42. Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Two
Bellarose
I was starting to get worried. I was sleeping too much. I barely had more than an hour of energy during the day. I’d slept most of the two days I’d been at Crescent Moon. My body felt heavy and achy. Like I was deep underwater. Everything I did felt like a huge effort.
There was another thing that was worrying me. Coyo was very lethargic. She barely even bothered to lift her head when I tried to talk to her. I’d been telling everyone I was fine, but I was beginning to doubt my own words. I even asked Evie about her pregnancy with the twins. She said she would get tired, but nothing worse than having to take a nap halfway through the day.
My doctor’s appointment was today. So, was Chris and Violet’s, and they agreed to do them together again. I wanted to feel bad for intruding in their moment of joy that should have been private, but I was eternally grateful they were doing it, nonetheless. I knew they were trying their best to make sure I didn’t feel alone.
I still hadn’t heard from Cade, though now I knew where he’d move his pack grounds. There was a forest that had been government property about fifteen minutes away from here. A part of it even wrapped around Crescent Moon borders. Cory told me they’d given his pack the bid because he’d been displaced by the wildfires, and being werewolves themselves, it didn’t threaten to expose the supernatural world to humans.
Cade was so close and yet, I felt like he was an ocean away. His cold silence stung, especially knowing he was aware I was here.
A knock on the door made me swing my feet off the bed, and then I followed Chris and Violet to the hospital. Dr. Roswell, Evie’s mom, walked into the appointment room and smiled at us.
“I heard you guys want to do this together?” she asked.
“If that’s alright,” I answered. “We’re due like two weeks apart.”
“Of course, it’s alright. It saves me a spiel,” she giggled.
“That’s what the clinic doctor said,” Violet replied, laughing along with her.
“I’d imagine most doctors have their ‘what to expect when you’re expecting,’ memorized after the first two hundred times,” Dr. Roswell explained.
A nurse walked in and placed two trays of needles and blood collection tubes. Dr. Roswell took Violet’s blood, and the sight of it started making me queasy. When she inserted the needle into my arm, and I watched the blood being drawn, everything went black.
I woke up to find Dr. Roswell, Violet and Chris hovering over me.
“What happened?” I asked.
“You fainted,” Violet answered.
“Why?”
“Seeing the blood, I think. Your blood pressure tanked and your heartbeat is a little slower than I’d expect,” Dr. Roswell replied.
“But, I have seen blood since I got pregnant. It didn’t make me pass out.” I was confused. I literally tore Martha in half without any issues. Why now?
“All pregnancies are different. I’ll ask some questions before we do the ultrasounds, and I drew a bit more blood than usual to do a full panel of tests, just to be sure,” Dr. Roswell assured me.
I nodded, dread starting to fill me. Something felt off and I hoped it was just my paranoid imagination. Dr. Roswell asked Violet a lot of questions and seemed satisfied with her answers. She asked me the same questions and then a ton more, but the only thing that seemed to trigger some kind of concern was how much I was sleeping.
“She was barely eating the last week we were at Redmon. Maybe she’s feeling the effects of that?” Violet provided.
“It could be. Lack of nutrition is concerning at the start of a pregnancy. Especially with twins. Your body is trying to grow two full bodies while still providing your own body with enough nutrients to function. I’m going to give you some vitamins that are better for werewolves than the ones you’re currently taking. I want you to link me if anything else feels off. Day or night.”
I nodded, biting my lip and feeling guilty. I had tried to eat as much as I could, but my grief over losing Adam was too great, and I could barely stomach small amounts of food without feeling like it was going to come back up.
“Are there any other symptoms that might be concerning?”
“Coyo’s been very lethargic. She barely gets up. She sleeps even more than I do.”
Dr. Roswell’s frown deepened.
“When was the last time you felt her being active?” she asked, her concern worrying me even more.
“After A-Adam was taken,” I swallowed.
“Adam was your son, correct?”
“Is. Adam is my son. He’s still alive.”
I wanted to growl, but instead, I felt tears coming to my eyes.
