13. Lila
Lila
I run the brush down Outlaw’s neck in long, steady strokes. She tolerates it, which is progress. A week ago, she would have tried to bite me. Now, she just pins back her ears and gives me a side-eye. Outlaw wants me to know she’s doing me a favor by letting me touch her.
“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” I murmur.
She snorts and swishes her tail.
I’ve been spending most of my time out here in the stables. It’s the only place I can breathe. The house is beautiful, but it’s also a cage. A pretty one, sure, but a cage, nonetheless. I have tried to leave several times.
Each time, I’m reminded that I’m not a prisoner, but I’m also not allowed to leave. I’m not sure if these people understand what a prisoner is.
“He wants to marry me,” I tell Outlaw. She flicks an ear back, listening.
“Can you believe that? Marriage. Like we’re living in a Victorian novel where men just decide women belong to them, and that’s that.
My dad gave me away. I think you have more value than I do.
How are we in the twenty-first century, and women are still being traded?
The brush catches on a tangle in her mane. I work it out gently.
“The thing is,” I continue, “I think he means it. He’s not playing games. He thinks marrying me will solve everything.”
Outlaw shifts her weight, leaning slightly into the brush. She pretends she doesn’t like it, but I feel her relaxing.
“All week, I’ve been thinking about what my life would look like if I said yes.” The thought gives me butterflies. “I’d be his wife. Mrs. Sokolova. I’d have his name, his protection, and his money. I’d never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or if I have a roof over my head.”
I move to her other side, continuing to brush.
“But I’d also be his. That’s the part I can’t get past. Why do I have to belong to anyone? Why can’t I just be me? My father sold me like I was livestock. This other asshole thinks he owns me because of the deal with my father. And now, Maksim wants to put a ring on my finger and call me his.”
Outlaw turns her head to look at me. She’s probably thinking this human has lost her shit.
“I know what you’re thinking,” I say. “You’re thinking I’m being stubborn just to be stubborn. That I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face.”
She blinks slowly.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m so used to fighting that I don’t know how to stop. I’m so terrified of being controlled that I can’t see the difference between someone trying to own me and someone trying to save me.”
I set down the brush and run my hand along her shoulder. She’s strong. Healthy.
“He saved you,” I whisper. “He didn’t have to. He could have let you die. But he didn’t. No one expects anything from you. You just get to be.”
Outlaw nuzzles my shoulder.
“Is that what he’s trying to do for me? Give me a life where I just get to be?”
The question hangs in the air, laced with the sweet smell of hay.
I think about the kiss. I wanted it. I wanted him.
“What if I say yes?” I ask Outlaw, giving voice to the other thought that’s been bouncing around in my head.
I slide my hand over her shoulder, feeling the power in her muscles.
“What if I refuse, and someone comes for me? What if I end up near death in an alley, like Mara? What if my stubbornness gets not just me killed, but other people, too?”
Mara died because Maksim pulled me out of the club, and they needed him to know there was a price for that. Her blood is on my hands, whether I want to acknowledge it or not.
“I don’t want anyone else to die because of me,” I whisper.
Outlaw nudges me again, harder this time.
“Okay, okay. I hear you.” I pick up the brush and start working on her mane again. “You think I should say yes.”
She doesn’t disagree.
What would marriage to Maksim even look like? Would he expect me to be a trophy wife who lunches with other rich women and gets her nails done? Would I have to dress up and smile prettily at his business associates?
The thought makes me want to laugh. I don’t even know how to be that kind of woman. I wear jeans and boots. I won’t start tottering around on heels.
“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” I admit. “Maybe I could have some rules. Some boundaries.”
And then, I know.
“When he asks, I’ll say yes.”
I don’t have to turn around to know he’s there. Something about his presence changes the air and makes my skin prickle with awareness.
I keep brushing Outlaw’s mane, pretending I don’t notice him watching me.
“How long have you been standing there?” I finally ask without turning around.
“Long enough.”
Great. So, he heard me talking to a horse about marrying him. That’s not embarrassing at all.
I move to Outlaw’s other side, putting her body between us.
“It’s time,” he says.
I pause mid-stroke. “Time for what?”
“Marriage.”
I should feel panic. Fear. Something other than a strange flutter in my chest. Am I actually excited? I’m twisted. That’s the only explanation. Trauma has fucked me up.
“Fine.” I keep my voice flat and haughty. “But I will not wear a damn dress.”
Inside, I’m almost laughing. He thinks he’s getting a compliant wife who’ll do whatever he says. He has no idea what he’s signing up for.
“Fine.” He doesn’t hesitate. “You can be naked if you want.”
“I’m not—” I shoot a glare around Outlaw's neck at him.“That’s not what I meant.”
He’s watching me, looking too attractive in his dark jeans and black T-shirt. He rarely dresses so casually.
“I know what you meant,” he says. “Wear whatever you want. I don’t care.”
“Good.” I turn my attention back to Outlaw. “When?”
“Now.”
“Now?” I shoot another glare around Outlaw’s neck. “Like right now?”
“Is there a reason to wait?”
Yes. No. I don’t know. My heart is racing. This is actually happening.
“I need to...” I gesture vaguely at myself. “Clean up or something.”
“You look fine.”
I look down at my jeans, which are covered in horsehair. My T-shirt isn’t much better. My hair is in a messy ponytail. I smell like a horse.
“Fine. This is just what I’d hoped to look like at my wedding.”
He comes around to my side. “Lila, this isn’t a wedding. It’s paperwork. We sign some documents, file them, and it’s done.”
