Chapter 24 #3
I grin, walking back to the photos, and frown at the picture that features a group of young people down at the seafront on a gorgeous, sunny day.
I spot Finlay’s bright red hair straight away.
He’s younger, sixteen or seventeen. The age he was when he was the love of Donna’s life.
A tall, lanky, awkward-looking teenager stands beside him, wearing thick-rimmed glasses.
His brown hair is long, down to his chin, and he glares at the camera.
‘Mackie!’ I exclaim, pointing at the picture.
Rory’s head shoots up. ‘What did you say?’
‘That’s Mackie! I used to see him in the summer when I visited my granny. I don’t remember seeing Finlay, but I remember Mackie. We used to skim rocks into the sea together. What’s he doing here?’
Rory switches off the pan. His eyes dance between me and the floor. Several seconds pass. I wonder what I’ve said. He looks up, gazing at me over the long kitchen island.
‘You remember that?’
‘Yes, of course. We used to have these amazing conversations about life and travel. I told him how much I wanted to live in Ullapool, then my plans to move to London and study marketing, while he would talk about wanting to go backpacking. Wait, he’s not one of your brothers, is he?’
Rory stops, completely still for a moment, a flash of something crossing his face. I’m not sure what’s happening here. Who is Mackie to Rory? Why does he seem so thrown that I know him?
‘Ava, that was me. I’m Mackie,’ he says finally.
He looks crestfallen as I frown, confused. ‘No. Wait, what?’
‘We had a handshake one year,’ he says. ‘Do you remember? We used to practise it down by the sea the first day you came back.’
‘Oh my God,’ I gasp. ‘How can you be Mackie?’
‘Short for MacGregor,’ he says, his face turning pink. ‘It’s what my friends called me when I was younger.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me? Wait, do you remember me from back then?’
His cheeks flame as he starts to pile the food on the plates, avoiding eye contact with me. ‘Of course I do.’
I walk towards Rory and put my hand on his arm. He flinches. And suddenly I see him, I see Mackie. In the concerned crease of Rory’s brow, in the vulnerability in his eyes, I see the boy I spent my summers with.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’
He doesn’t look up.
‘Rory!’ I urge him to meet my gaze.
‘I was going to,’ he says, reluctantly. ‘On that first day. Then you got all stubborn, insisted you didn’t need help and stomped away in a huff. And it was obvious you had no idea who I was, so I thought it best to leave it.’
‘You should have said! Rory, I can’t believe this.’
‘Having to remind someone who you are is pretty embarrassing. And I’ve still got that gawky teenager inside me sometimes, you know?’
I swallow, watching as he picks up the plates and carries them to the dining table.
‘In my defence, Mackie,’ I say, following him over, ‘you look pretty different now. You’ve had a bit of a glow up.’
Rory’s eyes darken as he walks across the room and sets the plates down on the long dining table that looks like it can seat fifteen people.
We sit down, just the two of us, and he sighs.
‘Look, I get that I’ve changed. I barely opened my mouth for two years because I was so embarrassed by my train-track braces.
I was ashamed of myself, of Mackie. I begged people to start calling me Rory because I wanted to be someone new.
You didn’t like me then and you fancy me now. I get it. It’s fine.’
‘That’s not true. I did like you then. My friend back home even teased me about it… About you. I just wish you’d told me before now, Rory. I wish you’d said something.’
‘Yeah, well, I didn’t.’
I swallow hard and take a seat across from him.
This is why Rory has blown hot and cold with me.
He’s been embarrassed that I didn’t recognize him.
He’d thought of me as this big-shot city girl with all the confidence in the world, who completely overlooked him.
And can I blame him? I think of how I would have felt if the scenario had been switched and it was Rory – Mackie – who didn’t recognize me. I’d be upset.
I place my hand over his at the table. ‘Look, I’m really sorry I didn’t recognize you. But I do wish you’d told me.’
I exhale, feeling my legs shake. It’s so confusing. Rory’s been keeping this a secret from me while he calculates ways to annoy me? The cutting comments, the junk mail, the hole in the wall. Why? To make me like him? He doesn’t say a word.
‘You should have said something, Rory,’ I say again.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. I know that will have been hurtful.
But you’ve hidden this from me and now, for some reason, you’re the one that’s angry with me?
You’re the one who’s been keeping secrets.
I genuinely had no idea who you were, while you’ve known who I am the whole time. You knew my granny, too, didn’t you?’
He pauses for a moment, before his voice cracks. ‘I’m sorry, Ava. I should have said something. I just felt so stupid.’
Suddenly I don’t feel hungry.
‘I don’t like secrets,’ I whisper, taking a sip of water from the glass on the table. ‘This could have been something lovely, Rory. I don’t have shared memories with many people. It would have been amazing to be welcomed with open arms to Ullapool, instead of thinking for weeks you didn’t like me.’
He places his hand on mine. ‘I never disliked you. Far from it. I… I’m sorry I made you feel like that.’
We eat our dinner in silence.