46. Nikolai
Nikolai
I stand in the backyard watching the decorations go up. Inflatable dinosaurs flop in the breeze. A massive T. rex towers over the pool area. There are banners, balloons, and a bounce house shaped like a triceratops.
I know it’s excessive.
I don’t care.
Luke turns five today, and he’s going to have the best birthday party any kid has ever had. The party neither I nor my brothers had. We are celebrating life. Celebrating Gabby for raising the boy I love more than I knew was possible.
Galina appears beside me with a clipboard. “The cake arrives in an hour. The caterer is setting up in the kitchen. The entertainment gets here at two.”
“Entertainment?”
“The dinosaur performer. You approved it last week.”
Right. Someone in a velociraptor costume. Luke’s going to lose his mind.
“Good. Thank you.”
She walks away, and I go back to surveying the space. I’ve invited six kids from Luke’s new school. Small group. Controlled environment. Nothing overwhelming. Mila will be here with Pasha and Olga. Kylie is helping to coordinate. Gabby has been managing the guest list and dietary restrictions.
I check my watch. Three hours until the party starts.
“Nik!” Luke’s voice cuts through my thoughts.
I turn. He’s running toward me in his new dinosaur shirt, with Steggy clutched in one hand. Gabby follows at a more reasonable pace, smiling.
My family.
“Look!” Luke holds up the stegosaurus. “He’s wearing a party hat!”
I squat down to examine it. Someone fashioned a tiny paper cone and secured it to the dinosaur’s head with tape.
“Very festive,” I say seriously.
“It’s my birthday.”
“I know. Happy birthday.”
He grins. A real smile that I can’t get enough of. “Thank you for the party.”
“You’re welcome.”
He throws his arms around my neck. The gesture is so sudden that I freeze for a second. Then I remember that this is okay. Hugs from people I love are fine. I wrap my arms around his small body and hold him.
“Love you, Nik,” he mumbles against my shoulder.
My throat closes. I look up and see Gabby watching us with tears in her eyes.
“I love you, too,” I manage to say.
Luke pulls back and runs off toward the bounce house.
I stand slowly. Gabby walks over and slides her hand into mine.
“He’s so excited,” she says.
“Good.”
She leans her head against my arm. “This is amazing. Thank you.”
I don’t tell her to stop thanking me.
“I want him to be happy.”
“He is.” She squeezes my hand. “We both are.”
The next three hours pass in a blur of final preparations.
The cake arrives—a massive three-tiered creation covered in dinosaurs.
The caterer finishes setting up the food stations.
Kid-friendly options with clear labels for allergies.
The entertainer arrives and gets into costume in one of the guest rooms.
At two o’clock sharp, the first child arrives with a very nervous mother.
Gabby is right there to settle her nerves and promises her that any child who feels overwhelmed will get some time in the playroom.
I’m still surprised to see the moms and dads going out of their way to help their children navigate the world.
I sometimes wonder what I would have turned out like if I’d had that support.
The other kids trickle in over the next thirty minutes. Mila arrives with Pasha. She makes a beeline for Luke. I watch him relax immediately. Having someone he knows well makes all the difference.
“Good turnout.” Pasha comes to stand beside me.
“Small group works better.”
“Smart.” He watches the kids for a moment. “My mother wanted to be here. She’s not feeling well. She sends her love.”
I know Olga has struggled for the past few months.
Mila has spent more time here with Gabby while Pasha and I work.
I’m not sure what he’ll do if something happens to his mother.
After Pasha’s wife died, his mother took over caring for Mila so he could support me, and he’s been relying on her ever since.
“You did good, Nik. This is exactly what he needed.”
The kids bounce, play with the inflatable dinosaurs, and go crazy when the velociraptor appears. Luke is cautious at first, but when the performer gets down to his level and lets him touch the costume, he’s hooked.
I watch from the sidelines, making sure everything runs according to plan.
Gabby moves through the crowd, chatting with parents and making sure the kids are happy.
She’s good at this. Natural in a way I’ll never be.
Her dark hair looks right. I always knew the blonde was wrong.
She’s herself now. No more pretending or hiding.
When it’s time for cake, everyone gathers around the table. We sing happy birthday. Luke blows out the candles on the first try, grinning so widely that I can count his teeth.
“Make a wish!” one of the kids shouts.
Luke closes his eyes for a long moment. Then he opens them and looks at me.
I know what he wished for. And tonight, I plan to make his wish come true.
The party winds down around five. By five-thirty, it’s just Gabby, Luke, and me.
Luke is exhausted but wired, clutching his new dinosaur toys and chattering about the party.
“Best birthday ever,” he announces.
After Luke is in bed, Gabby sinks onto the couch. I pour us a drink, and we relax in the living room. No TV. No music. Just silence.
“He had a great time,” she says.
“I’m already planning the next birthday.”
She laughs. “I’m not sure you can top that.”
“I can. I will.”
I take a sip of my drink and then sit forward. I reach into the pocket of my black slacks. I wore a blue shirt today. One Luke helped me pick out.
I look at Gabby and think about Luke upstairs. I think about how my whole life rearranged itself around them without me even realizing it.
I saw a woman who needed help, and I helped her. Simple as that. I never expected them to be the ones who helped me. The ones who understood me. Who cared for me in a way no one else has.
Damn, I love them both so much.
This is it, Nikolai. Don’t fuck it up with the wrong words.
“Gabby.”
She looks at me. “Yeah?”
I set down my drink and turn to face her fully. “I need to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out the ring. It’s not in a box. I’ve had it in my pocket, touching the stone when I needed to slow things down.
Her eyes widen.
“Nikolai,” she whispers.
It’s a single diamond. Nothing flashy, but large enough to catch someone’s eye. “I don’t know how to do this right. I don’t have the words other people have.”
She’s staring at me with tears forming in her eyes.
“But I love you. I love Luke. I want to build a life with you. I want to be Luke’s father.
I talked with my attorney, and he said it wouldn’t be hard for me to adopt Luke if you’d let me.
I want to.” I take a breath. “He’s already my son in every way that matters.
I want him to know I chose him, too. I want to make it official.
“Will you marry me, Gabriella? Be my wife. Let me be the father Luke deserves.”
A tear spills down her cheek. “Nik.”
“I know I’m not easy. I know I don’t always say the right things or understand what you need. But I will spend every day trying. I will protect you both. I will love you both. That’s a promise I know I can keep.”
She sets down her drink with shaking hands. “You want to adopt Luke?”
“Yes.”
More tears flow as she presses her hand to her mouth.
“You already are the best daddy he could ever wish for,” she whispers. “You were becoming his father long before either of us realized it.” She reaches out and touches my face. “You’re already everything he needs.”
“Is that a yes?”
She laughs through her tears. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you. Yes, you can adopt Luke. Yes, to all of it.”
I slide the ring onto her finger, and she throws her arms around my neck. I catch her, pulling her into my lap. She kisses me hard.
When we break apart, she’s smiling wide.
“I can’t wait to tell Luke. He’s going to be so happy. Although, I don’t think he needs a piece of paper telling him you’re his daddy. He already knows.”
“Gabriella Sokolov,” she says with a bright smile. “That sounds good.”
“Sokolova,” I correct softly. “For a woman.”
Her smile widens. “Gabriella Sokolova.”
Something catches in my throat.
It sounds perfect.
“Luke Sokolov,” she murmurs.
My heart jumps. A son with my name. I never imagined I would know that experience. I’ve watched Sergei with his sons. Envied what he had.
And now, I have it, too.
For the first time in my life, I’m not just surviving. I’m living.