“I-I apologize, Bells. I only know bits and pieces. It sounds like your wolf is depressed. Is she in pain?”
“I don’t think so, she just sleeps all day. Hardly talks. Even now, she knows we’re talking about her, but she’s barely even lifting her head. My body does feel a bit heavy, too.”
“Are you seeing Dr. Campbell? Does she find her actions normal?”
“No. I have my first appointment tomorrow,” I admitted.
Dr. Roswell was quiet for a moment as she thought and I didn’t like the way she considered me before speaking. As if she was afraid of what she needed to say. Eventually, she sighed and leaned forward, making some notes on my file.
“Okay. So, I’m going to make sure they check for several more things with your blood test. If your wolf is in bad shape, perhaps you’ve developed anemia. It’s not common with werewolves, but it has been seen with people who have lost a mate, or had other significant losses during pregnancy. I’ll make sure they put a rush on your results so we can avoid unnecessary stress. Let’s not worry too much just yet, okay?”
“Okay,” I answered, but I knew I was lying. I was going to worry until I knew what was wrong. These pups were all I had left. If I lost them...
“Let’s check on those babies, yeah?” Dr. Roswell suggested, trying to pull me out of my worry.
I nodded and Violet squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back, unable to use my voice.
“Who wants to go first?” Dr. Roswell asked, motioning to the bed by the ultrasound machine.
“Bells can go first,” Violet answered for me, and I was grateful she could read me like a book.
If I had to wait to ensure my pups were doing fine, I was going to have a nervous breakdown.
“How far along are you now?” Dr. Roswell asked.
“About six weeks, I think?” I answered, trying to math in my head.
“I think we should be able to use the regular transducer for you, then. How about you, Violet?”
“Almost the same,” she blushed.
“Okay. We’ll try the big transducer on you both and if it doesn’t work, we’ll go from there.”
“Okay,” Vi and I both answered.
I sat down and laid back, Vi standing next to me, with Chris at her side. I couldn’t begin to tell them how much I appreciated their support. Vi, I knew would always be there for me, but Chris didn’t have to, yet he was a silent force of support.
I pulled up my blouse, a smile on my face despite my worry, when I saw the tiny bump visible from this angle.
Please be okay, my pups, I prayed silently.
Dr. Roswell put gel on my stomach, and I inhaled. The damn thing felt so cold. My eyes were rooted on the monitor though, waiting for the moment when they showed me my pups again.
“There we go,” Dr. Roswell said, turning the monitor so I could see the picture better. “You can see how they’ve formed now. That’s baby one and baby two.”
She moved the wand around and then two sets of heartbeats were booming out of the little speakers. Tears I’d been holding back fell, as I heard their tiny little heartbeats beating so fast.
“Should it be that fast?” Chris asked.
“Yep. Strong, steady heartbeats for both of them. They’re going to be big pups, which tracks since you carry alpha blood from both of your parents, Bells.” I sighed with relief and slumped back. Dr. Roswell smiled sympathetically at my visible relief. “I’ll give you a recording of this after, okay?”
“Really? Thank you!”
Dr. Roswell took a bunch of pictures and measurements, and finally removed the probe from my stomach.
“Alright, let’s get you cleaned up and we can check your sister.” She nodded at me and handed me some tissues while she cleaned the probe in her hands.
Violet lay down after I cleaned up and moved from the bed. I watched the anticipation rise on Chris’ face as Dr. Roswell applied the gel to her small stomach. It was such a sweet moment for them, and I was so happy for him and Violet. At the same time, I felt a bit of longing, knowing that I wouldn’t have that. I placed a hand on my stomach, and I smiled as I watched a grumpy man’s face break into a huge smile, and then tear up when he heard his baby’s heartbeat.
“Let’s get some lunch,” Chris told us when we left the hospital.
“I need to go nap,” I said, yawning.
“Nope. Not if you need more nutrition. I’ll be the food police with you both for the foreseeable future.”
