2. Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Violet
“ Y ou’ve been isolated from the pack for a year, and while I understand this is the way you’ve chosen to cope, we need to get you back among the people who love you. You and your wolf will never heal by yourself. We’re pack animals, Violet. We need each other to thrive,” Dr. Estelle Campbell, my psychologist for the last year, droned on. “Can we set up a few small steps and goals for you this week?”
“I’ve been trying,” I answered, frustrated. “I try every day. Do you know how many times I’ve stood at those gates, trying to take a step out? Or how many times I’ve tried to go to dinner at the pack house with my family? It’s not like I’m not trying!”
“How many times in the last three months?” she asked, which shut me up.
“I’m tired of failing,” I answered quietly, looking down at my hands as I picked at the cuticles.
“It is not failing, Violet. It is healing, and it’s more complicated than simply being able to do something on any given day. You’re going to have setbacks. You can go to dinner with a crowd one day, and the next, you’re going to be overwhelmed and stay home. The important part is trying. You can’t give up on yourself or the life you want to have.”
“Everyone still looks at me funny,” I mumbled.
“They are trying to understand what you need from them. They want to help you, but they don’t know how.”
“No. It’s pity. Pity for poor Violet, the Alpha’s little princess who didn’t even get a skinned knee growing up, and suddenly, she lost her mate and was raped in the span of months, and now she can’t even be in the same room with people.”
“Does the pack know you lost your mate now?” she asked, making me look back up at her. I bit my lip and shook my head. I made everyone in my family promise to keep it to themselves.
“How about we try one family dinner this week and one pack dinner? Tell your mom you want to eat with the pack, and you want to get there early so no one can surprise you. Sit at the alpha table, and if you get overwhelmed, ask one of your siblings to escort you to the conference rooms so you can calm down?”
I bit my lip again to stop it from trembling. “I don’t want to make them uncomfortable with all of my issues. It’s been a year. They’ve all moved on, and I’m still stuck. It’s not fair to any of them.”
“These are self-deprecating words, Violet, and we’ve discussed you having them even before everything happened last year. No one but you thinks they need to be healed by now. You’re doing yourself a disservice by not asking for help and you’re not being fair to your family by not letting them help you.”
I sighed because she had a point. Dr. Campbell thought that because I was a middle child, I had developed this line of thinking that I was bothering everyone whenever I had a problem. She pointed out how much help Cory got when the attacks on our pack happened. How Lucien moved back home while his mate Cecilia was pregnant and put on bed rest after she was shot, so mom could help take care of her while Lucien worked. Areli called Mom every day after taking on the role of Luna unexpectedly. Bells had people help her after her pack was attacked last year. Why couldn’t I ask for help?
“I will try,” I conceded.
We talked for a little while longer before she left, and I briefly wondered if she was sick of having to walk here. It was only supposed to be temporary, these visits, until I was ready to go to her office, but it hadn’t happened yet.
I walked over and grabbed my tablet, opened my book up, and settled back in bed. Reading books was now about eighty percent of my life.
A year ago, I found my mate, and five minutes later, he was killed when men attacked Blue Moon, my sister Areli’s pack, during a full moon celebration. Months later, my best friend Tori and I were kidnapped by men working for the Aztec God of Darkness, Tezcatlipoca. He wanted to kill my uncle Helios, the Aztec God Huitzilopochtli, and anyone associated with him. While my family searched for us, Tori was killed, and I was raped.
I wasn’t the only one hurt during this time, but I seemed the only one stuck in that moment. Ever since the incident, I couldn’t be surrounded by people for too long. I freaked out when someone, especially men, came near me, and I couldn’t handle men outside of my family touching me.
The day I was kidnapped was the first time I had left the pack grounds since the day of the massacre that took my mate, and it was the last time I had stepped foot outside since I came home.
Most of my friends stopped texting me after trying to get me out of the house for months. The only one still coming around was Danielle, but she only came around when she was on break from law school. I sighed, thinking about how much she was accomplishing. I had been about to start my last year of school and deferred, thinking I would be over my trauma by now. If I wasn’t able to get through my issues, I would never finish my degree in graphic design. I needed to make a decision, and I always sucked at those. I was probably going to have to defer another year.
