Chapter 6
There remained only a little over a week before the wedding day—and Bridie knew that her plans must move forward if she was to achieve her aims.
Money was the difficult part, of course.
It didn’t belong to her, not yet—and so she couldn’t simply go and purchase herself a ticket to the nearest eastern harbor, so many miles away, and then find a ticket to Ireland.
Time was involved—time, and effort, and finances to follow through.
She didn’t even know how much money she would need.
But as often seemed to happen, the answer came from Jed himself, without Bridie even needing to ask.
One afternoon, as they took their now customary walk through the meadows, he broached the subject of a wedding gift.
“I wish I could think of the perfect present,” he confessed.
“But I don’t reckon it’s in my makeup. I only want to make you happy, Bridie—and I’m going to do my best as your husband.
But a girl like you deserves a wedding gift, too, something special.
” She shivered a little under the intense fondness in his eyes as he gazed down at her.
It was still strange to be looked at as though—as though she were loved.
But she was getting accustomed to it, she had to admit.
“It’s tricky,” he said, smiling. “I don’t want to disappoint you, but I want to read your heart, at the same time. ”
She couldn’t help but smile back at him.
“Suppose I tell you what I want, and you provide it,” she said. “In return, I pretend it’s a complete surprise and ask you how on earth you knew exactly what I was dreaming of?”
She batted her eyelashes at him and responded to his laugh with a chuckle of her own.
“Now, there’s an idea,” he said. “You’re the smarter of the two of us, and no doubt about it, Miss Bridget. All right, then. What’ll it be? Gold? A horse of your own? A puppy?”
She opened her mouth to respond at once—and then thought better of it.
She knew that she had to ask for money. It would be crass enough to do so, but how much worse if he didn’t give her enough!
No, better to wait and find out how much the ticket to Ireland would cost—and then, perhaps, add in a bit more for good measure, just to ensure that she had enough to eat and be comfortable along the way.
It was tempting to ask for even more than that, to find a place to live once she arrived—but a guilty conscience stopped her from even thinking of it.
There was a limit to what she was willing to ask for, from this kind-hearted man who looked at her as though she had hung the stars.
If she didn’t hold firm to her resolve to push forward with her plan, it would have been all too easy to shrink back even now, change her mind, and stay. Stay here in Galveston, as the wife of Jed McHale—there were certainly worse ways to spend her days.
But it wasn’t what her heart wanted, she reminded herself.
“May I think it over for a while?” she asked at last.
He smiled and nodded.
“Of course, Bridie. Only—not too long. I’d like to secure whatever you’d like before the wedding day, and it isn’t that far off.”
She didn’t need the reminder. The wedding preparations were nearly finished, but she had one more fitting in town with the dressmaker and a few odds and ends to take care of.
There would be plenty of time to stop by the ticketing office to find out how much it would cost her to travel to the East Coast and then to buy her ticket on the next steamer.
From there—what would be the next step? She so rarely thought beyond her arrival in Ireland, the place that had shaped her childhood and which still haunted her dreams. Everything would be wonderful; she was certain of that.
It would be like stepping back in time to a day when everything was easy and free.
Certainly, there would be none of the complicated, painful emotions that she found herself contending with here in Galveston!
She would transform into the best version of herself, perhaps even feel younger—the same way she did when she was a child, when the world was new, and everything was possible…
On the practical side—which she knew she must force herself to face, sooner or later—she supposed that she would have to find money and lodging.
Well, she could find work and pay her own way.
There would be connections who remembered her family, she was certain of it, once she arrived back in Kinsale.
Even if she stayed in Cork or Cobh, she would likely be able to find family—though her memories of her father’s family were hazy at best, and of her mother’s she could remember nothing at all.
There had been a grandmother, she recalled; one of her earliest memories was attending the funeral, outside the little church in Kinsale, to see her grandmother laid to rest. But surely there was more waiting for her in Ireland than the gravestones of those who had been lost to time.