“Bossy,” I mumbled, making Violet giggle. Before I knew it, I was wrapping my arms around the man. “Thank you,” I mumbled, before letting go and trying to blink back the tears. “Fuck pregnancy hormones,” I growled.
“Love you too, Bells,” Chris chuckled, patting my head and making me growl at him again.
“Have you talked to Cory?” Violet asked a few minutes later when we were eating in the pack house dining room.
She looked comfortable. People were walking back and forth around us, and she wasn’t even fidgeting or looking at anyone approaching with apprehension. It made me feel incredibly proud and honored to have witnessed her getting over all those fears. Now, with the pup coming, it was like she was a whole new person. Stronger than the Violet she used to be, which I thought was the best way for her to prove that Tezcatlipoca wouldn’t win.
“I did,” I answered.
“He still asking who the dad is?”
“Yes. He didn’t believe my lie.”
My twin was too damn observant, and since he already held back from saying anything before, when he thought something was off, and it resulted in the shit show that was my life, he was making sure he voiced all of his concerns now.
“Have you tried calling him again?” Chris asked.
“I-I can’t. I try to bring myself to dial but I’m not ready. Have you talked to him?” I asked them, wondering if he’d asked about me but unable to ask the question outright, afraid of the answer.
“Once or twice. I told him about Adam. I hope I didn’t overstep,” Violet told me.
“No. You didn’t, Vi,” I assured her, feeling my heart hurt at the thought that, even after finding out what happened with Adam, Cade hadn’t reached out.
I went back to my room and slept until dinner time. I probably would have slept longer, but Cory and Chris both showed up to make me go downstairs for dinner.
"What did the doctor say?" Cory asked when we sat down in the dining room.
Chris was nibbling on some snacks, waiting for Violet to be done with her appointment before eating with her, but he was watching my food intake like a hawk.
“Everything seems fine. She’s going to do blood tests and let me know if anything is wrong,” I answered Cory.
“She wasn’t concerned about how much you’re sleeping?”
“She thinks because Coyo is super tired all the time, that I might have anemia. She gave me vitamins, and said she would check for more common human pregnancy issues."
“And, that she can’t keep missing meals,” Chris ratted me out, making me glare at him, but he looked unrepentant.
I was starting to miss the quiet man who never talked back. Who was I kidding? No, I wasn’t. I felt like I had gained another big brother in my corner with him, even though I was technically older. It was nice.
“We’ll have to make sure she get lots of food, then.” Cory said to Chris, who nodded back in response, and I could see some sort of understanding passing between them, that I knew was going to make me very annoyed with both of them.
“Whatever that look was, forget it,” I warned, pointing my garlic toast at both of them.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cory denied, grinning.
“Cory, you’re still a shit liar. I saw the look. If you guys try to smother me with love and attention, I’ll hiss like a cat and run away,” I warned them.
“That’s quite the picture you paint, Bells. But, you won’t do it. You’re going to let us be overbearing brothers, bitching and moaning about it for the next twenty years, and you’ll secretly love us for it,” Cory countered, making me flip him off, but then my phone rang before I could come up with a smart ass response.
It was from an unknown number.
“Hello?” I answered, picking up the call.
“Yes, Miss Salonen?”
“That’s right. Who am I speaking to?”
“This is Marty, the insurance adjuster.”
“Oh, hello, Mr. Cormack. How can I help you?”
“I was just wanting to let you know we’ve reviewed the footage explosion in the wine cellar and determined the explosion was accidental.” Accidental, my ass. It was all Martha. “We’ll be paying out the insurance, and you should see it deposited in the next few days.”
“Thank you, Mr. Cormack. That’s a relief.”
“I hope you have a great rest of your day.”
“You, too.”
“What was that?” Cory asked once the call was done.
“Insurance. They’re paying out the explosion claim.”
“That’s great. What are you going to do with the money?” he asked.
“Three-quarters of it is going to go to Cade’s pack, since he took most of my pack members. The rest is going to Crescent Moon.”
“We don’t n—”
“It’s not my money, Cory. It was pack money. It should stay with the pack members,” I interrupted his protest, making sure he knew I wasn’t going to budge on this.