It was in times like these that I really missed my wolf, Nenetl. She was still there in the back of my mind, but ever since she was suppressed and watched what happened to me while I was kidnapped, she’d stopped talking to me or coming forward. Dr. Campbell thought it was misplaced guilt and her own trauma. I missed her, though. She was my perfect balance. She was good with decisions and had great instincts, but she felt it was her fault for pushing me to go to the mall with Tori that day.
I heard knocking coming from the end of the hall, then a little closer. It was Mom and Dad’s method of ensuring they didn’t startle me, and it reminded me that I had turned everyone’s life upside down. The knock was finally at my door, and I set my tablet to the side.
“Come in,” I called.
Dad opened the door and came and sat at the edge of the bed. He set a plate down on the nightstand with a wrap, fruit and chips.
“How are you doing today? Did you see Dr. Campbell?” he asked, speaking quietly. That was the only way he spoke to me now.
“Yes. I’ve just been reading since she left,” I answered, trying to smile.
“What are you reading today?” he asked, grasping at ways to keep the conversation going now that I was afraid of everything.
“Someone on a Reddit thread recommended the Kingkiller Chronicles Trilogy. I’m on the second book,” I answered.
Dad winced, and I cocked my head, confused.
“I’m still waiting for the third one to come out,” he explained.
“Shit. Since when?” I asked, cursing myself for not checking if the series was complete.
“2011,” he said, his face full of sympathy and mirth.
“Fuck.” I deflated, then slapped my hands to my mouth, making Dad laugh. I covered my face with my hands and whined, “But it’s so good.”
“And hopefully, I get to read the ending before I die,” he joked. I let out a small giggle and popped a grape in my mouth. We talked a little more about the book and where I was in the story before he got to the subject of what he came for.
“Uncle Diego is landing in about an hour and a half. Mom is heading over to the kitchen to cook a meal for the pack and the family. I just wanted to let you know we won’t be home for dinner. I can bring you some food when she’s done, okay?” I stared at my father for a few more minutes, the psychologist’s words running through my head.
“Bug?” Dad rarely used the nickname Cory loved so much, so it brought me out of my thoughts to find him looking at me with concern.
“Can I-Can I try to go?” I asked quietly. I hated seeing the hope that came into his eyes, so I felt the need to make an addendum. “I don’t know if I can stay, but I want to try.”
“That’s fine, Vi. We can do whatever you need us to do. I’ll come grab you when Diego arrives?” he asked.
“Okay,” I answered meekly, trying to fight the need to take my words back and tell him I’d stay here alone.
Uncle Diego was a good man, and I hoped so were my cousins, but I didn’t know them very well, and I was nervous to be sitting so close to any of them.
Still, I promised Dr. Campbell I would try, and I knew it would mean a lot to my parents. So I bit my tongue until after Dad left and then tried to distract myself with the book.
Sometime around four thirty, I stopped reading and went to shower, trying not to bite my nails, which were no more than stubs these days.
‘You ready, Bug? I’m your escort today. Dad went to grab Uncle Diego. He’s a few minutes away,’ Cory mind-linked me.
‘Yes.’
I headed down to the living room and paced the door. When I heard Cory's triple knock, I grabbed the door nob to open the door and froze.
I can do this. I can do this. The pack is safe. I repeated over in my mind, trying to talk myself into following through with my intentions.
“I’ll be with you every step of the way, Bug.” Cory’s soft voice from the other side of the door calmed my panic, and I finally turned the handle. “You look very pretty,” he said, smiling down at me and holding his arm out. I tucked my arm around his, and we walked down to the pack house, using the safety he provided as my strength.
Evie was already waiting outside of the pack house—one of the twins on her hip and the other one in Meli’s arms. I untangled myself from Cory and took the twin from Meli. I recognized I was holding Leo from the little freckle on the top of his ear. I hugged him tightly to me and smelled his tiny little head happily.
