do another fifteen. I usually set the timer on my phone. I don’t know if it’s the wrong way to handle his anxiety. I read a blog, and one mom said that’s what she did.
Nik reaches down and takes Luke’s other hand. Again, I wonder if it’s for Luke’s sake or his.
We move toward the children’s section like he’s done this a hundred times.
The kids’ furniture section is overwhelming, even for me.
Bunk beds and race car beds and princess canopies.
Everything is bright and loud and covered in cartoon characters.
Luke is tense. I feel it and look for the quickest exit.
If a meltdown is coming, I have to get him outside as quickly as possible.
Nikolai stops in front of a display of stuffed animals. He picks up a large plush dinosaur, examining it with a very serious expression.
“What kind is this?” He holds it up.
Luke looks at it. Then at Nikolai. Then back at the dinosaur.
“T. rex,” he says quietly.
“The right kind,” Nikolai says. “Not like the other one.”
Luke’s eyes widen slightly. “The other one had the arms wrong.”
“Exactly.” Nikolai turns the stuffed dinosaur over in his hands. “Did you know the T. rex had the strongest bite of any land animal? Four times stronger than an alligator.”
Luke takes a step closer, his interest overriding his anxiety. “And they could eat five hundred pounds in one bite.”
“That’s right.” Nikolai hands him the dinosaur. “What else?”
“They can see really good,” Luke says. His hand reaches out to touch the dinosaur.
I watch them, suddenly close to tears. Nikolai researched dinosaurs. He looked up facts so he could talk to my son. So he could connect with him.
I blink rapidly and pretend I’m looking at a display of lamps.
“Come on,” Nikolai says to Luke. “Let’s find you a bed.”
They walk off together, with Luke still clutching the T. rex. I follow a few steps behind. I’m not even sad that Luke isn’t holding my hand. It makes my heart sing to see him moving through a new environment without fear.
Nikolai shows Luke different bed frames. He doesn’t rush. He lets Luke touch them, examine them, take his time deciding. When Luke finds one he likes—a simple twin bed with a blue headboard—Nikolai nods.
“Good choice.”
They move to dressers next. Nightstands.
Luke picks everything carefully and thoughtfully.
Nikolai never gets impatient. Never pushes him toward something more expensive or flashy.
I’m cringing at the mismatched furniture, but that’s the old me.
That’s Gabriella. Gabby doesn’t give a shit if wood grains clash.
By the time we get to the bedding section, Luke is talking without prompts. He finds a comforter covered in realistic dinosaurs—not cartoons. He drags it half off the shelf to show Nikolai and points.
“This one.”
“Perfect. We’ll take it.”
“Nikolai,” I start. I love that Luke is getting the experience, but I also fear he’s going to get spoiled. I can never turn him loose in a store and tell him to pick whatever he wants.
“You promised,” Nik says quietly.
I swallow the protest and decide I’ll talk with Luke later. I’ll explain Nik’s generosity. And then I’ll remind him this is special and not the norm.
With the furniture ordered and scheduled for delivery, we end up at Target. Nikolai Sokolov is pushing a red cart through the store with Luke holding on to the side like he’s been taught.
We spend another hour picking out decorations. Posters. A lamp shaped like a volcano. Curtains with pterodactyls. Luke is glowing by the end of it, and his arms are full of dinosaur books that Nikolai kept adding to the cart.
I don’t even look at the total at the checkout. I can’t. It’ll make me panic.
Nikolai hands over his card without blinking.
“In a couple of days,” he says to Luke, “we’ll go get you some new clothes.”
My head snaps up. “No, you won’t.”
“He’s growing. He needs clothes.”
“I can buy him clothes.”
“I know you can.” He looks at me. “But I’m going to do this.”
Luke is watching us, head tilted.
“Can I wear what you wear?” he asks Nikolai.
“No,” I say before Nik can answer.
“What do I wear?” he asks Luke.
“You always wear black.”
Nikolai looks down at himself as if just noticing. Black shirt. Black pants. Black shoes.
“You have a problem with my clothing?” he asks me.
“It’s very dark,” I say. “You look like you’re going to a funeral every day.”
“I like black.”
“I noticed,” I say dryly.
“I like black,” Luke says.
I bite back a smile. “Fine. Some black. But also blues and greens. He’s four, Nikolai.”
“Deal.”
We load everything into the SUV. Luke sits in his car seat, hugging the T. rex, looking happier than I’ve seen him in a long time.
I climb into the back seat, and Nik takes the front passenger seat. The driver looks at Nik. “Where to?”
Nikolai looks at me. I glance over at Luke. We’ve already stayed out much longer than Luke is accustomed to. I don’t want to push it.
“Home,” I say. “Maybe we can have lunch by the pool.”
I see the relief in Nikolai’s eyes. He’s hit his public exposure for the day as well.
I look out the window and let myself feel gratitude. Relief. And a terrifying realization that I’m falling for this man and don’t know how to stop.