I was going to recoup some of the money I had taken out of my personal funds, but I wanted nothing to do with the rest of it.
“Okay,” he gave in, putting his hands up to show he wasn’t going to keep arguing about it. I finished eating my food and stretched.
“I think I’m going to go nap,” I said, yawning.
“Violet’s almost out of her therapy session. I’m going to go pick her up so we can eat,” Chris stood and left moments later.
“I guess I’ll go back to work,” Cory huffed.
“Needing a vacation there, brother?” I asked, picking up my plate and cleaning my area of the table with a napkin.
“Or two, or three,” he laughed. “I would settle for a weekend where I don’t have to work. It hasn’t been any of the last five.”
“Well, you can always come nap with me,” I offered, standing up with my trash once I was done.
“Another day, maybe. I have to run into the main office after lunch tomorrow to sign a bunch of paperwork and check a few things, so I need to catch up on work before I do.”
“Sucks to be you. I’m going to enjoy being unburdened for the next few months.”
I walked toward the elevator laughing at the pout on Cory’s face. By the time I got up to my room, though, I already felt like I was dead on my feet.
Coyo, please talk to me, I asked my wolf, who I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or not lately.
I — No energy. Must sleep.
That wasn’t normal. No matter what Dr. Roswell said. Coyo wasn’t even that lethargic when we lost our pup and our piss-poor excuse of a mate. I hoped I got some answers soon.
“ S o, how does this work?” I asked Dr. Campbell as I squirmed on the couch in her office. I knew I needed to be here, but it felt very awkward.
“This is your hour. You can start anywhere you’d like and we can go from there. Everyone’s therapy needs are different, and I can’t assess the best way to help you until we talk,” Dr. Campbell answered in a soothing voice that did nothing to soothe my nerves.
I hadn’t told anyone everything that happened. They just had bits and pieces of a bigger shit show of a puzzle, because I felt fucking weak knowing everything I let that family do to me.
“Okay,” I replied awkwardly, and then we lapsed into silence.
“Why don’t you start by telling me why you think you need these sessions?” she prompted.
She looked unconcerned with the way I was acting, which I hope meant it was normal to be this nervous to see a therapist. I took a deep breath in and decided what the hell. She wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, right?
“I was mated to a terrible person who treated me worse than dirt, and it made me so distrustful, that I pushed away the father of my pups, even though I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him even after having broken up for almost two months now.” I shot off, taking another deep breath before I continued.
“My mother-in-law was working for someone that wants my family dead, and all werewolves enslaved and killed or some shit like that. In her efforts to kill me, she ripped open a portal to a prison plane and let rogues escape, causing over two hundred and fifty of my pack members to die, all so her son, my mate, could kill me. I killed him instead, and I lost my pup. Two weeks ago, she almost killed my adopted pup, and the only way to save him was to give him to the guardian of the prison plane, so she could use her magic to save him. But, it means I’ll never be able to see him again. I did manage to kill my mother-in-law finally, so that’s alright.” I finished my ramble with a shrug and expelled a breath of relief.
Violet was right, just saying it out loud was already helping. Dr. Campbell’s eyes were bugging out of her head, though, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Welcome to my life, Doc, I thought.
“Sorry.” She composed herself, blushing. “Tha-That was a lot. How are you feeling about it all, right at this moment?”
“I’m sad. I miss my pup. I miss my person. I worked very hard to keep my pack afloat, just to see it crash and burn,” I answered, looking down. “And, I’m worried about Coyo and my pups.”
“Coyo is your wolf?”
“Yes.”
“What’s going on with her?”
“She’s been lethargic since we left the pack grounds to come here. She can’t even talk in full sentences, anymore. She has no energy. I have no energy either. By lunchtime, I pretty much collapse,” I explained.
“Do you think she’s depressed?” Dr. Campbell asked, putting her pen down on the coffee table with her pad and giving me her undivided attention.
“She was depressed when we lost our pup and our mate. This goes far beyond that. I-I feel like she’s dying,” I admitted for the first time.