Surely her future was there for her, brilliant and sparkling like the waves of the port in the sunlight.
She could see it so clearly in her mind—stumbling across some old castle that had belonged to the Hamilton family in antiquity, to be welcomed in by the gatekeeper, someone who had been keeping a watchful eye on the edifice until its true owner should return.
The man would come out to greet her with a warm smile, an intensity shining in his brown eyes, strong hand reaching for hers…
It seemed ridiculous that every daydream about Ireland should be invaded by thoughts of Jed McHale. After all, he wasn’t going to be there!
And yet—again it happened, and again and again.
It was guilt, she told herself, nothing but guilt—and she ought to feel guilty.
She had to face up to it. She was planning to treat him very poorly.
It wasn’t his fault that her father had set this up without her knowledge, any more than it was her own!
They were both victims in this—and the guilt she felt was honest. She could not evade it, but nor could she act in any other way.
She’d made her decision long ago. She wasn’t about to turn her back on her dreams now.
Besides, Jed McHale would be just fine without her. He would have to be—for she had no intention of coming back.
Still, the guilt was stronger than she would have expected—far stronger than she would have liked, had she a choice in the matter.
Jed McHale was a good man—too good to be mistreated by Bridie Hamilton or anyone else.
As the day of her wedding drew inexorably closer, she found herself pondering the conundrum more and more often.
Perhaps he should marry someone else! He clearly wanted to be married; he was ready to be a husband, and she knew now that she could trust him to pour his whole heart into making his wife happy.
Add to that the fact that he was rich and handsome, and surely any girl would be quite happy to have him sweep her off her feet—provided that the girl in question was not planning a spectacular return to her ancestral homeland, of course.
But Jed’s words about the difficulty of finding a woman who he was sure loved him for him, and not for his money, came back to Bridie again and again—and each time, it hurt a little more. After all, wasn’t that precisely what she was doing—marrying him for his money?
And it wouldn’t serve her purposes at all if Jed married someone else—unless she went back to her other plan and took up work at the mercantile to slowly earn her passage to Ireland herself.
The thought had an appeal, despite the fact that she knew it would take years—after all, it was far more honest than her original plan.
But every time Jed looked at her, she was reminded of how difficult it would be to convince him to let her go in favor of marrying someone else.
He needed someone who would undeniably, unquestionably be good to him.
Someone sweet and kind, someone he could fall in love with, as he seemed to have fallen for Bridie…
The idea came to her four days before the wedding, like a bolt out of the blue.
Ella!
He needed Ella!
Suddenly, the way things had turned out seemed to have the golden touch of providence.
Of course, John Hamilton ought to have arranged for his second daughter to marry instead of his first—it all made sense!
Bridie was the one most able to work, not Ella; she would have done more good if she’d stayed home and helped pay down her father’s debt.
Ella was the perfect bride and, even more, the perfect wife, especially for a man as good as Jed McHale.
She was kind and sweet, and quiet, willing to do as she was told.
She made no grand plans or mischievous schemes.
She was far and away the better of the two—and Bridie felt no embarrassment in admitting as much to herself, with absolute frankness.
Yes—if Ella married Jed, it would answer everything. And there would still be a connection between them—perhaps, if she asked nicely and played it carefully, Jed would still give her enough money to pay for her passage to Ireland, as a favor to his new bride.
All that it would take was conditioning Ella’s mind to be favorably disposed to Jed—and likewise for Jed toward Ella.
She resolved to put the plan into motion that very evening at supper.
After all, it was only a few days before their wedding.
Both Jed and Ella ought to have some notice that one of the chief players in the union was about to change!
It wouldn’t be playing fair to spring it on them as a complete surprise.
She set to with a will as soon as they sat down at the table.
“Ella,” she said brightly, “did you know that Jed has the finest horses in the whole county?”
