4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
M y eyes slowly fluttered open.
This time everything appeared a bit steadier. The haze that previously consumed me seemed to have lifted. Still, I looked around the room, trying to make sense of it all, taking in the hospital room as if this was my first time seeing it.
Hospitals had always been a strange place to me. On one floor, someone was watching their loved one take their last breath, while on the floor just above that, a baby was taking its first. It was all too raw for me, the emotions squeezed between the walls of one building. The quickness of both life and death. Hospitals were something I would never understand.
I focused on the four walls that surrounded me. To my right was a small window that gave a not-so-picturesque view of the building next door. Below that lay a familiar figure. Dad had passed out on the couch, if you could even call it that. It was a hideous shade of muted tan, and the cushions looked like they’d been there since before I was born—scraggly and missing their insides. I wasn’t sure how one could even fall asleep here, but Dad looked rather peaceful, minus that fact that his body was far too long, leaving his legs dangling off the end.
Peering around, the rest of the room was unoccupied other than the ancient TV that hung on the wall and the beeping machines that were still connected to me. I tried to position myself upright only to notice the heavy weight on my left side.
I looked down to see my mom’s body draped over my cold hospital bed. Her tall, slender frame looked so vulnerable, with half of her body sitting in a hard foldable chair and the other half as close to me as humanly possible. One hand interlocked with mine while the other rested up next to my face. She’d fallen asleep, and knowing her, she’d probably not done much of that since the accident. At this point, I wasn’t sure how long ago that was.
“MJ?”
“Mom.” My voice quivered. “I… I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
Emotion filled my body, leaving me feeling paralyzed. I didn’t know if it was the realization that I was in fact okay or simply just seeing my parents, but either way, I was a mess. Tears hovered at the edge of my lids but only for a moment before I couldn’t stop them from falling. The warm wetness trickled down my cheek and I gripped her arm.
As Mom peered up, our eyes locked, and I knew something wasn’t right.
“Oh, MJ. My girl.” Her voice was empty. She stood, leaning over to give me a proper hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I… I don’t know what I would’ve done had you…” Her words came in short spurts. “I love you big.”
“I know, Mom. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her hands fumbled with mine.
The commotion must have woken Dad because he shifted into a sitting position.
“Oh, sweet girl, you scared us. Your mom and I thought we…” He trailed off.
“When can I go see Liv?” As glad as I was to see them, I needed to see her before I could really take a deep breath. I took their silence as an invitation to keep talking. “I begged the doctor to let me go see her, but he refused. I know I have a broken leg and all, but he could’ve at least wheeled me to see her, you know?”
This time, the silence surprised me.
“Mom… Dad?” I questioned.
“MJ, sweetheart. Liv, she…” she stuttered.
“Oh god.” I shuffled on the bed. “How bad is it? I knew when I saw all that blood that she’d been hurt, badly. Can I please go see her?” I pleaded. The desperation in my voice spilled over into my bodily movements, making me antsy.
Mom opened her mouth to speak, but not before the door to my hospital room creaked open.
John and Jess, Olivia’s parents, stepped inside.
“Jess.” A faint smile crossed my face as a wave of relief crashed into me.
Seeing her parents was the closest thing I’d had to seeing Olivia since the accident. But my relief was quickly washed away as their faces moved into the light. Jess’s mascara-stained cheeks and John’s eyes, puffy behind his glasses, gave way to their emotional state.
As much as I wanted to say something, I couldn’t. I was too afraid.
“MJ.” Mom’s voice caught me off guard, but I moved my attention to her.
“What it is? Whatever you have to tell me, I can handle it. I’ll be by Olivia’s side no matter what. Her recovery is my recovery. I just need to know, and I need to see her. Now.” My voice was uneasy.
Jess walked over to the other side of my bed and grabbed my hand.
Her eyes never met mine. Instead, she stared at our joint hands. “Oh, my sweet girl.” She went to speak again but was overcome with emotion, the words lodged in her throat.
John’s tired voice chimed in from behind her. “Olivia didn’t make it. Her injuries were too severe. We lost her on the way to the hospital.”
I heard the first four words, but everything after was just noise.
The walls around me caved in with each breath I took. My breaths became shorter and more rapid. I reached for the hospital bed rails, grasping for anything that would anchor me.
The air in the room was scarce and I was terrified my next gasp would leave me breathless, but I spoke anyway. “No.” Shaking my head, I continued. “No… She can’t be gone. You’re wrong. I made them take her out of the car first. She would’ve gotten help before me.”
“They did everything they could,” Dad said.
I wanted to scream or throw something, but the reality hung heavy around us and my tears turned audible.
John’s head dropped like he didn’t want to believe it either. Jess turned, collapsing into his embrace, as her sobs echoed through the room. Mom and Dad pretended to be brave for me, I knew, but I could see the devastation engulfing them with each second that passed.
It didn’t matter who Olivia’s biological parents were. In front of me stood two sets of parents that’d both lost a daughter in one way or another.
I swallowed, forcing the nausea down. “I don’t understand. I don’t know how to do life without her.”
“None of us do,” Mom replied.
I broke at her words. The unbearable truth of what lay in front of us was something I couldn’t stomach.
A life without Olivia was a life I didn’t think I could survive.