36. Nikolai
Nikolai
I’m at the casino, going over the final security layout for the Tatiana opening, when my phone buzzes. I step away and answer.
"She slipped out the back," he says. "Second team is on her."
I wish I was surprised, but I felt this coming. That kiss in my office. I understood. I hoped I’d read the situation wrong, but I knew when they told me she wanted to go to the store. I had them positioned behind the store because that’s where I would go if I wanted to escape.
"Stand down. Don't stop them."
"Sir?"
"You heard me. Watch her. Don't approach. Don't interfere."
I end the call and stare at the phone in my hand. I don't want to do it, but I do. I pull up the tracking app I’d installed on the tablet. It was a safety measure for Luke, never meant to track Gabby. If she took it with her, I’ll know where they are.
She's on the move. My team will follow.
Pasha is watching me across the room. He warned me.
I return to the meeting and handle the rest of the business. If she moves, my guys will tell me.
That doesn't stop me from checking the tracker every hour. Every time, I make the same decision. Go get her? Or give her time? Let her prove to herself she can leave… and come back on her own.
I choose to wait. Every hour, I choose it again.
By nine, I’m done choosing.
I gave her the day because she needed it. Time. Space. A chance to think about what she's doing without me telling her what to do.
“Want me to go with you?” Pasha asks when we pull through the gates.
“No.”
He takes a deep breath. “You could just let her go.”
“I can’t.”
He nods. “Understood. Call if you need me.”
I take the keys from my driver. I’ve got to do this on my own. I need the silence to think clearly. Right now, my thoughts are moving in too many directions. I feel the familiar pressure building at the back of my skull.
The question I keep turning over is whether I have the right to go after her. She’s not bound to me by anything except whatever this thing between us is that neither of us has been willing to name.
My security team is sitting across the street, watching the motel. I signal for them to leave and sit for a moment with the engine off. My eyes settle on the door. She’s in there.
I can debate all night whether I have the right to go after her, but I already know that I’m not leaving without her. Or Luke.
I stop in front of the room and knock softly. I see the curtain move just a fraction.
I wait.
The deadbolt turns. The chain slides, and the door opens. She looks exhausted and is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
She doesn’t look surprised to see me.
I look past her shoulder. Luke is asleep on the bed, curled on his side with the stegosaurus tucked under his arm and the blanket pulled up.
She’s braced for a fight. She’s expecting me to be angry. I can see her prepare her defense.
I don’t give her the chance.
“I love you.”
The words come out quieter than I intend. I’ve never said them to anyone except my mother.
Gabby stares at me. “Nik.”
“Come home,” I say. “We’ll figure it out. Whatever you’re carrying, whatever it is you haven’t told me, we’ll figure it out together.”
“I’m not asking you to tell me everything tonight. I know I haven’t earned all of it yet.” I hold her gaze. “Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.”
She looks at Luke. Then back at me. I’ve never felt vulnerable, but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like.
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” she whispers.
“I know exactly what I’m asking.”
I watch her blink back tears. She slowly shakes her head. “Oh God, you don’t.”
“I do, Gabby.”
Her eyes hold mine. I watch the fight. I see the fear. She steps back and opens the door a little wider.
“You don’t get to decide what I need again,” she says with that fierceness I’ve come to love and, more importantly, respect.
“I won’t.”
“Especially when it comes to Luke.”
“I promise.”
“I mean it, Nikolai. I can’t be left in the dark when it comes to Luke or his safety. I don’t care how much you think you’re protecting us. You tell me. Every time.”
“I will, Gabby. You and Luke are my entire world now. I would never do anything to jeopardize your trust again.”
“I want to come home.” She steps back fully this time, allowing me to step into the room.
I pull her into me and hold her as close as I can. I kiss the top of her head, then her forehead, before crushing my mouth to hers, like my life depends on it.
I will never let her go again.
I release her with another kiss to her forehead and go straight to Luke, scooping him up in my arms.
He stirs when I lift him from the bed. “Nik?”
“I’m here.”
“Good.”
I start to carry him to my SUV. He makes a small sound, shifts, tucks his face against my shoulder, and goes still again. He has a death grip on the stegosaurus. Gabby walks beside me with her purse and the tablet and doesn’t say a word until we’re in the car.
“Nik?”
“Yes?”
“How did you know where we were?”
“I knew you’d run. I had men following you. And the iPad.”
She shakes her head. “I should have known.”
“I won’t,” I say. “I won’t track you.”
She sighs. “I don’t want to be tracked, Nik. I can’t live like that.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I care.”
“I know.”
I carry Luke to his bedroom, and we tuck him in. I tilt my head toward my room. She goes in and sits on the edge of the mattress. I sit beside her and take a minute to collect my thoughts.
"I took something from you," I say. "Not on purpose. I decided what you needed to know instead of asking. That's what my father did to my mother. I told myself I'd never…" I stop. "I won’t do that again."
“I have to be involved in decisions,” she says. “I lived twenty years of my life never getting a say in what I wore, where I went, or who I dated. I trust you, but I need that.”
I nod and look down at the floor.
“Her name was Tatiana,” I say. “My mother.”
Gabby falls still.
“She was gentle. Soft in a way that my father hated.” I look at my hands.
At the ink across my knuckles. My mother’s name hidden in the scroll artwork that you can only see if you know what you’re looking for.
“He wanted sons who were like him. Sergei came close enough. Maksim charmed his way through it. I was different. Things that were easy for them were not easy for me.”
Her hand rests on my thigh.
“My father called it weakness. He had particular ways of trying to correct it.” I don’t elaborate, and she doesn’t ask me to. “He assumed I couldn’t be his biological son. I think he hated me. The more I tried to fit what he expected of me, the more I failed.”
She squeezes my leg.
“My mother understood that it wasn’t weakness. She knew how to reach me when nothing else worked. I don’t know how she knew, but she did.” Pressure builds behind my ribs. “She was killed when I was eighteen.”
Gabby exhales slowly.
I rub my thumb and finger together. “The one person who understood me was gone. And I didn’t know how to be in the world without that.” She slowly rubs my thigh. “I’ve been trying to figure it out ever since.”
She’s quiet for a long moment. Then she lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles.
“My entire childhood, I believed my father when he said I was broken. I hated myself. I hated that I couldn’t just be like Sergei or charming like Maksim.”
She squeezes my hand. It grounds me, keeps me from spiraling into my memories.
“You are not broken, Nikolai.”
I stare at her. I feel… an ache. My throat burns, but the warmth spreading through my chest feels good.
“You make me feel right.”
She cups my jaw and turns my face toward hers. “You are right. Do you hear me? I don’t know what happens tomorrow or next week, but you are perfectly you. You don’t need to be anyone else.”
I close my eyes and let the words settle. No one has ever told me I was perfect. I’ve never wanted to be perfect. I just wanted to be enough.
She kisses me as she shifts onto my lap and straddles me. Her mouth traces my jaw, then moves lower.
“I love you,” she whispers against my neck. “I love you just as you are.”
I stand with her wrapped around me. I turn and lower her onto the bed, stretching out over her, and bracing my weight on my elbows.
“I don’t know how to love,” I tell her.
“You do. You know exactly how to love me. You love me in a way I’ve never been loved before.”
I slowly undress her, taking my time with every inch of her. My tongue slides down her neck and over her breasts.
She chose to come home.
She’s choosing to let me protect her. Trusting me to keep her and Luke safe.