Chapter 8
Peter
You’ve got to be kidding me.
I’m standing by the window in our offices, looking down the paddock, when I see them.
Molly and Miles.
What is it with her and going on dates with my fucking mechanics?
The anger roars inside me as I see her laugh at something he says, leaning into him as she places a hand on his arm.
Miles is one of the mechanics I like on our team. He does a good job, works hard, and seems committed to our team.
Now, though, I might have to find a reason to fire him as well.
Fucking hell.
This is why I never should have kissed her in the first place. It fucked me up so bad I can’t think straight.
She consumes me.
A single kiss from her and I’m ready to burn down the world for her. To hand over my power to her simply isn’t an option. The exact reason why I lied and said that our kiss was nothing.
The truth is that it was everything.
Which is why it can’t ever fucking happen again.
She’d have the power to ruin me, and I’ve promised myself that I’d never let anyone have that kind of influence over me ever since my dad wrecked our lives.
I don’t manage to tear my eyes away from her, though.
As she smiles and talks with Miles, looking like she doesn’t have a single care in the world, the raging irritation doesn’t lessen.
Miles brings an arm around her shoulder before they start walking down the paddock, away from where I’m overseeing them.
I lean further towards the window, trying to get a better look, before I fucking smash my forehead into the glass.
“Fuck.”
I groan, my hand going to my forehead as Ryan looks questioningly at me from the couch.
“What the hell is happening with you?” he asks, probably wondering why I just smashed my own face into the glass.
Good question.
I feel like I’m going insane, and it has everything to do with Molly, whom I can no longer see.
“Nothing. I didn’t pay attention,” I mutter, making my way to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
I slump down on the couch next to Ryan, who’s still looking at me curiously.
“What?” I ask, exasperated.
Not at him, but at this whole situation.
“You seem tense. You’ve been this way ever since yesterday. Is there something you want to talk about?”
I’m contemplating whether I should tell him about Molly and the complicated feelings I have for her.
Maybe it will be good to get it off my chest.
I know my head is a mess at the moment, so maybe talking about it will help.
So I tell him.
I tell him that even though I did fire Jeremy for speaking badly about her and lying, it also had to do with the perfect evening I shared with her after I took his place on that date.
Then I tell him about the night in the club and our chemistry, which sizzles whenever I’m in her presence.
Finally, I get to our kiss and how I left things.
“Hot damn. I never thought I’d see the day,” Ryan says, a snicker escaping him as I sit with my head in my hands.
“What?” I grumble, feeling the teasing coming from a mile away.
I should have known to keep my mouth shut.
“Peter Centimo has a crush on a woman.”
“Fuck off.”
Ryan starts laughing, and even though I’m irritated, I also feel my previous anger melt a little as I take in his words.
Is this what a crush feels like? Like you’re going fucking insane.
“Stop laughing, you fucker. I’ll never tell you anything again,” I grumble, but my own smile is breaking through as Ryan holds his stomach in pain from his laughter.
“I’m sorry. I think I need to bring out a history book because this is rich.”
I roll my eyes.
He makes it sound like I’m incapable of feelings, which I guess is kind of true in a way.
At least when it comes to women.
All I’ve ever felt for a woman has been lust. Never interest, or the need to simply be in her presence.
When he’s calmed down, he looks at me and is finally ready to give me some advice.
It’s not like Ryan is an expert, but at least he’s gone on dates with women, whilst I tend to keep it strictly to the bedroom.
“Why did you say it was nothing?”
Straight to the good part I see.
I release a deep breath, struggling as I try to wrap my head around that.
I did it as a protective mechanism, but the fucking regret I felt when I caught the hurt in Molly’s eyes before I couldn’t bear to look at her and stormed off, that kept me up most of the night.
That look alone made me want to fall to my knees in front of her and take it all back in an instant.
“I feel fucking insane, Ryan. And she makes me feel out of control,” I tell him, dragging a hand through my hair.
The hair she gripped in her hands.
Christ, everything reminds me of her.
“I get that this is scary, and new as you’ve never really cared for a woman in this way before, but that’s part of the fun,” he says.
Fun.
None of this feels any fun.
Especially when I see her moving on so effortlessly with another fucking mechanic.
“She doesn’t seem to find me very fun. Already out on a date with Miles,” I say, feeling my anger rising again.
What if he kisses her?
Maybe it’s good I couldn’t see them longer than I did. I don’t know what I would do if I had to witness that.
“Miles? Shit, he’s a good guy too,” Ryan says, not making this any easier.
“Not helping,” I mutter.
It shouldn’t matter what kind of guy Miles is, because I shouldn’t care. Even if I do admit that I care way too much, I can’t do anything about it.
She’s a temptation that needs to stay out of my life.
“It doesn’t matter. We’re done.”
Ryan just looks at me like I’m full of shit.
“Whatever you say.”
～
I’m getting ready for the race when I hear one of the guys ask Miles about his date with Molly.
The chatter in our garage is something I’d never paid much attention to, but that was before my mechanics started taking the woman I want on dates.
I try to remind myself that I don’t care, but my ears perk up as I move slightly closer, trying to get within hearing distance.
“It was lovely. She’s great, and such a stunner to look at.”
Fucking hell.
Kill me now.