“Let’s hope not. You guys have been through a lot and she’s still there. You have pups on the way, and that’s a lot of motivation for a wolf to keep fighting. She might be going dormant, though.”
“Isn’t that almost as bad? I’d pretty much be a human while she slumbers and there’s a chance she never wakes up from that state.”
“Yes. Both of those assessments are possible. I’d like to talk to her. Would I be able to do that?” Dr. Campbell asked.
Coyo, can you come forward and talk to Dr. Campbell? I asked my wolf, then watched with worry as my she tried to stand but collapsed. I felt tears stinging my eyes as she went back to sleep, not even uttering a word.
“She tried. She passed out trying to stand,” I answered, my lip voice trembling as I watched her breathing very shallowly.
“That’s... concerning. When did you start feeling like this?”
“A week ago,” I answered, making her frown.
“After your son was taken away?” she asked, and I nodded.
She stood up and picked up a book, but then shook her head, and put it back. She stood there looking at her shelf, with her hand to her mouth in silence, and then she came back to the seating area.
“I’m going to need to do some research. I’ve never heard of something like this happening in such a quick span of time, much less over losing a pup,” she told me, then amended, “Not that your love for your pup wasn’t great, but wolves are resilient creatures. I’ve only seen these types of symptoms when a mate dies, and it takes months for it to happen.”
“What is happening to her?”
“I-I think you’re right, Bells. I think she’s dying,” she answered, and hearing my fears coming from someone else made it feel real.
I felt tears leaving my eyes as I prepared myself to ask the question I already knew the answer to.
“But if she dies—” I started.
“You die,” she answered.
I lost the last thread of my composure and began to sob. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything we’d been through.
Fight it Coyo. We have our twins to think about, I begged my wolf, but she was unresponsive.
“Can I call someone to come pick you up?” Dr. Campbell asked once I’d calmed down a bit, but I shook my head.
“I need to think. Thank you, Dr. Campbell.”
“Bells,” she called as I stood to leave. “I’d like to be able to consult with a few people. It could be something we’re not thinking about. Would that be okay?”
“I’ll talk to Dr. Roswell about it tonight, but give me two days to figure out how to tell my family.”
I walked out of there and made my way to my room, where I crawled under the covers, holding my stomach, as I let out more tears thinking about how I was already failing my pups. Eventually, my tears ran out, and I began to plan. I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I needed to make a will and set my affairs in order. At least, I didn’t have a pack to worry about anymore.
I was calm by the time Violet came and grabbed me for dinner. I felt like I was in a fog as I watched them interact, as if the world wasn’t collapsing around me. I drank in their laughs and smiles, knowing I wouldn’t be able to watch many more of them.
After dinner, I reached out to Dr. Roswell, and I went to meet her at her house, knowing there would be concern from every angle if anyone saw her coming to my room. It took almost all of my energy to walk all the way to her house, but I stood straight when I got to her door.
“Is there somewhere we can talk in private?” I asked her quietly when I entered. I didn’t want anyone else to know until I had a solid plan in place and for that, I needed to talk to other people before I told my family.
“Oh, of course. Let’s head down to Evergreen’s office. It’s soundproof and as secure as you can get.”
I followed her down the stairs and I sat on a small loveseat while she sat on her mate’s chair.
“What can I do for you, Bells?”
“Dr. Campbell thinks my wolf is dying.” I went right into the issue. Her eyes widened, and I even thought I saw them watering, before she swallowed and nodded as if she had suspected as much and motioned for me to continue. “I ne—If my wolf’s dying, it’s going to happen soon. She couldn’t even get up earlier. She collapsed when Dr. Campbell asked her to come forward and has been passed out since. I need a way to extend my life until my pups are born,” I told her.
We talked for a few hours, and at the end of it, I felt both drained and relieved at the plan of action we came up with. As I walked back to my room, I reached out to the only people I knew would respect my decision, and do what needed to be done when the time came.
‘Violet, can I talk to you and Chris in my room?’