I only got to see them when they came over for dinner once a week. I loved pups, and my brothers’ kids were so adorable that I always melted when I was around them. I watched the SUVs driving toward the pack house and tensed. I hugged and inhaled Leo’s baby smell to calm myself and scooted a little closer to my brother as the vehicles parked, trying hard to focus on anything but the panic I felt rising inside me.
From my left, Jo ran up and hugged his uncle and grandmother as they exited the first SUV. The man was Uncle Diego’s Gamma and often traveled to visit. A moment later, Melinda squealed from behind me when she saw another woman exiting the SUV, and I flinched, startled.
“Sorry,” she whispered before rushing to hug the older woman.
"Viniste, Mami!” (You came, Mom!) she squealed.
“Claro, mija. Con las noticias que me diste, como no venir?” (Of course I did. With the news you gave me, how could I not?)
‘What news?’ I asked Cory, who grinned down at me as he waited for Uncle Diego’s SUV to start opening and letting people out.
‘Melinda’s pregnant. Due in another three months,’ he replied, happiness in his voice.
‘More pups!’ I squealed happily back.
‘Yep.’
Uncle Diego climbed out of the last SUV with Dad and strutted up the steps with his mate, Ana, dragging behind as Melinda embraced her. She started up the steps, laughing at her mate as if she knew what he was going to say. Everyone knew what he was going to say as he approached Cory.
“Tocayo! How’s your wolf?”
Cory chuckled and hugged him. Cory and Uncle Diego’s wolves were both named Tenoch. Since the day he found out, Uncle Diego made it a point to remind everyone of this when they got together by calling him “Tocayo,” which was a word of camaraderie in Mexico usually done by people who shared the same name. Uncle Diego pulled back and turned his attention to the twins. “And there are the little heirs. I can’t believe I’m getting old.”
“Tell me about it,” Dad answered as he walked up the steps.
Uncle Diego took little Lucas from Evie, and I breathed a small sigh of relief that I hoped no one noticed. If he had his hands full, he couldn’t hug me. I loved Uncle Diego, but he wasn’t one of the people I was comfortable touching right now. That would take time, and he was never here long enough for me to get there. His son wasn’t ready to take the Alpha title yet, so he could only get away for small periods of time.
“You guys are barely fifty. That’s like a third of your lifespan,” Cory rolled his eyes.
Uncle Diego came up to me and smiled.
“Really good to see you, Violet.” He patted my shoulder lightly with a wide smile but thankfully kept his distance. I didn’t want to ask, but I would bet my trust fund Dad explained things on the way here, and I was grateful he respected my boundaries. Uncle Diego was a big hugger.
We walked inside, and Mom came running out of the kitchen, a big smile on her face when she saw me and veered straight to Uncle Diego for a big hug. Dad sidled up to Mom when she released Uncle Diego, placing his arm securely around her waist and kissing her temple. Even after almost thirty years of being together, he still couldn’t spend much time apart from her.
Evie walked over and tried to take Leo away, but I shook my head. He was my safety blanket and my buffer right now. If I could get through this, it would be thanks to him.
Evie nodded in understanding, and we headed into the dining room. I went to sit down at the corner of the family table, but Cory guided me to the seat next to him. When I looked at him with a question, he shrugged.
“I told you I’d be right there next to you,” he whispered.
Dad sat to the other side of me, and people began to filter in. There was surprise on the faces of some of the pack members when they caught sight of me, but no one mentioned anything. The dinner was going well, and I was starting to relax until nature called, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.
I passed Leo to Cory and told him I was heading to the bathroom, using the side entrance to avoid everyone, and using the bathroom down the conference room hallway. No one usually came down this way except ranked members.
I was on my way back when I rounded the corner and bumped into a hard chest. Hands grabbed me by the shoulders, and panic hit my frame when I looked up at the face of one of the pack’s warriors.
Flashes of hands all over my body had me backing away and hitting the wall. I slid down and cowered, unable to process his words while I tried to drown out the sounds and the feelings in my body. My vision blurred, and black spots began to appear as I tried and failed to breathe.