Of course it went great.
Why wouldn’t it?
Molly could hold a conversation with an idiot like Jeremy; she’d probably have a great time with someone like Miles, who’s capable of putting sentences together.
The fucker probably used all his British charm on her as well.
I wonder if she likes Brits.
“Taking her to a nice hotel tonight?” one of the guys asks, obviously hinting at horizontal activities.
“She said something about dinner with her team, so we’ll see what will happen.”
With Jeremy, she ended the date early, simply not caring to finish it when she didn’t enjoy his company.
This isn’t the case with Miles since they’ve already talked about meeting again.
My frustration grows as I put on my helmet, not in the mood to listen to any more of their conversation.
I’ll go do what I do best: race.
And I’ll show Molly May that even if we’re done, she’s going to have a real good look at me as she finishes her work today, because I plan on bringing home this win.
～
As I cross the finish line to my first victory of the season, I’m overwhelmed with a sense of rightness.
We’re finally on the right track again, and this is a solid confirmation.
The mechanics cheer as I cross the finish line, my race engineer congratulating me on a great run.
I started P5 and drove my way up to victory.
I might have had some extra motivation, and I decided that maybe this crush isn’t so bad if it makes me win races.
When I jump out of my car, my team is ecstatic, all of them riding the high of being back on top after last year and all the setbacks we experienced.
This is the moment we have worked for.
Now we know it’s possible, and we’ll use this as motivation to keep pushing towards that title.
Arthur comes over, his smile beaming as he pulls me into a hug. “You fucking did it! I’m proud of you, son.”
Hell.
I know that it’s just a saying.
Men use “son” as a form of nickname, especially when they have children.
But to me, it means more than Arthur realises.
I swallow the emotion in my throat but let myself enjoy the pride in his eyes as he looks at me.
This is all I ever wanted.
For someone to be proud of me.
“Thank you for believing in me,” I tell him, wanting him to understand that his support truly means a lot.
He gives me a thoughtful look, clasping my back.
“I had a feeling about you, Peter. I’m happy to be proven right.”
The news about our last owner broke yesterday, but Arthur handled it perfectly. He held a short press conference, informing the media that he was aware of this and was taking the necessary steps for the team.
He can be ruthless and cutthroat when he needs to be.
But as he wraps me in another hug, all I feel is warmth I’ve craved for longer than I’ve realised.
～
Instead of the usual party out on town, I’m seated at a dinner table with Arthur, Ryan, and a few more people from our team.
Most of the suits weren’t invited as far as I know, which I’m pleased about.
They like to shine whenever I bring home a good result, but something tells me that Arthur isn’t a big fan either. He arranged this dinner and asked me to bring anyone I wanted, which was Ryan.
I almost made Ryan ask Miles, so that he would have to turn down Molly if she made herself available to him, but I decided that I would only be delaying the inevitable.
If she wants to kiss him or sleep with him, she’ll make it happen, no matter how many obstacles I put in her way.
Doesn’t make it any easier to progress, but I guess I have myself to blame as well.
Arthur’s phone rings, and he excuses himself, telling us that it’s his daughter on the phone. I’ve never met his wife or daughter, but I’m sure I’ll meet them sometime.
Just as our food arrives, Arthur comes back, apologizing for disappearing, but letting us know he’ll never turn down a call from his family.
Again, I’m hit with a wave of emotion and longing for a family like that.
A father who would drop everything for his girls.
Not one who chose addiction over his wife and child.
When I started making money in the racing world, I tried numerous times to get my father the help he needed. Trying to talk to him and convince him to seek help, get checked into a facility, and get sober. Each time, he refused, telling me I don’t know shit and should stay out of his life.
Until he needs money for more drugs, of course, then he pops up again.
In the end, I had to come to terms with what most people must do when it comes to addiction and the ones we love.
You can’t help them if they don’t want to help themselves.
Until he wakes up and wants the change to happen, nothing will convince him otherwise.
“You okay?” Ryan nudges my side, and I realise I’ve been sitting staring out into thin air not eating a single bite of my food, whilst the others are in full swing.
I shake my head.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
～
I lift the phone to my ear, hearing the line connecting as my mother picks up.
“Peter? How good to hear from you,” she says, and I almost roll my eyes.
She always says it’s good to hear from me, but she never contacts me.
Makes me feel like I’m imposing on her new life with her fabulous family. Her perfect family that gathers around the table, whilst I’m off racing and travelling the world.
Nevertheless, she’s the only family I have left, and even if I have to swallow my pride and feel like I’m imposing, I’ll continue doing so.
I don’t want to be entirely alone.
“Yeah, hey, Mom. I was wondering if I could come by when we’re racing in Miami?”
Ever since she remarried, they’ve taken more trips than I can count. Once I showed up without having made an appointment and she was off to Italy.
The time when she would keep up with my schedule seems long gone.
“Sure. When will that be?”
Miami is around five months away, but I wanted to let her know early. We agree on a date for me to come by before hanging up.
I realise she didn’t even congratulate me on my win, meaning she’s not watching my races anymore.
The pit in my stomach deepens as I ponder how we drifted this far apart.
Knowing deep down it has everything to do with the earlier life we both lived through, but she seems determined to forget about.
Including me.