I try to hide my disappointment. “Oh.”
“Is that a problem?”
“No.” I busy myself with putting away the grooming supplies. “That’s fine. Makes sense.”
It does make sense. This is a business arrangement. A solution to a problem. It’s not a real marriage. There’s no reason to make it into something it’s not.
Except that some stupid part of me hurts. The part that used to dream about white dresses and flowers and a handsome man in a tuxedo watching me walk down the aisle. My mom wearing a pretty dress and crying as I say my vows.
All things that will never happen.
I’m practical. Tough. I don’t need fairy tales.
“Let’s go,” I snap. “I want to get this over with.”
“Lila—" His soft tone is too nice. I don’t want pity.
“I said let’s go.” I push past him, not wanting him to see the emotion on my face.
I stride across the property toward the house, very aware of Maksim following a few steps behind. He doesn’t catch up or walk beside me. He gives me space.
Cinder is waiting in the foyer. She takes one look at me and raises an eyebrow.
“Really? You’re getting married in that?”
“Apparently it doesn’t matter what I wear,” I mutter.
“Let’s do this,” Maksim says.
I follow them down the hall and into his office.
A woman I’ve never seen stands near the window. She’s older, maybe in her fifties, with black hair pulled into a severe bun. She shoots me a pitying look.
“This is Mrs. Clark,” Maksim says. “She’s a notary.”
The woman pulls out several documents. I pick one up and notice that my name is already filled in. Lila Reynolds. Soon to be Lila Sokolova.
My stomach does a weird flip.
“How did you get this without me?” I ask.
“I have connections,” Maksim says.
“You forged my signature.”
“I expedited the process.”
I want to be angry about it, but what’s the point? This whole thing is already insane. What’s a little forgery in the grand scheme of things?
Damien appears in the doorway, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. He nods at Maksim but doesn’t look at me.
“Cinder and Damien will be our witnesses,” Maksim says.
Cinder crosses her arms. If that glare is one of jealousy, it's almost funny. She probably wants him, and now, she has to watch him marry me.
I don’t know where that thought comes from, but I lean into it. If she wants to hate me, I’ll give her a reason.
Mrs. Clark opens the license and begins reading in a monotone voice. “Do you, Maksim Sokolov, take Lila Marie Reynolds to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do.”
“Do you, Lila Marie Reynolds, take Maksim Sokolov to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
For the first time, I stop fighting the memory and take him in. Dark hair falling across his forehead. Pale blue eyes watching me. Strong jaw. Broad shoulders. The man who pulled me out of hell.
The man who has decided that it’s his job to keep me alive.
I roll my eyes. “I suppose I do.”
Cinder holds something out. Maksim holds out his hand. Cinder slaps his. When he opens his palm, I see two rings. Maksim thought of everything.
The ring he slides onto my finger is like nothing I’ve ever seen. It’s… black. Gorgeous, but it feels ominous. The stone in the middle is black, surrounded by sparkling diamonds. His ring is black with black diamonds around the band.
He slides the ring on my finger as Mrs. Clark finishes marrying us.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Maksim steps closer. His hand cups my jaw, tilting my face up to his. I’m very aware of Cinder’s glare burning into the side of my head.
When his lips touch mine, I kiss him back. Hard. I grab his shirt and pull him closer, opening my mouth to his tongue. I pour everything into it, making sure anyone watching can see the passion.
He wraps his arms around me and slides one hand into my hair. He kisses me like we’re alone.
When we finally break apart, we’re both breathing hard.
“Well,” Mrs. Clark says dryly. “Congratulations.”
She has us sign the license. My hand is still shaking as I write my name, Lila Reynolds, for the last time. Tomorrow, I’ll be Lila Sokolova.
Mrs. Sokolova.
Then, Cinder and Damien sign as witnesses. The whole thing takes maybe ten minutes. Ten minutes, and my life has changed.
Mrs. Clark packs up her things. “I’ll file this first thing in the morning. It’ll be official by the end of business tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Maksim hands her an envelope full of cash.
She leaves, and Damien follows without saying goodbye. Cinder lingers, still glaring.
“Congratulations.” Her word drips with sarcasm.
“Thanks,” I reply sweetly.
She storms out.
And then it’s just me and Maksim. My husband.
“So.” I step back and cross my arms. “We’re married.”
“We are.”
“Let me be very clear about something.” I meet his eyes, making sure he understands every word. “This is a business arrangement. You get to tell people I’m your wife. You get to use our marriage to protect me. But that’s it.”
“Okay.”
“I’m serious. I will never have sex with you.”
Something flickers across his face. Amusement? Disappointment? I can’t tell.
“That’s your choice,” he says.
“Good. You don’t need me anyway. You’ve got forty women at your disposal. Go fuck them. I’ll keep my room.”
He grabs me and jerks me against him, taking my gasp of surprise as an invitation. His mouth covers mine, and his tongue plunges inside. I open my mouth wider. His hand drops to squeeze my ass. I groan and lean against him.
Fuck it. He can have me. I wrap my arms around his waist, rubbing myself against him.
Then, he steps back, and I nearly fall to the floor. I’m dizzy. He wipes his mouth with his finger and grins at me. “Enjoy your empty bed, Lila. Like you said, I’ve got no less than forty women to choose from to keep my bed warm.”
And then he’s gone, leaving me staring at the door in shock.
My eyes go to his desk, and to the big paperweight sitting on it. I pick it up and hurl it at the door. “Asshole!”