I could barely hear him asking if I was okay through the blood rushing in my ears. A part of me could recognize the words trying to help me, not hurt me, but a bigger part of me was too out of control to listen.
“Step the fuck away from her! You’re terrifying her!” I heard someone else’s voice from behind over the rushing of blood in my ears.
Something about the voice was comforting, and my racing heart started calming when I caught the smell of mesquite. I took a deep, gasping breath, and my eyes cleared enough to focus on a concerned pair of cinnamon-brown eyes looking at me.
“I didn’t do anything!” I heard from behind before footsteps receded.
“Violet? It’s okay. He’s gone. He won’t touch you.” Christopher's voice finally broke through the panic, and I let out a small sob of relief. “It’s just Derek. He’s a warrior and a good guy. He won’t touch you, okay? Can you take a deep breath?”
His tone was low and soothing, and he began taking deep breaths to show me what to do. Slowly, the panic receded, and I pulled him into a hug as I flashed back to the night he saved me.
“I’ll take you home, Violet. It’s okay.” I felt my body lifting, but before he could move, I shook my head. “Where do you need to go? Should I mind-link Alpha Cory?” he asked.
“Conference room. I need to calm down,” I managed to say. I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night with my issues.
“Alright.”
Moments later, Christopher sat me down on the table, and it took me a moment longer before I was able to release him.
“Thank you,” I whispered, unable to look at him as shame started replacing every other feeling in my chest.
“Can I get you something?” he asked. “Or someone to help you?” I stared at his shoulder, unable to meet his eye and shook my head.
I could do this. I psyched myself up. I needed to do this for my family.
‘ Bug? Are you okay?’ Cory mind-linked me as Christopher and I stood in silence for goddess knew how many minutes.
‘I’m okay. I just needed a little breathing room,’ I lied.
‘Do you want me to take you home?’
‘No. I’ll be there in a bit. I promise,’ I answered.
‘Okay, but don’t push yourself so hard. You’ve already done a lot today.’
If he only knew.
‘Save me some dessert,’ I replied and cut off the mind-link.
I looked up and finally met Christopher’s eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I told him weakly, but Christopher didn’t address my apology.
“What can I do to help?” he asked instead. I hesitated. I didn’t want to ask him for anything but at the same time...
“Can you stay here with me for a few minutes?” I didn’t want to be alone in a room that wasn’t mine.
Christopher grunted in response and sat down on the chair. I looked at my hands and played with my fingers, listening to my heart slow its beatings.
Occasionally, I snuck some glances at Christopher and wondered what he was thinking. He was a strong warrior, the son of two great warriors. His dad, Gabriel, was my mom’s personal guard for almost thirty years, from the day she came to Crescent Moon. Christopher’s mom, Brenda, was our guard, one of two after I was born. Christopher himself was one of Cory’s most trusted warriors. He was the one who found me in the room and killed the man that had been raping me when they stormed into the warehouse where I was being held.
What did he think of one of the Alpha’s children being unable to take the most basic physical contact without freaking out a year after I was kidnapped? Weak. That was what I was. I had always been the weakest one of my siblings.
Shaking my head at what Dr. Campbell would call self-deprecating thoughts, I took a deep breath and hopped off the table. Christopher stood up with me, and I gave him a wan smile.
“Thank you. I’m going back to dinner.” Christopher grunted in acknowledgement and followed as I left the conference room. “You don’t need to follow,” I told him, though in truth, I was relieved he was next to me.
“I was headed to dinner,” he answered me quietly.
“Oh.” I turned and walked into the dining room, unable to look at him again, my face burning with embarrassment. I sat between Cory and Dad again and took baby Lucas from Dad’s arms.
“Are you okay?” Dad asked, and I gave him a strained smile.
“I’m good.”
Cory pushed a small plate with flan toward me, and I sighed as I tasted the sweet custard. I dipped my finger into the caramel sauce on top and gave Lucas a taste. I laughed when he tried to put my whole hand in his mouth. Dr. Campbell caught my eyes from one of the tables in the dining room and smiled encouragingly at me. I returned a strained one of my own. I was trying, and I hoped to hell she was right.