Chapter 30
I take a deep breath and consider bolting past her, but she looks up and catches my eye. I lower my head, feeling her watching me.
‘Ava,’ she calls gently.
I look down at the ground and start walking towards the bookshop. I don’t want to do this with her. I have everything and nothing to say all at the same time. Nothing nice, though. And what did Granny always say? If you’ve not got something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
‘Ava, please, can you talk to me? Just give me a second. Please,’ she pleads as she approaches me.
She looks different. Her usual wide, smiling face is gaunt and pale. She’s dressed all in black, like she’s attending a funeral. Macy never wears black. My hearts squeezes in my chest as I try to stop the voice in my head reminding me how much I’ve missed her.
‘He’s in the bookshop,’ I say, avoiding eye contact. ‘I can take you to him.’
‘I want to talk to you,’ she says. ‘Please. Can we sit down somewhere?’
I want to say no, but I can’t.
‘Follow me.’
We take a seat on a bench by the beach and look out to sea.
I sneak a look at her face again. She looks awful.
Drained. Exhausted. Despite everything, I feel sad for her.
I never wanted to see her like this. I have to stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and telling her that everything is okay, because it’s not. I’m not sure it ever can be.
‘You were right about Ullapool,’ she says with a sad smile, gazing into the distance. ‘It’s beautiful here.’
‘So, you’ve come to get Seb. Why waste time with me?’
‘It’s not just about Seb. I’m so sorry, Ava,’ she says. She shakes her head from side to side, wiping the tears away with trembling fingers. ‘I’m a mess. Seb – he just left without saying a word. I went to work, came back and he was gone.’
I’ve never seen Macy cry before. Ever. She’s always been the life and soul of the party, swinging from the chandeliers on every night out, singing karaoke at the top of her lungs, dancing into the early hours.
But now Seb has broken her too.
‘He finished with you,’ I whisper.
She turns to look at me, appalled. She shakes her head. ‘No. He didn’t. Oh God, I knew he’d say that. You probably think I deserve this. I guess it’s called karma.’
Bloody Seb. Of course he hasn’t broken up with Macy. He’s back here to try his luck, hedge his bets. I should have known.
She turns around on the bench and looks me in the eye. ‘I want you to know something. I’ve been in love with him for years, Ava. I tried to block it out, to stop myself from feeling that way about him. He wasn’t interested in me, not like that. And I was glad, because of you.’
I swallow, unable to compute what Macy is saying. She’d been in love with Seb the whole time we’d been together?
‘I tried going out with different people. But he was always in the back of my mind. I was on my Christmas night out at the end of last year, and he turned up at the same bar. I know I should have resisted, and I tried, but I just… I couldn’t.
I’d been suppressing the feelings for so long.
I should have stopped it. God, Ava, I wish I’d been able to stop it. ’
Tears fall onto her black trousers as she continues.
‘I never wanted to hurt you. You’ve been like a sister to me.
A soul sister, remember? But he filled my head with all these promises.
I thought he would be different with me.
I guess… I was wrong. I wish I’d had somewhere to go, someone to talk to about it, but I felt so lonely. It’s been so lonely without you.’
Macy’s whole body shakes. I think of the breakup bookshop and how much it has helped everyone who’s crossed its threshold. Macy doesn’t have that. She’s lost me, she’s lost Seb, and she’s left with no one.
‘You could have talked to me about it, Macy,’ I say, carefully.
‘What good would that have done?’ she asks, wiping her eyes. ‘He loved you. He wanted you. He still does. That’s why he’s here. He never wanted to be with me. I was just a bit of fun that you were never meant to find out about. God, I feel so stupid. I’m so sorry, Ava.’
‘And when he left, you knew he’d come here?’
She nods. ‘I knew he wanted to get back with you. He told me after our last fight. I begged him to keep trying to make us work, but his mind was obviously made up. I gave up our friendship, the most important thing to me, but it wasn’t enough.’
‘So, you’re here… why? To try to bring him back to London with you?’
She shakes her head. ‘I don’t know. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, I just wanted you to know that he wasn’t just a whim for me, the way I was for him.’
We sit in silence, looking out to sea. I sigh and reach across and pat her hand.
‘Macy, you deserve so much better than Seb. We both do.’
*
As we walk back to the bookshop, I keep Macy close beside me. I know she’s hurt me in the worst way possible, but I can’t help but feel protective of her. She’s been blinded by Seb and all his promises, like I was once upon a time. I hope she can move on from this, from him.
I hear raised voices up ahead. I look across at the hairdresser’s, where they’re all at the window gazing over at the bookshop, like the day I arrived. I wonder what they’re all looking at. Shit, what have I missed?