Ella glanced up from her plate, a tentative smile tugging at her lips. Bridie thought her sister was very pretty—surely Jed must think so, too!
“The four that drew the carriage when you collected me from the train were very fine,” she said. “And so perfectly matched.”
“Perfectly matched—such a wonderful thing,” Bridie said. “Ella adores horses, Jed. I don’t suppose you knew that.”
He was smiling too, though he looked a bit bemused.
“I didn’t, actually,” he said. “But I’m glad to hear it. I’ve always loved them myself.”
“Jed trains them,” Bridie informed her sister.
“Oh, how wonderful!” Ella’s eyes were shining. They were a bit of a lighter blue than Bridie’s, but still very pretty for all that—surely Jed must notice. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to ride.”
Jed tilted his head curiously.
“Don’t they teach you how to ride in Boston?”
Ella bit her lip and shook her head, lowering her gaze as though embarrassed. She ought to explain, Bridie thought, willing her sister to speak up—but speaking up had never been Ella’s strong suit.
“Not girls like us,” Bridie said at last, explaining for her.
“After all, we live in the city. We’ve always walked everywhere we’ve needed to go.
I suppose if we had had more money, Pa could have arranged for it.
Ella would have loved it, I know. I wouldn’t have cared so much,” she went on, recklessly throwing herself under the metaphorical carriage.
“I’ve always preferred other animals—like cats. You don’t care for cats, do you, Jed?”
He was looking even more puzzled now—and she couldn’t blame him. She could hear her own rather aggressive tone.
“I don’t mind ‘em,” he said. “There’s some cats in the barn.”
“But you like horses and dogs better,” she said.
“So does Ella. Especially horses—and I know how proud you are of yours.” She took a sip from her glass, wishing there were something stronger than cold tea in it to give her the courage she needed to continue with her plan.
Oh, well, she would have to make do on her own.
“Why don’t you teach Ella to ride? It would be the joy of the year for her. ”
“Oh, I don’t know…” Ella began, demurring, but Bridie gave her a short shake of the head.
“Now, don’t be bashful. You’ll be an excellent horsewoman, I know it. Not like me. I’d be terrible at it.”
Her evidently cheerful denigration of herself had not gone unnoticed by Jed, who gave her a faint frown.
“I reckon you’d be just as fine as anyone else,” he said. “You’ve a sure hand about you, Bridie, I’ve always noted that.”
“Not at all!” she said, sitting up straight. “I’m shaky as a leaf when it comes to anything important—Ella’s the steady one. Say, Jed, why don’t you introduce her to the horses after supper?”
With the early twilight of the aging year, they had taken to eating supper early, in order to allow them a half hour of light after the meal—a half hour of light that she usually spent with Jed, walking through the meadow to watch the sunset. Her sudden suggestion made his brow furrow.
“Well…”
“It would make her very happy,” she pressed on, relentlessly. “And that would make me happy, too.”
It was this last that won him over, against his protests. He nodded in agreement—though he didn’t look happy about it.
But his lack of happiness was nothing compared to the anguish that twisted in Bridie’s stomach at the apparent success of the first step of her plan.
If Jed was to fall in love with Ella, the two would have to spend time together—but as supper went on, all Bridie could dwell on was that thought.
The two of them walking to the barn, close beside each other; the horses whickering in welcome, and Ella reaching up to smooth her hand over their glossy necks, with Jed whispering encouragement in her ear…
The jolt of pain in her stomach caught her by surprise with its intensity. She actually dropped her fork onto her plate with a clatter. Jed looked up with concern.
“Bridie? Are you all right?”
Ella, too, reached over to lay a hand on hers, blue eyes wide and worried. Bridie took a deep breath and managed a smile.
“I’m just fine,” she said, knowing full well that it was a lie.
Things had gotten even more complicated than she had thought. She knew what that dart of pain was—she recognized it, though she hadn’t expected it.
It was jealousy.