I blink as I see Seb come crashing out of the bookshop, falling to the ground. What the hell is going on? I rush forward, leaving Macy open-mouthed behind me.
‘Ah, fuck,’ Seb says, rubbing his elbow. ‘Do you know how much this suit cost? You’ll be paying for the dry-cleaning bill, you mark my words!’
I look up as Rory comes charging out, his face bright red, his fist clenched.
‘Dry-cleaning bill?’ he snorts. ‘Away and boil yer heid.’
‘Rory, what the hell?’
He turns to face me and points to Seb, who’s on the ground brushing dirt from his elbow. ‘This is him? The London guy who cheated on you? You let him stay here?’
‘No, Rory, I…’
‘Did he stay here last night, Ava?’ He doesn’t wait for an answer. ‘He’s talking about taking you back to London with him. I guess the summer’s really over this time, isn’t it? God, I’ve been so stupid!’
He paces up and down in front of me as my face flushes. This is bad. Rory knows that Seb has stayed here. Why did I even let that happen? I should have flung him out, like my instincts told me. Yet again, I’ve allowed Seb to worm his way back in, and now he’s caused a divide between me and Rory.
I swallow. ‘Rory, no, it’s not…’
But he doesn’t listen. He turns on his heel, walks past The Toolbox, and jumps into his car, speeding off into the distance.
I want to run after him and beg him to stop, but I find myself rooted to the ground.
I can’t seem to make my brain catch up. It’s all too much; Seb’s here, Rory’s back early and Macy is shaking beside me.
‘Macy?’ I hear Seb’s small voice say, as my hands shake.
She is in floods of tears. Full, uncontrollable sobs. I can’t abandon her, not when she’s like this. I need to help her fight back and stick up for herself. She needs me.
Seb sighs and puts one hand on his head. ‘Jesus, Macy, you followed me all the way here?’
‘What else was I supposed to do?’ she hiccups.
I usher them both into the bookshop for a more private conversation, away from the eyes of the salon’s clients.
Seb lets out a huge sigh before turning to me. ‘You’re not coming back to London, are you?’
I shake my head. ‘I’m not. Not with you. And I’d like you to leave.’
He rolls his eyes at the inconvenience of it all, without a glance towards Macy to see how she’s feeling. Hedging his bets, as usual, wanting us both but not enough.
‘I’ll go upstairs then. Grab my stuff.’
I nod, left alone with Macy in the bookshop. She glances around, taking it all in. The vibrant colours, the shelves packed with books, the warm lighting that creates the perfect reading ambience.
‘It’s beautiful, Ava,’ she sniffs. ‘I can’t believe you’ve done all this. Congratulations.’
‘Please tell me you’re not going to get back with him, Macy.’
‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I just knew I needed to come here. To see you.’
‘It wasn’t really to see me, though, was it? You wouldn’t have come here if he hadn’t. I always wanted to show you around Ullapool, the place I always talked about. I talked about it to both of you. And now you’re both here, but everything’s changed. I hate that, Macy.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she says again. ‘For everything. I’ve missed you so much. I wouldn’t have done this if it hadn’t been him. I want you to know that. It sounds stupid now, but for me it’s always been him.’
Seb reappears with a bag in his hand, swaggering towards the front door. He barely looks at me or Macy. ‘Can’t wait to get out of this hellhole,’ he mutters. He turns to Macy. ‘Let’s get back to London. Quickly.’
Macy remains tight-lipped as he pulls open the shop door and presses the button to unlock his BMW. She glances at me and whispers, ‘I’m sorry, Ava,’ before she follows him outside.
What was it Granny used to say? You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. Macy looks like she’s set to be parched for a long time to come.
As the car speeds off, I want to stop her.
I want to tell her Seb’s just going to hurt her again, but within seconds, the car is gone.
Instead, I go out into the courtyard to call Rory.
I need to track him down as quickly as possible.
As I stand by the green bin, my phone starts to vibrate. Over and over again.
Rory: Just arrived. Hotel’s lovely, phone reception shit. Miss you! x
There’s a flood of messages from Rory, Rory, Rory. Missed calls too. I frown. What the…
Rory: I’m sorry. For everything. Can we talk?
My eyes widen as realization dawns on me.
The messages date from when Rory left to just a couple of hours earlier.
My stupid phone hasn’t delivered the messages.
A series of pictures follow in quick succession.
The beautiful ceremony, hosted under an archway with a lake serving as the backdrop, a picture of the bride and groom cutting the cake, a few other wedding reception pictures.
Then, the pièce de résistance: a selfie of Rory in his kilt, accompanied by a long line of kisses.
Rory had contacted me; the messages just hadn’t been delivered. And now it looks like I’d ignored them, ignored him, while allowing my ex-boyfriend to stay with me.
Fuck’s. Sake.